Is it possible...

[2muchlove]

That I may never get over this year long toxic relationship?

 

I still have so much angst and built up aggression towards the whole thing.

 

What are the chances this will affect me years down the road?

[Mike_d]

*****, I need hope right now, someone please tell me that after 45 days this isn't what I have to look forward to after 365

[2muchlove]

Really though. If what I'm doing isn't really working I need to know what's up.

 

Ive been traveling around the country the past 3 weeks and meeting new people, hanging out with old friends, having a great time.

 

But I've never stopped thinking about her. Sometimes it's acceptance, but recently, after 3 weeks NC(thought it was 4 weeks for a while) I still feel awful. Still super emotional. And I'm a 25 year old guy. Wtf did this girl do to me?

[weallfalldown]

25...try 37 dude!............i went 2 months nc.....and ****ed it up.....jeez i'm such a winging girl i need to get a grip!!!!...

[weallfalldown]

*****, i need hope right now, someone please tell me that after 45 days this isn't what i have to look forward to after 365

.............hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa nightmare

[2muchlove]

25...try 37 dude!............i went 2 months nc.....and ****ed it up.....jeez i'm such a winging girl i need to get a grip!!!!...

 

No way bro. Age has little to do with it. You cared and invested a lot into the relationship emotionally only to get dick in the end. I'd be upset at any age after something like that.

[weallfalldown]

No way bro. Age has little to do with it. You cared and invested a lot into the relationship emotionally only to get dick in the end. I'd be upset at any age after something like that.

 

lets get there, get the **** out of this state of mind, this torment........lets do it........until tmrw morning hahahs

[2muchlove]

lets get there, get the **** out of this state of mind, this torment........lets do it........until tmrw morning hahahs

 

Man we need to get together and go wreak havoc on some poor unsuspecting college-laden bar. Hit me up when you're in the states bro.

[2muchlove]

But in all seriousness.

 

This is a real question. I'm worried I may not recover from this. It feels different from my last breakup, which was with my first "true love".

[Tree_Salmon]

That I may never get over this year long toxic relationship?

 

I still have so much angst and built up aggression towards the whole thing.

 

What are the chances this will affect me years down the road?

 

You'll only get over it when you let yourself get over it.

 

I know guys who hold on for years. Just live your life and you will naturally get over it. Soon as you fall for another cute chick you wont give a f**k about this sh*t.

[Occu3.14'd]

But in all seriousness.

 

This is a real question. I'm worried I may not recover from this. It feels different from my last breakup, which was with my first "true love".

 

 

That scares the **** out of me too. Today is exactly one month since everything went to hell in a handbasket in a matter of minutes.

 

I like to think of myself as a strong guy - you know, the type that wouldn't let a situation like this get to him. But for whatever reason, this is destroying me inside.

 

One ****ing month later, and I still had tears in my eyes on a few occasions today. I think part of it is the loss of her, but another part is the fear that this is going to stay with me for a long, long time. I'm in my 30's, and I've never felt like this about a woman in my entire life.

[Occu3.14'd]

I also remember giving a few friends a hard time when they were going through breakups.

 

I would tell them that they'd get over it, and that it wasn't a big deal. At that point, I couldn't understand what it was like to go through something like this (of course, I had no idea what it was like to fall in love at that point)

 

Unfortunately now, I really, really know how they were feeling.

 

And it sucks

[hinatticus]

I'm just past 5 months and I cried the other day. It does get easier, but not easy. We share a 2 year old so I have to see my ex. It kills me everyday knowing I'm the reason my son doesn't have two parents together. It also kills me everyday knowing my ex left because of me.

 

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel anything....

[dreamingoftigers]

Ohhhkaay gentlemen:

 

Your limbic system (it is in your brain) has become pretty comfortable with those girls you were all dating, when you disrupt that (via breakup) it actually causes a "limbic injury."

 

Your basal ganglia (responsible for anxiety /depression) swells and pushes against the surrounding areas.

 

The good news: it heals intermittently and the swelling goes down over the course of six months. You pretty much normalize after that if YOU STAY NC.

otherwise it disrupts the process somewhat.

 

Sensitive types +/- 2 months or so.

 

Part of why divorce and affair recovery is so rough, you often can't go NC and the stigma/shame etc causes a trauma as well.

 

Depending on the extent of abuse in a relationship there might be some trauma. (I.e. PTSD) if you find yourself having flashbacks etc after the six month mark that are seriously disrupting your life and self-worth, then head in for an evaluation and possibly get some EMDR. often people with PTSD had some childhood markers that predisposed then to future relational trauma as well.

 

So, considering the amount of emotional investment etc, that's why we become more discerning about who we form relationships with as we get older.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm just past 5 months and I cried the other day. It does get easier, but not easy. We share a 2 year old so I have to see my ex. It kills me everyday knowing I'm the reason my son doesn't have two parents together. It also kills me everyday knowing my ex left because of me.

 

Sometimes I wish I didn't feel anything....

 

Sorry to hear of your pain. It sounds like an open wound.

