Beatrixx Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I've noticed that most of the time dumpees always seem to contact their ex in hope of a reconciliation. But has there ever been a time when a dumpee (either you as a dumpee or someone you dumped) has NOT attempted to reconcile with the dumper and simply just accepted the break up and never looked back? I'd like to read some stories about this.
2muchlove Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I'm currently in that process. The only time I tried to change her mind was the final day I saw her when we made it super official. Even though I still weep for the callous succubus, I don't see any reconciliation happening. So I won't bother. 1
Million.to.1 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I move on. Well, to the outside world, and to them, i do. My own personal battle of wanting them back, living in hope, anguishing, stalking or whatever, is something I keep to myself. It passes in time and I'm glad I kept my dignity. 3
ding dong Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I've noticed that most of the time dumpees always seem to contact their ex in hope of a reconciliation. But has there ever been a time when a dumpee (either you as a dumpee or someone you dumped) has NOT attempted to reconcile with the dumper and simply just accepted the break up and never looked back? I'd like to read some stories about this. Im not totally sure I understand your question...but here goes... I dated my live in gf for a few months from Aug 2011 to Almost Dec 2011 and she dumped me, she changed her number and we had No Contact for about a month and she emailed me. We exchanged a few ugly emails and I went back to NC...by mid January we were seeing each other again and by March 2012 we were living together again...July 11, 2012 she moved out, totally blindsided me...been no contact for 4 weeks tomorrow...who knows what will happen this time..
2muchlove Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Im not totally sure I understand your question...but here goes... I dated my live in gf for a few months from Aug 2011 to Almost Dec 2011 and she dumped me, she changed her number and we had No Contact for about a month and she emailed me. We exchanged a few ugly emails and I went back to NC...by mid January we were seeing each other again and by March 2012 we were living together again...July 11, 2012 she moved out, totally blindsided me...been no contact for 4 weeks tomorrow...who knows what will happen this time.. Sorry man, that's rough. Cool that you had a second chance though. Don't give her another after that though. Unless she's a childhood friend you have known for a hot minute.
lovejoy41 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Amen! To what million one said. I can't say that none of the guys that i dumped didn't try to cone back because they did. However, they were all cheaters so I guess that karma & the guilt of knowing that they dogged the woman who was actually "The One" finally caught up to them. The only one I gave a chance for reconciliation was my ex husband. I divorced him. Started back over with just dating & trying to be friends first.That was the worst mistake I ever made. Fortunately, I was long over him so when he messed it up again(in the midst of us trying) my radar was up & I dismissed him real quick. Never even shed a tear. Depends on the situation I guess, if the breakup was good, ldr, etc... In my situation though they all tried but I never backtrack. They're all my "exes" for a darn good reason.
KatZee Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 /me raises hand Likewise. Me too. Ex ended it after almost three years, three months ago. I walked out of his house on May 8th and he never saw me again.
Xestenz Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I'm 7 weeks into no contact after getting dumped by my girlfriend following an intense 5+ month relationship that had talk of love, soulmates, great sex, etc. Early on I would have done anything to have her rescind her decision and go back to the way things were. Watched online tutorials on getting ex's back, texting ex's back, horoscopes, etc. Thankfully I've stood my ground and stayed NC. Now that the emotion is gone I fully recognize that she is so damaged by her failed marriage, and her vision of herself as a matryr for her family has her so boxed into a tough life, that while I care for her I want nothing to do with all of that anymore. Her problems are her problems. I will make no attempt to reconcile with her, but will instead focus all of my energy into finding amazing women who are ready to accept the many gifts I have to offer and are willing to fully reciprocate. 2
Hindsight_is_20_20 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I'm currently in that process. The only time I tried to change her mind was the final day I saw her when we made it super official. Even though I still weep for the callous succubus, I don't see any reconciliation happening. So I won't bother. This is what happened with me too. I made the classic mistake of crying and begging him to reconsider the last time I saw him while he was breaking up with me and saying everything horrible (yet textbook) but when he told me to not contact him after that day I haven't. Of course not a day goes by that it doesn't cross my mind but like we all know.. no good that would do..
lovejoy41 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 My time expired. lol Lastly I was going to say... As for me the dumper I move on. I would never initiate a reconciliation but it's different with me because all of my dumpees cheated. Maybe it would be different if the circumstances had been different.
birdyJ Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 After 7 years with two break ups where I asked him back, this time (5 months ago) I turned and walked. Admittedly I didn't want it to end but I figured what is the point in this anymore. The pattern would continue for as long as I let it. If he returns I'll know it's because he wants to (whether with best intentions or not). As Million.to.1 said he will never get to know my own personal battle, private tears and lonely thoughts. Those are reserved for myself and my closest friends and family who cared enough to stay in my life.
