Meg717 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Idk how most you ladies feel but I'm starting to lose my faith in dating. I'm doing online dating now (Match) and it's frustrating. A guy emailed me that I thought was cute, totally my type. We were texting all day Sunday and yesterday. Well some of his texts are getting dirty. He's not flat out saying "lets have sex" but he'll say things like "i'm going to shower, want to join ;)" or "I wish I was making out." I try to just send emoticons or send a sassy response. The thing is we have never met in person. Today I sent a text that we should meet up and he didn't respond and instead asked where i liked to be kissed. I can't tell if this is this guys way of flirting or if he's just looking for a FWB...I would prefer to have this convo in person but I don't know if that's going to happen. I don't want to keep bringing up going on a date...Isn't that the guys job? I'll do it if I have to but is it too much to want to be swept off my feet?
CarrieT Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I try to just send emoticons or send a sassy response. The sassy response is feeding the trolls... This is the way of online dating these days; the guys try to see how far they can go early on - and that includes all the suggestive texting. By responding how you did, it just egged him on. It IS possible to be swept off one's feet (I was) - but it takes a LOT of time and patience. I've posted before, but I easily chatted with over a hundred guys and went on 50+ coffee/dinner dates before finding a great guy. Patience, patience, patience... 1
Imajerk17 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Well as I see it there are really two questions here: Idk how most you ladies feel but I'm starting to lose my faith in dating. I'm doing online dating now (Match) and it's frustrating. A guy emailed me that I thought was cute, totally my type. We were texting all day Sunday and yesterday. Well some of his texts are getting dirty. He's not flat out saying "lets have sex" but he'll say things like "i'm going to shower, want to join ;)" or "I wish I was making out." I try to just send emoticons or send a sassy response. The thing is we have never met in person. Today I sent a text that we should meet up and he didn't respond and instead asked where i liked to be kissed. I can't tell if this is this guys way of flirting or if he's just looking for a FWB...I would prefer to have this convo in person but I don't know if that's going to happen. I don't want to keep bringing up going on a date...Isn't that the guys job? I'll do it if I have to but is it too much to want to be swept off my feet? (1) Sexual texting and bringing up the date: Not too smooth on the guy's part. I have had some racy pre-date text conversations (and as a guy I'm not sure if that is actually a good thing to be honest). To try to start it, I might push a bit offering to give her a NECK massage or by using some sort of push-pull, but it is on her to bite. If she responds as you did I conclude that she isn't comfortable with that yet and back off. The first goal of getting the woman's phone number is to set up the date. I CALL her to do so, unless she comes right out and says she prefers texting--which is fine by me. To answer your question, you can ask "So when are we going to meet up?" and then it is on him to plan a date. (2) "...is it too much to want to be swept off my feet?": I'd say it's a lot more realistic to judge a first date by whether you had fun and the guy seems nice, versus whether you were already "swept off your feet".
Author Meg717 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 I guess using the phrase swept off my feet was a little off. I'm not looking for a movie moment experience - obviously unrealistic... I guess I'm looking for assertiveness. For example, my best friend told me one of her husbands friends thought I was cute and liked me..I said I was interested. Have I heard from him? No. I'm also really thrown off by the few guys I've met that want me to hang out at their house. I don't mind it but I feel like thats something you do after 3 dates in public...coffee, dinner, drinks, whatever the date is. The guy I'm talking about in the first post is an example.. and I feel like there are so many guys on here who complain that they are assertive and it's the girl... I guess you just gotta trudge through the mud for a while.
Author Meg717 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Patience, patience, patience... Something I lack...lol
Dorie Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 The sassy response is feeding the trolls... This is the way of online dating these days; the guys try to see how far they can go early on - and that includes all the suggestive texting. By responding how you did, it just egged him on. It IS possible to be swept off one's feet (I was) - but it takes a LOT of time and patience. I've posted before, but I easily chatted with over a hundred guys and went on 50+ coffee/dinner dates before finding a great guy. Patience, patience, patience... OLD is often a diamond-in-the-rough quest. The early sexting attempts, flakes, as CarrieT stated, patience is the key. Before getting disillusioned or bitter, take breaks from the process. Only go back when you're feeling on solid ground (i.e. not desperate) and when you have the energy. 1
Leopard Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I hate dating too. It's usually full of disappointments. Hang in there girl, many of us are in the same boat. 3
Fitz Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) I hate dating too. It's usually full of disappointments. Hang in there girl, many of us are in the same boat. And if you care to look around, you'll see plenty of guys in the boat with you too. You think OLD is tough for girls? Well, try being a guy on OLD... M:F ratios are definitely in your favor. Edited August 8, 2012 by Fitz
mesmerized Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 that's online dating for you, sleazy men. If you're looking for a boyfriend, this guy isn't it, trust me. Now if you want to go ahead give him a try and get disappointed even more, be my guest. As another poster said, be patient but don't really expect anything good coming from there.
