Possible visit to a strip club...

[Leigh 87]

. I don't expect a man to never have ever gone to one. I just question a man's priorities and his respect for his partner if he does go.

 

I have read a study that said that women that become strippers end up more jaded toward men since they see the absolute worst in male behavior. If you don't think strip clubs bring out the worst in some men, I have to question why you would think that. I am not saying all men are cheaters but strip clubs don't bring out the best in men at all.

 

 

 

Why does visiting strip clubs once for rare occasions, mean a guy does not have good respect for their partners!!!!!!!???? Sorry, but am NOT a girl who bothers with men who are NOT totally, utterly into me; I would NOT date a man who lacked respect for me.....

 

 

.....My partner treats me as well as a man who had NEVER visited a strip club? His day to day behaviour does not indicate that he lacks respect for me. In fact - he has gone out and partied without me on vacation without me, to all the hot spots for hot women.. and ever cheated. So I do not see how his ONE visit to a strip club, points to his lack of respect for me.

 

Like I said, I know my own partner, and I CANNOT see him ever meeting " the one" girl that is right for him, and necessarily " changing" his opinion of strip clubs.

I do not think all men who visit strip clubs lack respect for their parners AT ALL.

What shows a lack of respect, are their day to day actions, and unwillingless to CHANGE their pattern of seeing strippers FOR their partners....

 

 

 

 

Look, I REALLY take issue with you ASSUMING that all men out there who ever visit strip clubs, are tasteless, and do not respect their partners! They could very well visit strip clubs with THE RIGHT girl for them! So it is NOT about lacking respect or love for their partners. I KNOW men who are crazy about their girlfriends, who see strippers once every two years or so.

[RickyLovesLucy]

 

You have NEVER been or you haven't been since you have been married?

 

That's what we're discussing here.

 

The irony is that women want masculine, aggressive men, but expect them to be angels. Well. Not all women. Some have reasonable expectations.

Never ever. I was no angel and I got into plenty of trouble when I was young but not once did any of my friends ever say "let's go to a strip club".

 

I think we disagree on the nature of masculinity and aggressiveness, too. I don't see a particularly strong connection between having aggressive career goals and looking at naked women. Masculinity certainly involves masculine sexuality and a man with no outlet for his sexual needs might well be tempted. But we're talking about guys that have GFs so that isn't an issue.

 

I can see that you and I have had totally different lives and that's cool, but please understand that there is a very wide range of human experiences and yours is but one of many.

[RickyLovesLucy]

Chrissylee and other ignorant people will have you believe that guy+ a strip club= a guy who is NOT in love with their partner.

I actually agreed with you up till you started the name calling. Those women aren't ignorant, they just have different views about how to have a successful relationship. To the degree they made unilateral statements about all relationships everywhere, yeah that was a mistake. But I'm not sure if name calling helps solve the problem.

 

It also really burns me up when people do overgeneralize, especially when it it applies to me and that's led to some ugly flame wars elsewhere. I've just started trying to gently point out to people that their specific experience and views may not apply to everyone. We'll see how that works.

[jobaba]

Never ever. I was no angel and I got into plenty of trouble when I was young but not once did any of my friends ever say "let's go to a strip club".

 

I think we disagree on the nature of masculinity and aggressiveness, too. I don't see a particularly strong connection between having aggressive career goals and looking at naked women. Masculinity certainly involves masculine sexuality and a man with no outlet for his sexual needs might well be tempted. But we're talking about guys that have GFs so that isn't an issue.

 

I can see that you and I have had totally different lives and that's cool, but please understand that there is a very wide range of human experiences and yours is but one of many.

 

How old are you?

 

It might be a generational thing, judging from your avatar.

 

Honestly, mostly every single guy I know has been. I realize that not every guy has but you and most women would be smart to realize that MOST guys of a certain age have been.

[EasyHeart]

Yes - to you. Other people have different opinions of it. I have heard and seen the gamut of relationships, from those in which the bf did not allow the gf to even meet male friends in public places, to those in which both parties happily engage in sex with other people in swinger clubs. Who is to say they are wrong, and where the 'reasonable' limit lies? What is 'reasonable' to you may not be to another. All that matters is that both parties in a relationship are happy with it and willing to compromise on both sides.