2muchlove Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 After 7 years with two break ups where I asked him back, this time (5 months ago) I turned and walked. Admittedly I didn't want it to end but I figured what is the point in this anymore. The pattern would continue for as long as I let it. If he returns I'll know it's because he wants to (whether with best intentions or not). As Million.to.1 said he will never get to know my own personal battle, private tears and lonely thoughts. Those are reserved for myself and my closest friends and family who cared enough to stay in my life. After 7 years you didn't care to tell him about your personal battle?
birdyJ Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Personal battle meaning the one I face now - continuing to love him when he left. Why would I tell him that?
2muchlove Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Personal battle meaning the one I face now - continuing to love him when he left. Why would I tell him that? Indeed. Why would you?
Samilia Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I've noticed that most of the time dumpees always seem to contact their ex in hope of a reconciliation. But has there ever been a time when a dumpee (either you as a dumpee or someone you dumped) has NOT attempted to reconcile with the dumper and simply just accepted the break up and never looked back? I'd like to read some stories about this. I have been dumped and I have dumped. The last time I tried getting back with a boyfriend I was 17, I learned my humiliating lesson and never did it again.
Am313 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Yup. She dumped me on the phone. That was the third time she broke up in a week, this time she was serious. So....I said goodbye and hung the phone up and moved on. I still think about her but knowing that I will not beg, plead, talk or try at all to get her back makes it easier. I haven't texted, emailed, or called. The result after 2 and half weeks. She's called 4-5 times, sent at least 20 texts, and one email. One night she blew my phone up - 14 missed calls.
Am313 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Yup. She dumped me on the phone. That was the third time she broke up in a week, this time she was serious. So....I said goodbye and hung the phone up and moved on. I still think about her but knowing that I will not beg, plead, talk or try at all to get her back makes it easier. I haven't texted, emailed, or called. The result after 2 and half weeks: She's called 4-5 times, sent at least 20 texts, and one email. One night she blew my phone up - 14 missed calls. 1
Samilia Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Yup. She dumped me on the phone. That was the third time she broke up in a week, this time she was serious. So....I said goodbye and hung the phone up and moved on. I still think about her but knowing that I will not beg, plead, talk or try at all to get her back makes it easier. I haven't texted, emailed, or called. The result after 2 and half weeks: She's called 4-5 times, sent at least 20 texts, and one email. One night she blew my phone up - 14 missed calls. Good for you
BeautyRush Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 The first time he broke up with me was on my birthday thru text. Brutal and callous, right? The reasons? He didn't like the restaurant I chose for my birthday bash and he didn't want me to further hang out with my friends after. So, he never showed up and instead, texted me that it was over because I didn't listen to him. The next day, I was calling and texting him, begging to see and talk to me but he never budged. I had to use another number so he would take my calls. We met and he took me back. Ugh! And the cycle of breaking up, me begging, him taking me back started. But lately, I became numb. It was him who grovelled everytime. Anyhow, I realized that that's way it's called breaking up because it's broken. I don't want to suffer any further.
Floored Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I have not. You want a story? She dumped me a few weeks ago to try out the single life (her words) after almost four years together; she moved four hours away so there's really no hope for just an overnight boombox in her yard, and I'm not going to lose my last gram of dignity to do that. I was planning to get engaged this fall, take her with me to professional school and just live a wonderful life; now it's just been a blurry mess, taking every hour as it comes, slamming coke at work to stay awake and trying to work out to a point of exhaustion so I can sleep. On BU-Day, I really tried to reason with her that this was a stupid, foolish mistake, and I gave her ample chance on that day to take it back before I left for my four hour ride home; now I'm glad she didn't, as that relationship would have been worse, me always wondering who she was going home with that night. I know at this point, it's a mistake she has to make to realize what she had, which is just a stupid concept because it'll be too late by then. Every day I seek the relief of not loving her anymore, and the manner which we broke up and her actions immediately after have expedited the process, but I had a big heart of love for her so it's been an intense process emptying it. It was really hard in the beginning to not beg her to reconsider, or yell at her for being so selfish (all through undergrad I've been footing every bill, buying every gift, while she didn't work so she could 'focus'; all well and good, until the day she gets to her new job and dumps me so she could enjoy all the spoils- yes, this is a point of bitterness I'm trying to absolve, but it's hard to not feel completely used now) and have her realize how absolutely shattering this was. I wish I would have taken off the blinders earlier and realized that I was being taken for a ride, but it's in the past now and I can only move forward knowing I won't let it happen again. The last few days have been really hard, especially after she came home and texted me after 2 weeks NC about NOT wanting to see me. Thanks for that, I was confused about what it meant to be not-dating. What a mind-game that's been. Maybe I have a good opportunity to see that I'm leaving behind a wasteland of a relationship that I'm only fully grasping now that I'm out of it. I realized that I don't want her back, I want the idea that I thought was her back; she simply isn't that person that I thought she was. It hurts because that person I thought existed was a beautiful addition to this planet, and everyone was better for her being here. That person is as good as dead, some kind of gargoyle whore taking her place. That's probably what the anger stage of grief does for a breakup, it destroys the veil and really shows you what a piece of work that person was, and it tarnishes everything that existed between you. The anger stage, though draining, is probably the best for moving on. If you're the one who got dumped, just wait til you get Hulk-out mad for days on end; it'll drop for a day and you'll miss them, but then you'll be back up to red-line rage the next. You'll stop daydreaming of all the ways you could win them back, and fantasize instead of shooting down their apologies when they come crawling back. *rereads post* Whoa, that escalated quickly. See? Hulk-out mad, it'll sneak up on you and just make you ramble on and on. *submits anyway* 1
