how to go about asking the ex what she is looking for by contacting me so much

[rd1978]

ok so im kinda in limbo hear on how to go about asking her what she wants,its been like 12 weeks or so since we have been broken up,,,,, after 5 years.... she was hanging out with someone else,, prob still is? but regardless she cannot leave me alone ,,, whether she instant messages me or calls me ,,, i have told her not to contact me,, and she still did and when i started awnsering a month after we split,,, she was so excited to hear from me,,,,, and she would write me more and more....... so then 1 day i called her my friend and she said she couldnt be friends because its not that easy.. but she has probally called me at least 15 times in 2 1/2 months ,and instant messaged me like 25 time's or so? i swear you would think i dumped her

 

lets just say she is given me alot of signs that are leaning towards her missing me ,,,,, and maybe wanting to work things out?---- or she is a big asshol* and is playing games,,, i dont know

 

i know i know so just ask her and find out,,, whats a good way to go about that,, come right out and ask --what are you looking for by calling me so much? or what are you looing to get out of calling me,,,,,, i basically just want to know what the heel she is thinking ,, and if she doesnt want to work on things then she needs to leave me alone, ,, any ideas on wording what i should say to her?

[HokeyReligions]

What's up? You've been calling me and sending me a lot of messages lately. What's going on in your life? Are you missing me? Are you thinking of getting back together?

[woodstok]

Just be straight up and honest with her. Ask her what the deal is because she may be playing games just to keep you there just in case you know. She may even be doing it to mess with your mind a bit girls are like that at times, i am not saying this is what she is doing but its another possability, just find out what the deal is and tellher what you think......

[rd1978]

yeah i have to be straight forward w/ her ,, she called me 3 times yesterday i awnsered 1 call then told her id call back and never did and she called again ,, then today at lunch w/t/f .... i dont know it all points to her wanting to work things out,, the way she says things the things she is doing,, but i dotn give her any satisfaction on anything i remain neutral,, and if she really does want me back she has alot of explaining to do ,, and she is going to have to give it a damn good try to work it out,,,, A person can always forgive but sometime's the afctions are not always forgotten.....

[woodstok]

Just do what you have to do man, i mean i am in the same situation as yours. My ex calls me quite often and it confuses me but i also know she left me and it was for some other guy so if she wants me back then she will have to tell me. I have been straight forward with her, i told her i would like to work things out but not to expect me to be waiting if she changes her mind because i have to move on as well. I told her we could talk on the phone and hang out as friends, but not to expect me to be calling and begging her. I also told her to not even bother calling me if she was doing it out of guilt, out of pity for huritng me, or to have me hanging on because i dont need people like that in my life, i am better than that and deserve better. Well you know what she told me exactly what she felt and now she calls me more often and things are cool because i took control and it might have made her think and at least i know she is not playing games.....Just tell her exactly what you feel and you will be surprised either way of the outcome

[rd1978]

ok i had the talk with her last night,, asked her why she keeps calling and contacting me,,,, she says she doesnt know....... i asked if she ever thaught i was going to ever call her again,, and she said no,,{because i havent once in the 3 months we were split up}..... I asked her if she loved me ,, and she said she didnt know ,, then she asked me ,,, i said yes,,,, there were alot of questions,,, she had asked if there was anyone else, i told her yes but i kinda let it simmer out because it wasnt fair because i couldnt giver her 110% because i kept thinking about her{ Which is obviously the same with my ex because she cant let me go}

 

Basically i wasnt fair to her,, neither was she to me but i think we went around it a circle causing the other to act a way they normally wouldnt because of our actions,, it was a vicious cycle,,, i had the RIGHT awnser's for everything i sad all the right things,,, i hate handing power over like this but i had to i cant take the BS. i am still strong i will not weaken,, the thing is she wouldnt leave me alone,, she would not let me go,,, its not fair because she is hanging out with someone else.....so if she tell's me she cant do it ,, then ill tell her that she is going to have to let me go, and stop contacting me so i can move on with this other person ,,,,

 

now i know she is dating this other guy,, she did not come right out and say it.. i know i messed her head up last night ,, the last thing she would even expect from me was to say the things i did to her,,,,, i know it blew her mind,, { AT this point i dont think it will go to her head} she has done to much,, making excuses just to see me,, calling me,, writing me,, trying to ask me to hang out... etc. etc. ALL she kept saying is i dont know what to say,,,{ she knows if she tells me she is with him then she know she has a much better chance of losing me forever} i guess ill just have top see what happens