Failboy Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I really have the worst type of luck, lol. It's comical. For once I get on a 2nd date since my ex broke up with me. Only to find out this.. Now the issue is this: The guy who impregnated her is a complete douche. Not surprising. Why do women always let those types lay them? Never mind, that's an entirely different topic... Anyways, this guy is aggressively trying to make her get an abortion. She wants to keep it. She is broke, from a broke family, so she'd have to get financial support from him and the state too. I barely know her, have seen her twice so far. Now my issue is... on the one hand, I like her and I don't want her to feel alone going through this rough time. She's only 23. Then again, I sure as hell don't want to be a step-dad right now. I REALLY don't. So my plan is to keep seeing her, but telling her that I can sit the kid once in a while, but sure as hell won't play Daddy. Easy in theory, I'm just afraid of where this could potentially go. Any women round her ever got impregnated by an *******, then dated a good guy while being pregnant and still looking normal?
FitChick Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Tell her to find a lawyer who deals with adoptions. She may have all of her expenses paid for the pregnancy and birth and sometimes they let you pick the parents. Ask her why she'd want to keep a kid who reminded her daily of how stupid she had been getting knocked up by a jerk. Ask her why she wants to be a single mom on welfare. Is that her ambition in life? Don't get involved. You will wind up giving her money. 4
Cracker Jack Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Gotta agree with FC. Getting involved with her at this point might seem like the noble thing to do, but you'll likely regret it down the line. If you want to stay friends with her, cool; I just don't think you should get involved any further than that. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 You're a better man than I am Failboy...that or just extremely dumb for even wanting to stick around! two perspectives depending on who you ask But look, you really need to make this decision for yourself...you're the one that's going to have to be around, however let me enlighten you to a few perspectives. Women are with jerks for validation...they feel like if the jerk accepts and loves them then they are truly worthwhile...because for themselves they don't feel secure and confident in themselves, that's why they settle for so little...they have no idea of their own self-worth/value. So that's why she was even with this jerk, not to mention the idea and hope that women typically want men to change and become "better" partners which of course almost never happens..but everyone wants to be the exception to the rule....isn't life grand? Furthermore...how do you expect this woman to react in a relationship with you when she is pregnant? Pregnant women can go through some drastic emotional mood swings to say the least (I'd recommend you look this up and do some research) and there are likely many other things involved with the pregnancy aspect itself that may be entirely foreign to you, so I'd highly recommend doing research to educate yourself on that. Personally I don't even know a lot about it never having kids or dating a pregnant woman before so that would be my first move. Think of the emotional state though that she's going to be in while with you... - She feels like crap for being dumped and knocked out - She feels abandoned by this man who is the father or her child - He likely tells her horrible things to make her feel terrible about herself and she doesn't know how to feel or think - She might feel that this child will give her something permanent to love and something that will love her back...she may not realize it's another human being altogether and a baby will take everything out of you...it's not walk in the park having kids, it's a total dedication putting something else first process...does she realize that or just the fantasy sound good? I bet on the second. - How does she manage all these emotions or even open up to you with all of this going on? I feel that you're likely pretty young which is why you're kind of going with a fantasy or at least not really understanding the situation you're really trying to get into here...this is not about you and her...do you understand that? do you get that you are not the priority and cannot be in the dynamic of this situation? you'll be the new bf that's with her while everyone's trying to hunt down the jerk and she's "confused" and "overwhelmed"...where do you fit into that equation? can you? My advice to you is that you've only been seeing this girl for two dates...that's nothing. I know how emotions can feel and how compelling that is but trust me that isn't the whole pie, you can't determine a lot about a relationship or the potential in two days. If she was single and not-pregnant...fine, sure, go ahead, see where it goes and how you continue to feel but you're being naive If you think this is just some kind of thing you can simply overlook and won't be a huge factor of the relationship and that somehow you'll just come together and everything will work itself out. Pick and choose your battles wisely in life, two dates...girls pregnant by jerk ex...does that sound like a wise fight to you? That's way too much for you to tackle...hell, I couldn't do it, not after two dates. Do I care and want to help and support the woman? yes, I'm the type that would. Would it be wise to date her and be intimate with her during this tough process? I don't think so at all....I think it would be best for me to step away and let her sort out this difficult situation she is in. Let her focus on herself and whether she wants to have this kid or not and whats all going to happen with the jerk ex, If she does have it you can almost be sure he'll be apart of the picture unless he just gets up and disappears on her. Either way, this isn't your problem...don't over extend yourself, and it's not your responsibility to help or save her...she's been surviving all this time of her life without it...trust me, she can continue so without you. 4
proseandpassion Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Withdraw yourself from this situation. Something similar happened to me, so I sympathize. I met a guy on OLD a few years ago. He was kind of dating someone he'd already met on OLD when we began communicating, but it wasn't anything official. We were really into each other. Then the first girl discovered she was pregnant. Because he wanted to do the right thing, he decided to stay with her and try and pursue something long term. They still do not love one another but have a kid together, yet despite the connection he and I have we'll never be together. It was a huge tragedy for me, but I realized I had to withdraw myself from that drama. It's not worth it. Get out of there. 2
Imajerk17 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I really have the worst type of luck, lol. It's comical. For once I get on a 2nd date since my ex broke up with me. Only to find out this.. Now the issue is this: The guy who impregnated her is a complete douche. Not surprising. Why do women always let those types lay them? Never mind, that's an entirely different topic... Anyways, this guy is aggressively trying to make her get an abortion. She wants to keep it. She is broke, from a broke family, so she'd have to get financial support from him and the state too. I barely know her, have seen her twice so far. Now my issue is... on the one hand, I like her and I don't want her to feel alone going through this rough time. She's only 23. Then again, I sure as hell don't want to be a step-dad right now. I REALLY don't. So my plan is to keep seeing her, but telling her that I can sit the kid once in a while, but sure as hell won't play Daddy. Easy in theory, I'm just afraid of where this could potentially go. Any women round her ever got impregnated by an *******, then dated a good guy while being pregnant and still looking normal? Run Forrest Run. You will end up getting dragged into a situation that just doesn't make sense. If you feel tied to her now, how do you think you BOTH will feel if see her for 3--6 months and are having sex with her? By that point she will be your GIRLFRIEND. Your choices at that point will either be to (a) walk away from her completely, or (b) put in a lot of your energy to take care of her and her baby. 2
kaylan Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Bail dude. This spells huge drama. And why the hell should you raise some losers kid? Dont be a chump dude. And yes, you will end up playing daddy if you stick around.
