Foreveryours10 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 So let me throw out a little background information for the record I dated a guy for approximately 3 years, we had a long distance relationship since I had to go away for school and I completely trusted him with everything I had and then one day out of the blue he broke up with me and then a month later I found out he cheated on me with 4 different girls. So for even starters it's evident I have some trust issues and every time I start seeing another guy I have it in my mind that he doesn't really want to be with me or talking/seeing other girls behind my back. Crazy? Yes I know and I am really trying to not let it ruin everything. So this guy I am seeing I am 21 and he is 27. He is seriously great, has so many different talents and all over never ceases to amaze me. Now here is the ordeal for starters he is not a texter what-so-ever. He is like you have something to talk to me about that's fine but if you're just texting me to check in well that's not going to work. Which is totally understandable but when I say he doesn't text I literally mean I will text him in the morning to say good morning he will respond have a mini conversation and that's it for the day. I brought him home with me last weekend to meet my family and that went over pretty well. And I have met all of his friends. Generally we will hang out about 3-4 times a week and maybe sleep over at one of our places on one of those nights. I don't really feel like he has given me any reason that he isn't into me besides the whole not much communication thing when we aren't together. And also I am use to the whole dating someone and pretty much seeing them like everyday. But he is older than me and has a real job and other responsibilities so I am not picking too much on the amount of time we see each other. He hasn't said anything mean to me but the whole non communication thing if we don't hang out kind of bothers me. I don't know what does everyone else think?
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Well a 27 year old isn't necessarily that old and experienced but It's still a great deal more experienced than a 21 year old who's main relationship consisted of her BF cheating on her. Unfortunately the fact that you didn't realize that there was anything suspicious about your long distance relationship with your BF cheating and you didn't find out until a month after the relationship tells me you're either very clueless and naively trusting or you're just over-looking all the warning signs because you "love" him. So based on that fact it tells me that you're going to be insecure, vulnerable and emotionally prone to dive into something and try developing this "trust" like this is your own responsibility. Trust shouldn't just be given, that's the lesson I would hope you learned, but likely you'll be one of those "trust until trust is broken" type of women so you'll overlook plenty of signs and warnings that are right under your nose. The fact that this guy doesn't want to talk to you on a regular basis and make that little effort tells me there is limited interest. But then again you're only 21 years old...you're super easy to impress and easily amazed with older man like they're some kind of fascination when really it's just your lack of experience and own fantasy/intrigue with something you're not familiar with. I think it's basically a bad deal for you, he'll always be 3 steps ahead of you and without you knowing whether you can trust a guy or not is really going to give him all the leverage in this relationship. It's good that he's met your family and friends, that's a real big plus. And that you seem somewhat integrated into each others lives, however it comes down to how he perceives the situation. Older men can look down on older women as being naive in childish...because they basically are, meaning that they don't take the same investment level as serious as you do. Plus you're always going to be prone to thinking he's a great guy and everyone else sees him the same way as well. I think he's going to control and regulate the relationship as he sees fits...he just simply has the upper-hand and you'll likely try and conform to him because he's got a "grown-up" life with real responsibilities so you think understanding means bending backwards but you'll learn when you're older even with all that...when you want to make time you do..and If he doesn't want to talk to you maybe he doesn't really value the conversation and have similar of interest to actually want to talk to you about the little things day to day, since you're in different places in your life. Older men gripe about younger women being uninterested and having no-depth, which is being compensated by your youth and physical attributes...so they don't necessarily expect that intellectual connection type level that they may expect with a woman of their age and older, they'll just save that for their guy friends. They just want to be around you when it's intimate and physical or you can at least be in each others presence, since you don't offer much more of a dynamic to the relationship...you're just going to want to be around him all of the time which is what an older guy would expect from a woman of your age...It's just very simple, they know what they're getting themselves into and don't usually have high expectations. Remember that I'm generalizing in my last paragraph, that's the chatter you hear from men who speak about young women in general, It almost goes without saying, it's general knowledge for men...I'm not saying that you aren't smart, however you are more prone to be naive due to lack of experience. If I were I'd take it very slow and make sure you demand what you need in the relationship instead of just bending to this mans will in hope of winning him over and being his perfect little everything...that might work for a while but eventually you'll have to be yourself so you should start expressing and communication what you want and need in this relationship. It's not about your insecurity, realize that you have it....you don't sound crazy paranoid, just apprehensive, don't question or second guess yourself...communicate and speak up just don't chalk it up to your issues...in that case you'll pull way too far back and he'll get away with far too much because you're setting your level of respect and demands extremely low which is easy for a man to get comfortable with and neglect you. Learn from your past experience and what you did wrong, it's ok If you act vulnerable because of your past everyone goes into relationships with some degree of baggage from the past just don't let it consume you and be overwhelming, that's when you should stay single until you regain the balance or you'll more than likely end up with the same kind of man and be cheated on again...unless you intentionally go for a different type of guy, but women who are continuously ending up with cheaters need to question their taste in men...men who are usually distant and emotionally unavailable. Bam!!! You are blessed with knowledge..now you just have to apply it.
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