 

If you feel not going to strip clubs is an unreasonable expectation and you are unwilling to compromise on that, then be with a woman who is okay with it. Considering how many people have brought up this issue as one that they are uncomfortable with, I don't think it is at all 'unreasonable'. I would not be happy with my bf going to a strip club without me, and he knows that. If, hypothetically, it was his best friend's bachelor party and he absolutely had to, I would let it go as a one-off occasion. Fortunately our culture doesn't uphold strip clubs as an integral part of the bachelor party, so that has not happened yet. That is just me, and my relationship. Yours will undoubtedly be different, but do not be so quick to judge others for being different from yourself.

Ummm, hello? I'm not judging anyone. The whole point of this thread is to share perspectives about OP's boyfriend going to his buddy's bachelor party.

 

Do try to keep up.

[Ruby Slippers]

Men are generally more titilated by seeing naked women. Women are generally more titilated by receiving the adoration of men. If it's okay for a man to "once-in-awhile" go and watch other naked women, that means he or the naked woman isn't doing anything wrong, right? If that is the case, then it should be perfectly okay for a man's partner to "once-in-awhile" strip down and display her body to men that will show her the adoration and compliments she wants. There is nothing wrong in her showing her body is there? As long as she doesn't touch any of the men, it should be okay. If the rule apply to men going to watch naked women, then the rules should apply to a woman dancing naked.

Exactly. He tells me he's going to the strip club, and I say, "OK, I'll stay home and do a cam strip tease while you're out."

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Women are sleazy too. Any time a guy cheats, it has to be with somebody, right?

 

The funny thing is a lot of women who have cheated before are ones who will have moral objections to strip clubs. See the irony?

 

 

The funny thing is a lot of women who have cheated before are ones who will have moral objections to strip clubs. See the irony?

 

 

Which is why I said: "I have no doubt that there are many men (and women) that do tons of sleazy stuff in relationships." You are the one that specifically said "men" in terms of doing sleazy stuff. I'm the one that said "men "and women". You see that right?

 

A lot of women who cheat object to strip clubs?????? Since when?

 

 

It's not about obsession. Most guys who go aren't into them. The last time I went for a guys bachelor party, one guy was sleeping! It's about having been. If you've been to a strip club, you've been.

 

I will remember that next time I am told all day long that "men are men and they like naked women." Or the million of other comments that fall into line about how much men like women's bodies and lusting after them and biology and lust and sex and lust and women and their bodies and lust..... But I will remember that when men go to strip clubs, when there are actual real naked women before them, most likely very young women, that they fall asleep. Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Exactly. He tells me he's going to the strip club, and I say, "OK, I'll stay home and do a cam strip tease while you're out."

 

Right. How many guys would be okay with that? My guess is that most guys don't want their girlfriends and wives having conversations and flirting with men while she is naked even if they aren't physically touching. *Most*, not all. Some men I think would be turned on by that but I think that is more rare.

[jobaba]

 

A lot of women who cheat object to strip clubs?????? Since when?

 

 

You're kidding right?

 

Lots of women have cheated or made out or slept with known taken guys.

 

Lots.

[Woggle]

Truth be told I would not want my wife grinding on some guys so I will extend her the same courtesy. It's only fair.

[jobaba]

Exactly. He tells me he's going to the strip club, and I say, "OK, I'll stay home and do a cam strip tease while you're out."

 

I mean, if he goes on initiative and gets lap dances, then yes...

 

But if it's for his best friend's bachelor party, and he just sits there and drinks beer.

 

I'm not promoting strip clubs. The cheating thing maybe wasn't a good comparison. I just think women are generally in the dark about how many of their men go. I've been to a bunch of bachelor parties with married guys and guys in relationships. All nice, good guys who would never cheat. They just sit there and drink beer and buy lap dances for the bachelor...

[Els]

Ummm, hello? I'm not judging anyone. The whole point of this thread is to share perspectives about OP's boyfriend going to his buddy's bachelor party.

 

Do try to keep up.

 

Really, now? What was all that about this:

 

You're kidding, right? This whole thread is about women who want to treat their boyfriends/husbands as pets.