mesmerized Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Why on earth would you want to get involved with this only after two dates? RUN. 2
Fondue Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Why on earth would you want to get involved with this only after two dates? RUN. Exactly. Even CONSIDERING to continue to date her is completely insane. You have to have some real self esteem issues or be incredibly lonely to try and work with her after two dates and already discussing how you plan to "help" her through this and assist with the kid. If there is level below beta, that's what this would be...
phineas Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Run Forrest! RUN! Or, at least you know she puts out & you don't have to worry about getting her pregnant.
phineas Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Exactly. Even CONSIDERING to continue to date her is completely insane. You have to have some real self esteem issues or be incredibly lonely to try and work with her after two dates and already discussing how you plan to "help" her through this and assist with the kid. If there is level below beta, that's what this would be... This is "Last American Virgin" Beta. 1
The Way I Am Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Failboy, the answer "RUN" seems so common sense here that I really want to know what makes you want to stay. 1
hopeful4someday Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I really have the worst type of luck, lol. It's comical. For once I get on a 2nd date since my ex broke up with me. Only to find out this.. Now the issue is this: The guy who impregnated her is a complete douche. Not surprising. Why do women always let those types lay them? Never mind, that's an entirely different topic... Anyways, this guy is aggressively trying to make her get an abortion. She wants to keep it. She is broke, from a broke family, so she'd have to get financial support from him and the state too. I barely know her, have seen her twice so far. Now my issue is... on the one hand, I like her and I don't want her to feel alone going through this rough time. She's only 23. Then again, I sure as hell don't want to be a step-dad right now. I REALLY don't. So my plan is to keep seeing her, but telling her that I can sit the kid once in a while, but sure as hell won't play Daddy. Easy in theory, I'm just afraid of where this could potentially go. Any women round her ever got impregnated by an *******, then dated a good guy while being pregnant and still looking normal? Sigh. And all the smart, responsible young ladies who wouldn't let themselves be caught dead in a situation like this grumble, because guys just don't seem to ever notice them. Reality check: Much as you are hurting from your recent breakup, and much as you might like this girl, she has just given you pretty undeniable evidence that she makes some really bad decisions. I would suggest getting out now, while you still can, and finding someone who won't instantly bring drama into your life. 1
yongyong Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Bucket list? you mean #99: bang a preggo chick who lactates? :laugh: Bucket list potential here... if he wasnt in capt save a hoe mode, id suggest a quality pump and dump
Sugarkane Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 And my parents always told me having kids is a turn off for guys!
somedude81 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I know the common thought here is to run away. But I'll present a reason to stay. Since she's already pregnant, it means that you can't get her pregnant. That means no condom! (Just being the devil on your shoulder )
Radu Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 If we lived in a better world where your help/dedication would truly help her and she was willing to work on herself, yes. But we don't, so bail. 2
Sugarkane Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I feel my parents lied to me! I thought guys hated baggage? I think I should get pregnant- it seems it would increase my options rather than not?
Sugarkane Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Why do guys always fall for this save a hoe thing?
changchewsoon Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 To even think about pursuing a relationship with her. Run my friend, run hard and run far away. She's not worth it especially after 2 dates, she is going to have a lot of emotional baggage on top of her pregnancy and you will not want to be part of the drama. Imagine if you not only have to deal with her pregnancy, you will also have to deal with the douche bag that knocked her up either way down the road. Trust me on this, YOU DO NOT WANT to be part of all those.
phineas Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Bucket list potential here... if he wasnt in capt save a hoe mode, id suggest a quality pump and dump Bucket list? you mean #99: bang a preggo chick who lactates? :laugh: That ISN'T carrying YOUR baby. 1
phineas Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I feel my parents lied to me! I thought guys hated baggage? I think I should get pregnant- it seems it would increase my options rather than not? Do you REALLY want to date someone like the OP? Think about it.
pink_sugar Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Sorry, but I was never stupid enough to get knocked up by some douche bag I wasn't married to. Doesn't ANYONE understand contraception anymore? What a dumbass. Oh, and of COURSE the dumbass expects everyone ELSE to foot the bill for her stupidity. Typical. There seems to be a lot of that going around in the 20-something age group. In either event, the LAST thing this dumbass needs to do is DATE. I whole-heartedly agree with you and FitChick. I am 23 myself, been on my own since 18, married at 19, been very careful not to get pregnant as we consistently use birth control. This girl is very young and it will be a decision she has to live with for the rest of her life. May I ask how old you are? If you do continue seeing her and the father is out of the picture, you will have to realize her and the baby are a package deal. If she keeps the baby and you can't deal with that, walk away now. Plenty of other men are willing to accept the child as their own.
venusianx13 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 If you want to be there for her, keep her as a friend... she'll need that the most through all of this. Trust me.
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