sydneysider1978 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Hi all, I could do with a bit of advice. I have a male friend that I've know for a while. He's been travelling for a couple of years and is now back in town. He has a new job and he's so much happier than when I first met him. In the meantime, I've lost a heap of weight while he went away and I'm in a new job and much happier. He's like a new person. He's always really happy to see me and greets me with hugs and a kiss (while ignoring my friends that he also knows). Sometimes when we're hanging out in a groups of friends, I catch him gazing at me. We bump into each other nearly every day and he always talks about us doing stuff. Me coming round for dinner, movie nights, lunch, even holidays. I always sound keen but he never follows through with firm plans. I'm keen too, at least to hang out one on one and see what happens. He's not a player, he's a bit clueless with women. But he is pretty masculine, I don't think he'd like the direct approach from me. What should I do? Would he actually fix a firm date if he was keen? As a bit of background, I'm 33, he's 36 and we've both been single for a little while. No skeletons in the closest that I know of.
The Way I Am Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I was always of the opinion that there's nothing wrong with a woman making the first move when the guy seems interested but hesitant. But after enough times having to carry the relationship, I've decided I don't want any guy who's either not interested enough or doesn't have the balls to make the first move. You've agreed to go out with him. What more can he expect short of throwing yourself naked at his feet? If he's got no follow-through, then move on. 1
mortensorchid Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I don't know about this. He MIGHT be interested, but if he's not going to make any kind of move whatsoever because why? He's shy? He's afraid of doing it? He's afraid of rejection? If he's not going to do anything, then do you want to be in command for the whole relationship (if there is one)? 1
kaylan Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) Doesnt matter how masculine a guy is or not...if he fancies you than he wont care how it happens, he will love going out on a date with you. Honestly the problem I think is you are being insecure, as many women are when it comes to being assertive and getting the guy they want. Its 2012...and there are quite a few assertive gals out there....so if you dont grab him when you want him, someone else will.I don't know about this. He MIGHT be interested, but if he's not going to make any kind of move whatsoever because why? He's shy? He's afraid of doing it? He's afraid of rejection? If he's not going to do anything, then do you want to be in command for the whole relationship (if there is one)? I dont agree with this. Just because a guy doesnt make the first move doesnt mean the woman will always be in command. Woman have been too brainwashed to think all they have to do is be lazy and look pretty during "courtship". As I said, its 2012, and Ive had several women make the first move on me. It turns out just fine. Edited August 8, 2012 by kaylan
Author sydneysider1978 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 It's not so much insecurity in myself. More that the wrong approach, coming on too strong will put a guy off. Unfortunately, I've read a lot of crappy advice, such as the rules, and that stuff has stuck! You are right though! He either likes me or he doesn't at this stage. He's at my place for a big dinner party on Sunday, I'll suggest some firm plans
kaylan Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) If a guy likes you, your approach wont matter. Its not that hard to suggest something in which hes forced to put his cards on the table. Next time he says something about you guys hanging out sometime, simply say "well whats your weekend looking like...Im free...got something in mind?" Easy. Peezie. Lemon. Squeezy. PS - The Rules has a lot of BS in it. I wouldnt bother listening to that book. Either a guy likes you or he doesnt. Rules go out the window when a guy already fancies you. Edited August 8, 2012 by kaylan 1
ms_daisy21 Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Hi all, I could do with a bit of advice. I have a male friend that I've know for a while. He's been travelling for a couple of years and is now back in town. He has a new job and he's so much happier than when I first met him. In the meantime, I've lost a heap of weight while he went away and I'm in a new job and much happier. He's like a new person. He's always really happy to see me and greets me with hugs and a kiss (while ignoring my friends that he also knows). Sometimes when we're hanging out in a groups of friends, I catch him gazing at me. We bump into each other nearly every day and he always talks about us doing stuff. Me coming round for dinner, movie nights, lunch, even holidays. I always sound keen but he never follows through with firm plans. I'm keen too, at least to hang out one on one and see what happens. He's not a player, he's a bit clueless with women. But he is pretty masculine, I don't think he'd like the direct approach from me. What should I do? Would he actually fix a firm date if he was keen? As a bit of background, I'm 33, he's 36 and we've both been single for a little while. No skeletons in the closest that I know of. My Bf was like that. We met in college. He lived in the dorm right below mine. Spent lots of time together, with mutual friends. Went out together (with people). I thought he was interested and I was impatient. I finally just asked him out to a movie. He was a little surprised but we dated for four years. Someone commented about having to always be in command in the relationship with a guy like that.... it was the case in that relationship. It was a little off-putting to "wear the pants" all the time. If you're interested, though.... life is too short. Just be direct.
The Way I Am Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I dont agree with this. Just because a guy doesnt make the first move doesnt mean the woman will always be in command. It has in my experience. I've had much more fulfilling relationships since I decided to leave just forget guys who are wishy washy or "shy". If you want to be the one who always makes the plans and keeps the relationship on track, I don't see any problem making the first move. As much as I would not have liked to admit it in the past, it does seem that men don't put in as much effort with a woman who initiates the relationship than they do when they initiate. Woman have been too brainwashed to think all they have to do is be lazy and look pretty during "courtship".There's a middle ground between just looking pretty and making the first move. From what you describe, OP, you're not being lazy. You're showing your interest by flirting and being agreeable to his invitations. He's just not following through. As I said, its 2012, and Ive had several women make the first move on me. It turns out just fine.So... you're still with these ladies? He's at my place for a big dinner party on Sunday, I'll suggest some firm plans If he were to suggest you two do something again, you could say "That'd be great. I'm free next Saturday. How about you?" But I wouldn't go as far as asking him.
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