 

Not judging, mm?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Leigh 87

Why does visiting strip clubs once for rare occasions, mean a guy does not have good respect for their partners!!!!!!!???? Sorry, but am NOT a girl who bothers with men who are NOT totally, utterly into me; I would NOT date a man who lacked respect for me.....

 

In my relationship, I would see it as disrespect. This doesn't mean that he is always disrespecting me or that he doesn't love me. I agree that a man can LOVE his partner and enjoy other women. I just don't think that justifies the behavior either. I don't think a man's ability to dually love his partner and be turned on by other women means it's okay for him to put himself in purposely tempting and sexual situations. We aren't just talking about "love". Relationships are not just compromised of "love". You need so many other factors to make it work. So it's not really fair to say that because a man loves his woman, this makes his other behavior okay. No one is arguing that a man can't love his partner and look at hot women.

 

The reality is that men and wome nboth do certain thigns that might make their partner feel desrespected. I have heard that for men, when their partner is at a social gathering and she recants a story about something he was inept at, that that man can easily feel disrespected. She might just be talking and joking and not think anything of it but if *He* feels disrespected, then he was disrespected. And it's her duty to listen to why he felt that way and not do things that make him feel disrespected.

 

Clearly partners aren't always going to agree on what should or shouldn't make the other partner feel disrespected. But you aren't going to get anywhere telling the other person, "Well that is stupid, you shouldn't feel disrespected about that." It's better to say, "Okay, I understand that his makes you feel disrespected. While that behavior wouldn't make me feel disrespected, I respect your feelings on this." That way the couple can come to a conclusion together about where to go from there. Where ever "there" is.

 

 

 

.....My partner treats me as well as a man who had NEVER visited a strip club? His day to day behaviour does not indicate that he lacks respect for me.

 

I can. I don't think you have to be beating your parter with a bat everyday for it to be disrespect. It's actually the little choices we make day to day that are the most important because they create the dynamic and environment in our relationships. Little signs of disrespect can be just as important as bigger ones.

 

Ways men can feel disrespected from their day to day lives:

 

She keeps nagging me to fix the garage door, I told her I would do it. Doesn't she trust me?

 

Does she have to tell her mother how I couldn't figure out to set up the TV? Does she think I am stupid?

 

Ways women can feel disrespected from their day to day lives:

 

Wow, he is really looking at that woman over there. She is very beautiful but he appears to really like the way she looks. Doesn't he know I'm the one standing with him?

 

We just had this argumet and he said I was being silly. He doesn't understand me.

 

Men and women can feel disrespected for different things. It's those small things and what a partner decides to do that is going to make the difference.

 

 

In fact - he has gone out and partied without me on vacation without me, to all the hot spots for hot women.. and ever cheated. So I do not see how his ONE visit to a strip club, points to his lack of respect for me.

 

It doesn't. Not for you. It would for me.

 

Like I said, I know my own partner, and I CANNOT see him ever meeting " the one" girl that is right for him, and necessarily " changing" his opinion of strip clubs.

I do not think all men who visit strip clubs lack respect for their parners AT ALL.

 

To me, it is disrespecteful. To you, it isn't. That's why we make the choices best for us individually.

 

Look, I REALLY take issue with you ASSUMING that all men out there who ever visit strip clubs, are tasteless, and do not respect their partners!

 

I think going to a strip club while having a commited parter is disrespectful. I don't think he is "tasteless" and not "respectful" of his partner all around. Just in that case.

 

 

 

They could very well visit strip clubs with THE RIGHT girl for them! So it is NOT about lacking respect or love for their partners. I KNOW men who are crazy about their girlfriends, who see strippers once every two years or so.

 

That sounds like men that are going in cases that aren't just bachelor parties. Are they okay with their woman showing off her body to other men once every two years or so too?

[RickyLovesLucy]

How old are you?

 

It might be a generational thing, judging from your avatar.

 

Honestly, mostly every single guy I know has been. I realize that not every guy has but you and most women would be smart to realize that MOST guys of a certain age have been.

LOL! Not quite that old! Let's say that I fell out of the dating pool after the sexual revolution but before AIDS appeared.

 

It's possible it's a generational thing. AIDS might have changed things too.

 

I believe that most of your friends have been to a strip club or two. Also, stripper poles are now to be found in private homes. That certainly indicates that strip club attendance is more common now than it used to be.