BeautyRush Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Yup. She dumped me on the phone. That was the third time she broke up in a week, this time she was serious. So....I said goodbye and hung the phone up and moved on. I still think about her but knowing that I will not beg, plead, talk or try at all to get her back makes it easier. I haven't texted, emailed, or called. The result after 2 and half weeks: She's called 4-5 times, sent at least 20 texts, and one email. One night she blew my phone up - 14 missed calls. Same thing happened to me. Few days after he broke up with me, he called me nonstop from 2-4 AM. The next morning, I woke up to more than 20 missed calls, about 12 sms, pmed me on facebook. He then called my cousin asking about me and sending nonstop texts to her as well, saying he will never stop until I will talk to him. Finally, after a week of ignoring him, I gave in. I agreed and took him back with conditions. After few weeks, he was back to his old ruthless ways. *SIGH* Whatta waste of time and energy, huh? Tsk tsk!
fucpcg Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 My ex ex, I dumped her twice. I really don't remember exactly how the first one went, but I remember the second like it was yesterday. The reason was the exact same though, she wasn't looking for a real relationship. At the time I was 36 and looking for something serious, she was 26 and looking to get laid. She always talked about wanting more, but she never delivered. I broke up with her after about a year, about 6 months later we were talking again, and did give it another go. It started off as us acting like a couple, then drifted off to her coming over for sex, and spending all of the rest of her free time doing things without me. When I broke up with her that second time, she pretty much knew I was 100% serious, and she rounded up the couple things she had around my house and left. I made no effort to contact her ever, and she made no contact to me. I knew this was not the kind of relationship I wanted in my mid 30's, and felt convinced she needed a guy her age group. We crossed paths shortly after my ex and I split, which is about 3.5 years after we split up, and we talked, and started hanging out again. The irony of the story is, she was just breaking up with a guy she spent 3 years with that wouldn't commit to her, exactly what I dumped her for. So we were both freshly single, her the dumper, me the dumpee, both feeling a bit vulnerable. We hung out for about 4 months before we finally slept together again, and the funny thing was she was GONE early AM that next morning, just like the old days. She didn't have to be anywhere, she could have just hung out with me, but I can see that will never be in her blood. Sometimes whether or not you talk anymore really comes down to if you were well suited for each other. There was never animosity from me to her, she had some for me after the split, but she wasn't gonna call, and I had no interest in getting back with her. It hurt to lose her of course, but I figured that was my mistake for dating 10 years younger, and I was 100% focused on meeting a woman I could settle down with. If she ever would have called to talk, or hang out seriously as friends, I certainly wouldn't have minded, but no way did I want to date her again, only because I knew we were in totally different places. My recent ex, we were absolutely inseparable best friends, who had a blowout fight, one that led her to breakup with me and refuse to talk. It wasn't like we were not compatible, or at different places in life at the time, we were totally on the same page and in love till the fight. I thought I could get her to talk, thought she would calm down and we could work past it, I was wrong. I tried 3 times over a year, and she never responded to any contact. Went NC, like her, after that last contact which is now 7 months ago. She still hasn't budged. I wonder if that does complete the history of her and I, would be shocking to me, but it looks to be true.
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I move on. Well, to the outside world, and to them, i do. My own personal battle of wanting them back, living in hope, anguishing, stalking or whatever, is something I keep to myself. It passes in time and I'm glad I kept my dignity. This. I have never begged, contacted them relentlessely, tried to change their mind.... I just quietly accept that fact and move on *outwardly*. I fight my own battle in the privacy of my home. I cry, I don't eat, I grieve. But nobody apart from people closest to me would ever know it I think showing a strong face to the world has many benefits and increases your confidence. 2
coltsfan1 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 My ex rippped my heart out. The last time we spoke I told her the truth, I loved her and only wanted her in my life. She did not share the same feelings anymore, so I walked. I was crushed!! I drank to much, I was a wreck in front of mutual "friends," but I never called begged, emailed, NOTHING. She never heard from me, seen me drink to much or break down. I am sure she heard about it, but she has never and will never see that. But 2 years later, we have never spoke to each other and I am sure we won't. I am at a place of acceptance and very near indifference. I do my best to not speak about her good nor bad and work to make my life the richest it can be. But sometimes her memory creeps in and I let the feelings wash over then move on.
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