Author Meg717 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Here's a my perspective as a guy (though I'm not really a great example as I'm going through my first breakup) For my ex, when we started dating, I did the whole sweep her off her feet. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic who still believes in chivalry. I really when full hearted into doing my best to everything I could to make her feel loved, including running around town (in the literal on foot sense) at 7 pm between 4 flower shops in late February to surprise her with roses. Here's the difference though. She was my crush for several months prior to us dating, so by the time we actually dated, I already had serious feelings for her. In a future relationship, I don't see myself doing that, and for several reasons. 1. I don't feel like opening myself up to be hurt again like I am now, especially early in a relationship where a girl may just walk away. 2. Unless I know I already have feelings, there is no point in going all out to woo a girl when the situation may be completely different tomorrow or the day after. 3. I'd rather now wait until 2-4 months into the relationship where things are going well and there is potential for things to become a bit more serious to really become overly romantic and try to sweep the girl off her feet. Given I'd still do my best to be a gentleman while still in the early stages, but I probably wouldn't throw everything into romance until later. This makes total sense...
Author Meg717 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 that's online dating for you, sleazy men. If you're looking for a boyfriend, this guy isn't it, trust me. Now if you want to go ahead give him a try and get disappointed even more, be my guest. As another poster said, be patient but don't really expect anything good coming from there. No, I don't really feel like being disappointed any further lol...thanks for the advice!
curlygirl40 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 The sassy response is feeding the trolls... This is the way of online dating these days; the guys try to see how far they can go early on - and that includes all the suggestive texting. By responding how you did, it just egged him on. It IS possible to be swept off one's feet (I was) - but it takes a LOT of time and patience. I've posted before, but I easily chatted with over a hundred guys and went on 50+ coffee/dinner dates before finding a great guy. Patience, patience, patience... So glad to hear you say this. If I had to guess I've been on about 25-30 first dates. Some resulting in second or third or more, but many stopped at one date. I'll keep plugging along. OP as far as the texting. In the beginning like this (especially when you haven't ever met in person!) I would stop this talk dead in it's tracks. IMO if you're looking for a relationship, it's way too early for that kind of talk. Probably not a good sign about his intentions. And then if you play along, even with a sassy response, then he thinks he can 'go there' with you sooner than you will wish when you've met in person. IME It's a fine line we walk sometimes. I don't want a guy to think I'm a prude (I'm sooo far from that once the timing is right) but yet I don't want them to get the wrong idea either. So it's a bit of a dance in the beginning. Best of luck 1
somedude81 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Swept off your fee? Ugh I see that you corrected yourself but I'm sure that thought is still there. Sadly many women feel the same way. They all want Prince Charming in a leather jacket riding his Harley with Pegasus wings to come take their breath away. It's almost as if little girl princess wannabies never grow up.
eleanorhurting Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Swept off your fee? Ugh I see that you corrected yourself but I'm sure that thought is still there. Sadly many women feel the same way. They all want Prince Charming in a leather jacket riding his Harley with Pegasus wings to come take their breath away. It's almost as if little girl princess wannabies never grow up. someone is bitter today! 2
kaylan Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) Swept of their feet simply means women what a "Bazzing!, Pow!, Gee golly I havent felt this way in a long time" type of feeling that comes from a real connection with someone. I dunno why some guys take it so seriously that girls want that. I want the same thing. And its rare to find, but its great when you have it. When women speak of being swept off their feet they are talking about that "it" feeling where they know the guy they just kissed is the only guy theyll want for a very long time, if not forever. His arms around her with her faced buried in his chest....His head resting a top hers while her hair tickles his chin (lol). I think thats where most people wanna be....in that moment where you just know. Its not just a girl thing, as plenty of guys want the same feeling from a woman...we just dont call it being swept off our feet or sweeping her off her feet. So no OP, I dont think youre expecting too much. Edited August 8, 2012 by kaylan 6
Author Meg717 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 Swept of their feet simply means women what a "Bazzing!, Pow!, Gee golly I havent felt this way in a long time" type of feeling that comes from a real connection with someone. I dunno why some guys take it so seriously that girls want that. I want the same thing. And its rare to find, but its great when you have it. When women speak of being swept off their feet they are talking about that "it" feeling where they know the guy they just kissed is the only guy theyll want for a very long time, if not forever. His arms around her with her faced buried in his chest....His head resting a top hers while her hair tickles his chin (lol). I think thats where most people wanna be....in that moment where you just know. Its not just a girl thing, as plenty of guys want the same feeling from a woman...we just dont call it being swept off our feet or sweeping her off her feet. So no OP, I dont think youre expecting too much. Great explanation!!! I want the feeling you described and I want the guy to feel it too! The guys I've been meeting just seem very lazy in their pursuit.
yongyong Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 You are not that cute in reality? he is out of your league right?