 

"Most" is a strong word, but I think we can agree that it's quite common for men to have visited strip clubs at least once.

 

I can certainly understand why women don't care for it. If it is an important non-negotiable concern, well that will reduce the scope of available partners but at least the relationship has a greater chance of success.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You're kidding right?

 

Lots of women have cheated or made out or slept with known taken guys.

 

Lots.

 

How many strip clubs do you know that cater to women?

 

How many strip clubs do you know that cater to men?

 

Yet when women go they cheat and when men go they are 100% respectful and never cheat?

 

Come on Jobaba. Do you really believe that?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I mean, if he goes on initiative and gets lap dances, then yes...

 

But if it's for his best friend's bachelor party, and he just sits there and drinks beer.

 

I'm not promoting strip clubs. The cheating thing maybe wasn't a good comparison. I just think women are generally in the dark about how many of their men go. I've been to a bunch of bachelor parties with married guys and guys in relationships. All nice, good guys who would never cheat. They just sit there and drink beer and buy lap dances for the bachelor...

 

What? So him getting actual lap dances, live and in person is the same thing as her simply showing off her body across a computer screen? Where no man are touching her and she isn't touching any men?

 

It seems to me that you are saying no one wants to go to strip clubs but men all go anyway and sit like drones, completely unmoved, just drinking beer and averting their eyes.

 

I don't think any woman here is under the notion that most men haven't been to strip clubs. Doesn't mean he is a terrible guy. But it doesn't mean he is a good guy either.

[jobaba]

 

I can certainly understand why women don't care for it. If it is an important non-negotiable concern, well that will reduce the scope of available partners but at least the relationship has a greater chance of success.

 

I mean, to be honest I think it's silly too. I'd rather get blasted drunk or go sing karaoke or something.

 

But so many guys do it. When I told my Ex that I was going for my best bud's party, I told her the truth. We got into a big fight.

 

Do I think women overreact about the bachelor party strip club thing? Yes.

 

Would I not go for mine if my fiance said 'No way'? Absolutely.

 

I mean, if my fiance went to a male revue and did no touching, that's no big deal (not really engaged).

[jobaba]

What? So him getting actual lap dances, live and in person is the same thing as her simply showing off her body across a computer screen? Where no man are touching her and she isn't touching any men?

 

It seems to me that you are saying no one wants to go to strip clubs but men all go anyway and sit like drones, completely unmoved, just drinking beer and averting their eyes.

 

I don't think any woman here is under the notion that most men haven't been to strip clubs. Doesn't mean he is a terrible guy. But it doesn't mean he is a good guy either.

 

I dunno really.

 

I think it's one of those situations where you think you have the moral high ground because you have never done it. For whatever reason, there's no male strip clubs and male prostitutes. I don't know why. Women like sex and are just as shallow as men.

 

Like I have never cheated. So I used to think I was morally better than the many people who have. But then you start to see things in gray.

 

It's a funny thing.

 

I think women have a right to be upset if their guy goes to a strip club, but if he's going to go for his best friend and just sit there and he lets you know, I think relationships are about that kind of compromise and honesty.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I mean, to be honest I think it's silly too. I'd rather get blasted drunk or go sing karaoke or something.

 

But so many guys do it. When I told my Ex that I was going for my best bud's party, I told her the truth. We got into a big fight.

 

Do I think women overreact about the bachelor party strip club thing? Yes.

 

Would I not go for mine if my fiance said 'No way'? Absolutely.

 

I mean, if my fiance went to a male revue and did no touching, that's no big deal (not really engaged).

 

It was good you where honest with her even if it created a fight Jobaba. Really try to put yourself in a woman's shoes. She's at home while her guy is out having fun with other young naked women.

 

I don't think women want to be kill joys or buzz kills. It's just that they don't understand why milestones are celebrated, especially ones regarding lifetime fidelity, by visiting women in a sexual environnment.

 

I think it's easy for you to say that a male show wouldn't bother you because looking at the human body is much more attuned to how *you* are turned on. But a lot of women are turned on differently. Would you be bothered if your partner wanted to dance naked infront of other men? Even if she wasn't touching them or even talking to them?

