blue_jay_bird Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) During BU, alot of words, where tossed around. I remember say: "I should have left you for Billy (a good close friend)." "All that time i spent with him, and you where off doing whatever" "At lest then, i'd be with someone who wants to be with me" (I never ever did anything with him) WTF, did i say, i'm such a bitch. I have to say sorry, i didn't mean it, i was just so mad. I need to say sorry Gah, i have to say sorry. And the worst think is i feel like he's waiting for me to say sorry, But he did dump me. I want to say sorry. I must have hurt him ....**** What do i do. ? Edited August 8, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
Mike_d Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I must have hurt him ....**** ya? ya think maybe? In my world, I'd say that if you are not ready to move mountains to be with this guy and take what is surely coming back in your direction if you try to talk with him with even handedness and the ability to not respond then I'd just move on. That said, if it was me I'd prob want to hear it, but it would eff my head up wondering wtf you were doing treating someone you apparently claimed to love like that. Looks like some anger mgmt and communication skill work in your future, you don't want to repeat this behav. in the future lest it be done to you. The universe can be tricky that way, what goes around comes around
Pod81 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Do not apologize! You said in your earlier threads that he had emotionally checked out of the relationship - that he didn't want to marry and saw NO FUTURE with you. To me, those are pretty big red flags. Yes, you may have overreacted a little bit in anger, but when a guy says those kinds of things, the relationship is sabotaged (likely beyond repair). Keep in mind that he didn't break up with because you overreacted - it was mainly because he had already checked out emotionally! It's normal to have the post-breakup regrets and second thoughts about your reaction, but in time, you'll realize that your initial instincts were correct! Stay strong! 1
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Yes, you may have overreacted a little bit in anger, but when a guy says those kinds of things, the relationship is sabotaged (likely beyond repair). beyond repair? I don't believe this. Why do people say this.
TaraMaiden Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 beyond repair? I don't believe this. Why do people say this. Because he has to want to repair it as much as you do. That's why there are always 2 people in a relationship. Because it takes two. and it takes two to maintain, repair and function. If he's "left the building" - it's beyond repair. 1
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Because he has to want to repair it as much as you do. That's why there are always 2 people in a relationship. Because it takes two. and it takes two to maintain, repair and function. If he's "left the building" - it's beyond repair. Okay, should i still say im sorry for my half.
Sav Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 During BU, alot of words, where tossed around. I remember say: "I should have left you for Billy (a good close friend)." "All that time i spent with him, and you where off doing whatever" "At lest then, i'd be with someone who wants to be with me" (I never ever did anything with him) WTF, did i say, i'm such a bitch. I have to say sorry, i didn't mean it, i was just so mad. I need to say sorry Gah, i have to say sorry. And the worst think is i feel like he's waiting for me to say sorry, But he did dump me. I want to say sorry. I must have hurt him ....**** What do i do. ? Wait till you have completely gotten over him before breaking NC . I've said some pretty mean things to my ex and I've apologized to her 2 years after our BU. And I've just met her a few days ago, we're on talking terms now . That's why it's never too late to apologize, for now, be a little selfish and concentrate on yourself
TaraMaiden Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Okay, should i still say im sorry for my half. Why - for his benefit, or for yours? Do you think, given the type of guy he was, he really cares? How will it affect his opinion of you? Really, this is to ease your conscience, not make amends. Shed the guilt girl - it's doing nothing for you.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 That's why there are always 2 people in a relationship. Because it takes two. and it takes two to maintain, repair and function. If he's "left the building" - it's beyond repair. But what if he's not coming back because of what i said.
Ruby65 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I don't think you're really being motivated by a need to apologize. I think your true motivation is that you're scrambling for any excuse to break NC and make contact! And -- underneath every attempt at contact, what do we find? Hope for reconciliation. Which is why even your attempt at "being nice" and apologizing is going to ring false and only make you look weak and desperate.... because really you're just using that apology as an excuse to try and open a dialogue to try and get him back. Just my opinion, but that's how it usually is with me when I'm wanting to say sorry.....
Author blue_jay_bird Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) I don't think you're really being motivated by a need to apologize. I think your true motivation is that you're scrambling for any excuse to break NC and make contact! And -- underneath every attempt at contact, what do we find? Hope for reconciliation. Which is why even your attempt at "being nice" and apologizing is going to ring false and only make you look weak and desperate.... because really you're just using that apology as an excuse to try and open a dialogue to try and get him back. Just my opinion, but that's how it usually is with me when I'm wanting to say sorry..... I know this is true. Ty, for reminding me. It's just tough when they haven't called in two months. I feel like such a bitch for what i said. Edited August 8, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
Ruby65 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I know this is true. Ty, for reminding me. It's just tough when they haven't called in two months. I know it's SO painful when they don't call. But it's also a gift because it's even harder to deal with someone who's getting your hopes up by contacting you every now and then just to say hi or that they miss you or see how you're doing..... Remember: as much as the silence cuts you, the breadcrumbs are WORSE!!
TaraMaiden Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 But what if he's not coming back because of what i said. You know that's not the case.... don't you? Ruby65 is bang on the button...
Sav Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I know it's SO painful when they don't call. But it's also a gift because it's even harder to deal with someone who's getting your hopes up by contacting you every now and then just to say hi or that they miss you or see how you're doing..... Remember: as much as the silence cuts you, the breadcrumbs are WORSE!! It's true. The breadcrumbs will keep you from moving on while they themselves find someone else. Cutting contact really helps. I'm doing strict NC and yes I think of her sometimes. But whenever I think of her I say out aloud, STOP. You'll get over the person, dont cave in to mere temptations
BeautyRush Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Did he ever apologize to you when he bluntly threw those hurtful lines on you? Bluejay, it's been said and done, so be it. No more damage control. Both of you hurt each other so badly, had lost the respect, in so much distress, wounded, and tortured. Decide not to suffer any further. Remember, it's not all your fault. Just accept the fact that you two will never work out. 1
weallfalldown Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I know it's SO painful when they don't call. But it's also a gift because it's even harder to deal with someone who's getting your hopes up by contacting you every now and then just to say hi or that they miss you or see how you're doing..... Remember: as much as the silence cuts you, the breadcrumbs are WORSE!! yep...i made a complete fool outta myself yest.........and ended up sending an email saying.......i'm so embarassed i won't contact you again... after i sent countless texts with 0 reply!......don't do it.
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