mortensorchid Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 The other day, for some reason, I was thinking about this guy that I was seeing for a few weeks about two and a half years ago. He seemed like a good guy on the surface at least - had a house, a job, educated, etc. He was interested for the first three weeks, that's for sure, then he blew me off two weekends in a row for other things. I brought him to a party on the sixth weekend. Then I heard nothing from him that week afterward. See this thread for the results when I decided to call him the Friday after: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/222971-hes-not-interested-anymore-i-dont-think After we hung up, I erased his number from my phone and I never contacted him again. I was rather insulted that he gave me the brush off the way he did, and I realized there were a few red flags here and there (saying he did not like my friends or others at the party that weekend, a MAJOR ONE). Then in the spring of 2010 I found him on Facebook and wrote him an email through the site. I said he was on my mind for some reason, because I had purchased tickets to see this band in NYC when we had first connected and I thought maybe he would've come with me for it. He wrote back, saying thanks for reaching out. He mentioned that he had been busy with his family stuff (nieces and nephews). He used the family excuses as well in those first few weeks, saying that he was going to his nephew's birthday party (or something) and he was burned out from it. After that email, I asked him via email "SO for the sake of closure, why was I blown off?". No response. I don't think that is an unreasonable request to ask of someone, but I guess this is just another sign that he's a huge ass who doesn't think much of others, just himself.
january2011 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 This may sound harsh: To be fair, you dated for a few weeks, two and a half years ago, and since then have had no contact other than the FB messages. To ask for closure from him and an explanation is an unreasonable request, in my opinion. Based on what you've posted, it's a stretch to call him an ass and imply that he's self-centred. Perhaps it's worth looking inward to find out why such a short dating experience made such an impact on you that two and a half years later you still don't have closure.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I actually think it was a strange thing for you to do. He may have felt that way too. If you needed an explanation, the time to ask for it was years ago.
SJC2008 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I actually think it was a strange thing for you to do. He may have felt that way too. If you needed an explanation, the time to ask for it was years ago. Agreed This may sound harsh: To be fair, you dated for a few weeks, two and a half years ago, and since then have had no contact other than the FB messages. To ask for closure from him and an explanation is an unreasonable request, in my opinion. Based on what you've posted, it's a stretch to call him an ass and imply that he's self-centred. Perhaps it's worth looking inward to find out why such a short dating experience made such an impact on you that two and a half years later you still don't have closure. Agreed. OP I'm not here to criticize you or judge you but if you're still hung up from a blowoff from that long ago you really need to work on yourself. I don't like most women right off the bat but when I do it's full on and the last one I dated that I posted about here was hard on me even though we went out 3 times. I feel a million times better and it took about a month to get past the analyzing EVERYTHING from both ends phase but time heals. Now, I do think about how much I liked her and would be lying if I wasn't tempted to get back in touch with her every now and then and it's been 5 months, but I won't. I do get down when I think about how rare it is to meet a woman I have a strong gut level attraction for but oh well. This isn't to say it took x time to get over it and you still aren't it's to say I can surely relate to what you went through but after 2+years you really gotta take a look within. Have you been dating lately??
SJC2008 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Now she did say she was just thinking about him for some reason, I missed that, so as long as you aren't in the "hung up" stage I guess you'll be ok.
oaks Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 If someone I only dated for a few weeks tracked me down later on facebook to ask why we stopped dating I'd be blocking her and hiring extra security for my bunny.
gaius Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 She tracked him down to ask him out, not to ask why she was blown off. Then she got annoyed by being blown off again and asked about it. I don't think that's unreasonable or crazy. I'm not surprised you didn't get an honest answer morten. Makes you feel guilty saying no or not responding to someone who is being very nice. The last thing you want to do is add to that by saying something that might be extra hurtful.
RedRobin Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 If you think the guy has issues with honesty (ie makes up stories about why he can't follow through on something)... then why do you think he would give an honest answer to a straightforward question? it's like asking expecting a cat to start barking like a dog.... but it can't. It's not in it's nature. If you are looking for a dog, then don't waste your time with cats.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Why do you even care? Something about you turned him off. You can't be everyone's type.
Imajerk17 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) Well, I like closure as much as the next person. And I tend to hold on to things too. So to an extent I empathize. An email asking something like that after a few years is odd though. The truth is often embarrassing which is why you don't hear it. Could be things like: "I was never that into you. I say that to all the girls. I pretended because I wanted you to like me so I can feel that I still had it." "You were the 3rd guy I saw this week. I gave you the impression I was interested so you'd like me back and I would be the one to decide whether there would be a second date or not. It's something what we do when we're job interviewing, right?" "I was feeling attraction to you and I said I wanted a relationship but as I saw we were getting closer I wasn't sure I wanted a relationship with you and so I ran." "I wasn't feeling it but I hate feeling like the bad guy so I just didn't say anything." "I kept saying to myself that I would call you tomorrow. Eventually too much time passed so I just let it go." People are often cowards. Sucks. Edited August 8, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
morichu Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Yeah that's a little weird. I don't really see why you would need closure for a guy you only casually dated for a few weeks. Actually, it seems pretty obvious he wasn't interested in anything serious. Don't know why this is an issue years later.
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