 

That's one of those tough cases I mentioned above. Check and see if EMDR is a possibility for you. It helps 1000%.

 

You can only do the best by your children. I've looked down that precipice, it's tough.

[hinatticus]

Sorry to hear of your pain. It sounds like an open wound.

 

That's one of those tough cases I mentioned above. Check and see if EMDR is a possibility for you. It helps 1000%.

 

You can only do the best by your children. I've looked down that precipice, it's tough.

 

Sorry to thread jack op...

 

 

I'm pretty sure I'm coping alright. I'm already in counseling for my anger issues and my counselor says I'm doing everything right. She's actually proud of my progress. My ex sees some changes as well.

 

I have my good days as well as bad, as do most of you I'm sure. The good days are just good, but the bad days aren't as bad as they once were. I guess that's progress. Mix that in with hope and setbacks and you have my situation.

 

I wish I could just throw in the towel and quit, but the situation I'm in calls for me to fight until I can't fight no more. It's kind of a unusual situation so I won't go into details, but I can tell if we don't reconcile I will be feeling like sh*t for a while longer.

[dreamingoftigers]

Best of luck with the recon.

 

I reconciled after three years of Hell with my husband.

 

We're 7 months into reconciliation. I had to face almost every single solitary personal demon and all of my past. And no, I'm not the WS. it was tough but some days I could literally feel my emotional strength growing.

 

Keep up the good fight. You only need to let go when you've made peace with it and not when everyone else tells you.

 

Sorry to thread jack op...

 

 

I'm pretty sure I'm coping alright. I'm already in counseling for my anger issues and my counselor says I'm doing everything right. She's actually proud of my progress. My ex sees some changes as well.

 

I have my good days as well as bad, as do most of you I'm sure. The good days are just good, but the bad days aren't as bad as they once were. I guess that's progress. Mix that in with hope and setbacks and you have my situation.

 

I wish I could just throw in the towel and quit, but the situation I'm in calls for me to fight until I can't fight no more. It's kind of a unusual situation so I won't go into details, but I can tell if we don't reconcile I will be feeling like sh*t for a while longer.

[Occu3.14'd]

I'm a month out, and she still consumes my thoughts every minute of every day. I'm so sick of thinking about it, but I can't stop doing so.

 

Is this normal?

[TaraMaiden]

But in all seriousness.

 

This is a real question. I'm worried I may not recover from this. It feels different from my last breakup, which was with my first "true love".

 

 

I replied to your question in this thread.

I never got a response.

This is the problem though - isn't it?

[theskyisblue]

Hey, am also starting to feel a bit hopeless with getting over this. Went through my parents divorcing and all the grief of that, got my life in a good place and then she breaks up with me. Makes me fearful of relationships. If somebody can just quit on you how do you connect and trust anybody? It got good and things seemed to be finally going great and then she breaks up with me? This thread seems to be asking a very important question and any thoughts on it would be great.

[TaraMaiden]

Hey, am also starting to feel a bit hopeless with getting over this. Went through my parents divorcing and all the grief of that, got my life in a good place and then she breaks up with me. Makes me fearful of relationships. If somebody can just quit on you how do you connect and trust anybody? It got good and things seemed to be finally going great and then she breaks up with me? This thread seems to be asking a very important question and any thoughts on it would be great.

 

Read the link I put in my post.

People who live in perpetual grief are somewhat responsible for their own mind-set.

 

And much as it may hurt to read that, and invoke protests in your mind - read the linked post first....

[ihateslowjams]

I replied to your question in this thread.

I never got a response.

This is the problem though - isn't it?

 

Very good insight on the dumper's POV. I agree with it, but nonetheless, BU's suck for the dumpees. It takes time to get into the mindset of not caring about what's running in their ex's mind and primarily focusing on their own life/happiness.

 

Right now, I feel stuck in between... Ive been very productive with myself lately, but I still miss her and feel that dreaded hope... I keep telling myself daily that its only a matter of time before I begin to feel completely healed.

[theskyisblue]

Hey taramaiden it's a good post and makes sense. I'm not really sure why but I'm just struggling with getting on with things. I don't sit and think about her, but I am sad that she isn't there. I get she wasn't happy and because of that she finished the relationship. The thing is though, how do you let go of that person. When you are feeling weak and vulnerable how do you find the calm that you so desperately need. Its the feeling of loneliness that I struggle with. Making friends and keeping busy and joining clubs - how do you find the strength for that?

[ihateslowjams]

Hey taramaiden it's a good post and makes sense. I'm not really sure why but I'm just struggling with getting on with things. I don't sit and think about her, but I am sad that she isn't there. I get she wasn't happy and because of that she finished the relationship. The thing is though, how do you let go of that person. When you are feeling weak and vulnerable how do you find the calm that you so desperately need. Its the feeling of loneliness that I struggle with. Making friends and keeping busy and joining clubs - how do you find the strength for that?

 

Im curious about this too. I have this same issue at the moment...

[haribogumsnickers]

It's only possible if you allow it to perpetuate. You have too much love and expectations for that one. Let it go because it already let you go. Growing pains only make you stronger.