[jobaba]

 

I think it's easy for you to say that a male show wouldn't bother you because looking at the human body is much more attuned to how *you* are turned on. But a lot of women are turned on differently. Would you be bothered if your partner wanted to dance naked infront of other men? Even if she wasn't touching them or even talking to them?

 

Yes. That is true. That would bother me.

 

OK. Something to consider...

[Disenchantedly Yours]

jobaba

I think it's one of those situations where you think you have the moral high ground because you have never done it.

 

It doesn't have anything to do with my morals. It's just a matter of respect for me.

 

For whatever reason, there's no male strip clubs and male prostitutes. I don't know why. Women like sex and are just as shallow as men.

 

Because women are attracted to different things and turned on by different things. That is why there aren't nearly as many male strip clubs or male prostitutes, if any male prostitutes. Women DO like sex as much as men. We CAN be shallow too. But women are not turned on the same as men and certain things are not going to be as threatening. Men are much more threatened with the idea of their partner showing of her body to other men. Most men want their partner's body to be only "for him".

 

 

Like I have never cheated. So I used to think I was morally better than the many people who have. But then you start to see things in gray.

 

I agree with you, there are shades of gray. I don't think I am morally better then anyone.

 

It's a funny thing.

 

I think women have a right to be upset if their guy goes to a strip club, but if he's going to go for his best friend and just sit there and he lets you know, I think relationships are about that kind of compromise and honesty.

 

Which is why a lot of women here have said that those situations are okay with them. I just question how many men are really just innocently sitting there not starring or excited by what they see. To me, it would be a little navie to think that he wasn't some what titilated.

[chrissylee]

Sure, but there has to be some sort of reasonable basis for your "boundary". I once (briefly) dated a woman who didn't like the fact that I drank skim milk. I always made sure to buy some whole milk for her to drink, but she claimed that my not switching to her preferred dairy beverage showed that I didn't value her or the relationship. I put this sort of thing in the same category.

 

Not wanting a man to go to a strip club is a very reasonable boundary in a relationship. There is room for two people (me and my SO) in my relationship. In my view, him going to a strip club where there are naked chicks dancing sexually for him on stage (and trying to dance on his lap), is him having sexual contact with someone other then me and ischeating.

[brahmabull117]

You know if there's ever a thread about strip clubs or porn, disenchantedly yours is going to be there preaching about how men looking at nude women will annihilate every marriage and means that that the man has no respect and couldn't care less about a wife

 

 

Give it a break, DY. You're making a huge deal out of nothing. In this case, it's not even the OP's husbands' idea to go to a strip club. They're going there for a BACHELOR party. Why in the hell would anybody care about that? Unless maybe if you're a paranoid jealous freak who thinks that your BF will cheat on you the second he sees some flesh? Not to mention most strip clubs I've seen don't even allow any touching anyways

 

 

It would be different if the OP's husband wanted to go to a strip club by himself, I would wonder what's wrong with him but this is for a bachelor party. My god, talk about turning a mole hill into a mountain

[chrissylee]

I do NOT think it means he loves me any less; I do NOT think he will meet " the one", and suddenly think " wow, I will never feel comfortable or right about going to a strip club ever AGAIN.

 

I just think it is ..... beyond a joke, to assume all men who visit a strip club once every year, that they must NOT truly be " into" their partner,

 

........... Why can't people SEE that there ARE decent men out there, who do visit strip clubs occasionally, and still love their wives very much!!?!?!?!

What is IMPORTANT, is that the male partner is able to go without a strip club if that is what their partner needs.

 

 

If the wife is OK with her guy going to a strip club and he goes I would say he loves her. However, if she is 100% against it and tells him how she feels and that it would hurt her, then yes I would kinda wonder if he really loved her since he would be willing to put her through that kind of pain.

[chrissylee]

 

I'm not promoting strip clubs. The cheating thing maybe wasn't a good comparison. I just think women are generally in the dark about how many of their men go. I've been to a bunch of bachelor parties with married guys and guys in relationships. All nice, good guys who would never cheat. They just sit there and drink beer and buy lap dances for the bachelor...

 

 

They should like great guys.....Helping a guy who is about to get married cheat on and make a fool out of his soon to be wife.....