Author Meg717 Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) You are not that cute in reality? he is out of your league right? I think I'm cute.. so bc a guy initiates contact with me and then falls off the face of the earth or is lazy in dating, it must be bc I'm ugly? From what I've read here, plenty of guys won't even talk to a girl if they feel she's not good looking enough for them. I make sure to put pictures up that are accurate to what I actually look like. I am aware of my flaws and I am aware of the league I'm playing in ..so no, these men are not out of my league at all. Thanks for the input. Edited August 8, 2012 by Meg717
truth_seeker Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 If a girl is into sexting right away, I will not take her seriously. She most likely has a long history of doing it with other random guys.
truth_seeker Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Great explanation!!! I want the feeling you described and I want the guy to feel it too! The guys I've been meeting just seem very lazy in their pursuit. You have every right to want this feeling. I think all of us want that feeling. Guys who are usually lazy are the ones who in their past at some point have experienced "easy" girls. Quick, little, to no effort in getting a girl into bed. I do believe men compartmentalize women: 1. Marriage material, girlfriend material 2. Fun material If you fall into category No. 1, then the man won't be lazy, he will get off his ass and try hard to win you over. If you're considered No. 2, then you will get a minimal effort out of the guy or a less than gentleman-like effort.
Axton Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 That's kind of true. I've dated a whole lot of girls in the 3 years I've been single and have only met a handful that I felt a real connection to. The connection just happens, its chemistry. Those are the girls I'll organize dates like hanging out on a dock on a blanket at looking up at the stars. I'm getting increasingly jaded about dating too. I just don't understand how some people could meet the right person so effortlessly and I've been toiling away at the soil for years and have been absolutely fruitless. 1
Leopard Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I'm getting increasingly jaded about dating too. I just don't understand how some people could meet the right person so effortlessly and I've been toiling away at the soil for years and have been absolutely fruitless. It's not just you. I would say it's the majority. The way I see, it's the wealthy and beautiful people who have trouble finding mates that are suitable (also rich and wealthy which is a rarity already) or the extremely below average people who find it difficult to find a suitable partner. In this world, you have to be average to be happy. I'm sorry if this comes off mean but it's true. Anything better is either used or admired from a distance, and anything less is looked over and unappreciated.
GoodOnPaper Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Swept of their feet simply means women what a "Bazzing!, Pow!, Gee golly I havent felt this way in a long time" type of feeling that comes from a real connection with someone. I dunno why some guys take it so seriously that girls want that. Because it seems like you have to be at the top of the looks/charisma spectrum to be able to generate those kind of feelings in a woman. It's too much to believe that an "average" guy can rock a woman's world in that way. It becomes impossible to believe that you can do it after you've had years of being regularly shut down by women. That degree of attraction can't be THAT subjective.
ThaWholigan Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Because it seems like you have to be at the top of the looks/charisma spectrum to be able to generate those kind of feelings in a woman. It's too much to believe that an "average" guy can rock a woman's world in that way. It becomes impossible to believe that you can do it after you've had years of being regularly shut down by women. That degree of attraction can't be THAT subjective. Why is it "too much"? Is this another variation of "I can't"?
Axton Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 It's not just you. I would say it's the majority. The way I see, it's the wealthy and beautiful people who have trouble finding mates that are suitable (also rich and wealthy which is a rarity already) or the extremely below average people who find it difficult to find a suitable partner. In this world, you have to be average to be happy. I'm sorry if this comes off mean but it's true. Anything better is either used or admired from a distance, and anything less is looked over and unappreciated. I'm not sure how true that is. I think its the result of culture taking its cues as to what "normal" is from a way of living that no longer exists. What was it like to date in the 70s? Men would be the predominant breadwinners that women relied on, so matching was crucial. A woman without a family was ostracized. So there was an plan already in place for a woman to find a man and settle down. Now, that no longer exists. Women have become independent and no longer need men. Men are seemingly shying away from settling down. So its a battle between people who want that "American Dream" and people who just want to travel the world and loosen their commitments. I've found, at least in my city, the majority of women fall in to the latter where I fall in to the former.
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