Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Lonely Ronin realistic & optimistically cautious are phrases I would recommend. What I recommend she not do, is prejudge the next guy based on her experience with this guy. You certainly have a point. I can see the positive in not prejudging her next date(s) based on experiences with this guy. But it's hard to seperate yourself from the information you collected through your experiences. Especially if it's an experience that regularly occurs. I think you make a fair point but it's not always easy to navigate. I don't think think that I am being negative toward a guy just because I might not be comfortable going to his place, realistically a more intimate setting. She doesn't have to think the guy is a jerk just trying to get sex, if the next guy invites her over, but I don't think the answer either is, "I trust this guy and I am going to give him a chance and go over to his place because." There is an inbetween. unfortunately I see a lot of people from both genders suggesting prejudging the opposite gender. Guys suggesting women who "don't put out soon enough" are prudes, or that women just want their money, or that single women past a certain age had their fun and now want a white knight. women suggesting all men want is sex as fast as possible, that men can't be trusted to control themselves, etc etc. it's all very sad, because all they are doing by narrow-mindedly judging people, is digging a deeper hole they will have to climb out of if they ever want to have a happy relationship. Sometimes yes. But you forget that a lot of women deal with men that are simply looking for sex. Even to a greater degree then men that are looking for sincere relationships. Even men sometimes that are looking for sincere relationships will use another woman that they aren't serious about at all inbetween his time looking for a more serious partner. He will court her, pursue her and act really interested in her but he is just in the moment, having fun, not too serious about her but certainly intersted in sex with her until a woman who he is looking for comes along. I don't advocate for assuming every guy is a sex crazed jerk. I just think that a lot of women need to be smarter in this department because I think a lot of women get used/played. she did pretty much what I said she should. She did pretty much what a lot of said she should.
RedRobin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 what are all these risks you think I expect the women I date to manage? You remind me of the contractor who insisted I pay him the last installment before the job was done... said I should 'trust him'. I just laughed and told him, sorry. I'll pay you when the job is finished, just like we agreed at the beginning. You want openness without risk... for yourself. How about you tell us what is so special about your house that you can't possibly hold off showing it off until you are in an exclusive relationship... or she asks you first??
Lonely Ronin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 You certainly have a point. I can see the positive in not prejudging her next date(s) based on experiences with this guy. But it's hard to seperate yourself from the information you collected through your experiences. Especially if it's an experience that regularly occurs. I agree it can be difficult, but imo with the proper amount of self reflection, you can maintain a positive & safe stance when it comes to potential partners. I personally do this a lot; making sure I'm not cutting someone off based on past experiences. Sometimes yes. But you forget that a lot of women deal with men that are simply looking for sex. Even to a greater degree then men that are looking for sincere relationships. Even men sometimes that are looking for sincere relationships will use another woman that they aren't serious about at all inbetween his time looking for a more serious partner. He will court her, pursue her and act really interested in her but he is just in the moment, having fun, not too serious about her but certainly intersted in sex with her until a woman who he is looking for comes along. I don't advocate for assuming every guy is a sex crazed jerk. I just think that a lot of women need to be smarter in this department because I think a lot of women get used/played. This is where I think more people need to be come better students of human nature. One of the greatest things I have learned over the years, is how to read a person. Another thing that I advocate(that a lot of people don't want to hear) is a thorough self examination. If you're routinely ending up in the same situation, you might be encouraging that situation because of something your doing. A lot of people don'w want to hear that though, because that means they are just as much at fault as the other person is.
Lonely Ronin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 You want openness without risk... for yourself. And how exactly did you come to this conclusion? How about you tell us what is so special about your house that you can't possibly hold off showing it off until you are in an exclusive relationship... or she asks you first?? what is it with you and the bit about showing off? why do you consider having a woman over showing off? Cooking is something I like to do, and it is also something a lot of the women I have dated over the years like to do as well. A few dates have come to my house and we cooked something. at one point I lived in a complex that had a pool, so a few times a woman has come over to just swim and hang by the pool.
RedRobin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 And how exactly did you come to this conclusion? ooo! I can play this game (we call it the question game in improv)... And why do you think I came to this conclusion? what is it with you and the bit about showing off? why do you consider having a woman over showing off? What is it with you and house 'dates'? Cooking is something I like to do, and it is also something a lot of the women I have dated over the years like to do as well. Great. Have a picnic in the park where you both share what you cooked for your 3rd/4th date. Is there anything else you know how to do on the 3rd/4th date (or earlier) besides suggest activities where women might feel pressured to have sex with you? A few dates have come to my house and we cooked something. at one point I lived in a complex that had a pool, so a few times a woman has come over to just swim and hang by the pool. How many of those dates ended in sex for you? Just curious. How many of the ones who came over early in the dating cycle ended up as relationships and what was the duration of those relationships? How often was it a suggestion of yours vs a suggestion of hers? A going over to your house date that is...
Lonely Ronin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 Is there anything else you know how to do on the 3rd/4th date (or earlier) besides suggest activities where women might feel pressured to have sex with you? How many of those dates ended in sex for you? Just curious. How many of the ones who came over early in the dating cycle ended up as relationships and what was the duration of those relationships? Jesus what's wrong with you, not everything in life is about sex or the pursuit of it. Get professional help, you need it.
RedRobin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) Jesus what's wrong with you, not everything in life is about sex or the pursuit of it. Get professional help, you need it. No sh*t. I HAVE male friends and work around all men... ... but this is about you and your need for house 'dates'. WTF are you trying to prove? ... and try answering my questions... starting with the ones about how many of the house 'dates' ended in relationships... Edited August 9, 2012 by RedRobin
rana-rana Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) Idk how most you ladies feel but I'm starting to lose my faith in dating. I'm doing online dating now (Match) and it's frustrating. A guy emailed me that I thought was cute, totally my type. We were texting all day Sunday and yesterday. Well some of his texts are getting dirty. He's not flat out saying "lets have sex" but he'll say things like "i'm going to shower, want to join ;)" or "I wish I was making out." I try to just send emoticons or send a sassy response. The thing is we have never met in person. Today I sent a text that we should meet up and he didn't respond and instead asked where i liked to be kissed. yea thats so ****ing lame its stupid sick. i used to get pervs like that all the time in chatrooms when i was 13-14. they be mostly way older than me like 25-30 and all they wanna do is be nasty and ask stupid sexual **** but never for my number. not that they was getting it but u know lmfao. guys like that are losers and unconfident. leave OLD and meet up with the dudes in real life mamita. Edited August 9, 2012 by rana-rana added info
Lonely Ronin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 No sh*t. I HAVE male friends and work around all men... ... but this is about you and your need for house 'dates'. WTF are you trying to prove? ... and try answering my questions... starting with the ones about how many of the house 'dates' ended in relationships... I have no "need" for house dates, and my love life is none of your gd business...
RedRobin Posted August 9, 2012 Posted August 9, 2012 I have no "need" for house dates, and my love life is none of your gd business... Great. Glad we cleared that up.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Thank you for saying I'm something, even though I'm not. I'm nothing special. Yes I have a sister and several in my immediate family, though if you're looking there on how to treat women or even people in general, you'll want to look far away. If it's common for siblings to fight, my sister and I were engaged in warfare. I've been hit with the pointy ends of thrown knives and I've hit her many times. In more recent years I've been more controlled and used words as my ammunition, even when she get physical. I, in all honesty, simply try to avoid her and avoid fighting, but random things can set her off into a fit of screaming at me. But, we have a tolerable relationship now. I used to constantly fight with my parents, though I still do fight a bit with them. My grandmother is one of the most stubborn, unsympathetic and uncaring women you can imagine. She hates women, but that's due to her being brought up in the Irish Catholic tradition of "taking care of the boys in the family." 1 former aunt divorced my uncle and tried to kill him by stealing his medication, another aunt is currently working with another uncle to take as much money from my grandparents (taking out a massive life insurance policy and taking them off their medication is just one of there things they have done) 2 aunt/former aunt live on the other side of the country, so I really don't know them. My family is completely dysfunctional. Outside of my family, there was a time I was attacked by 8 girls in elementary school, and I get in trouble for fighting back and hitting girls, or in middle school when all the girls in my class (it was a high school with a small 7th & 8th grade, so there were only 12 of us in the class) decide it would be fun to tease, bully and torment me for 2 years, and when I threw insults back they would run and tell teacher how I was being mean. It wasn't until the final months that they were actually caught doing anything, but did it change at all? No. And after all that I did for my ex, cooking every night (I did enjoy doing that for her), taking care of her with her chronic illness, trying to be there when her self esteem was through the floor, working double shifts to help pay for rent and bills over the summer, doing so much for her. There was a weekend in late January we lost heat, so I spent the days chopping down a few trees to keep the house warm with a fire. After all of that, she goes back to be "friends" with her ex (an ex who raped her, but it was ok because he only did it once because he was drunk) because she wanted to support him as he was going into the navy. All of the last month was fighting because of it. After being the first guy she dates for over a year and the first guy she consequently had sex with (I was BF #7), she breaks up with me after blowing me off for a weekend to hang out with the ex and the resulting fight, then claims she's so hurt but doesn't want to let me see her crying, then gets a new boyfriend 2 months after the breakup: a 28 year old marine, who smokes and that alone sent her to the hospital twice because of her asthma. She gets to keep the dog. And to top it all off, today I get to find out she went on a date with another of her ex's, who beat and raped her several times. I know I wasn't a saint in all of this, I have my problems. I'd acted like a child many time early on, and I have a bad temper, something I've been working on my whole life, and something we were working on together to improve myself. And it was going so well until her ex came back into the picture. And yet I still love her and am still a wreck over it. Pathetic huh? I'm ranting now. I guess my point is how even though statistically I should hate women, I still feel the proper thing to do is to try and be a good person. Dude, I was right. You are special. Do you know why? Because, while obviously you got dealt some bad cards AND you have done some stuff you know isn't right, YOU acknowledge that, YOU are honest about it and are working on it. That is a step a lot of people don't take. Your ex sounds messed up. Take what you learned form this situation, and I don't mean some bitterness and sadness, and use it to figure out better what kind of woman you would want to be with in the future. I don't think you would really want to be with her anyway. Keep doing the hard work you need to for the areas you know you need to fix.
Lonely Ronin Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 Great. Glad we cleared that up. What? this response makes non sense.
Author Meg717 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Wow things got crazy since I last was on here!! I will most likely not pre-judge the next guy based on this guy. I will however, see the warning signs and move on a lot sooner... I am not against "at home" dates but for the first few dates I'd like to do something in public. Thank you all for your wonderful advice!! I I'm still sorta new to this game... It's funny bc I told one of my girlfriends about this guy wanting me to go to his house and she said "so what?" and I said, I don't know him, he could kill me and her response was "See if he'll meet in public then go back to his house" So some girls won't think there's anything wrong with it...
Lonely Ronin Posted August 10, 2012 Posted August 10, 2012 It's funny bc I told one of my girlfriends about this guy wanting me to go to his house and she said "so what?" and I said, I don't know him, he could kill me and her response was "See if he'll meet in public then go back to his house" So some girls won't think there's anything wrong with it... I'd recommend not taking dating advise from this friend.
Author Meg717 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 I'd recommend not taking dating advise from this friend. 100% Agreed!!!
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