kaylan Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Uh, just because guys are having a stripper dance in front of them doesn't mean they're going to bang them. You realize you can't even touch the strippers at most places right? If you're going to feel bad about a man going to a strip club, you should probably ban him from looking at porn as well. Both are harmless entertainment Anyways, I don't care for strip joints - it's just a giant waste of money and great way to get blue balls. In this case though, it's just for a Bachelor party so who cares? If he was going to a strip joint because he wanted to see some tits by himself then I would be worried. This is nothing more than guys being guys Strippers don't f*ck their "clients" and a guy going to a Bachelor party is no big deal You dont know the guys I know then...because this is false.This ain't all the time though. It's just a one time thing for a Bachelor party and it's not even his idea - it's for a friend from what I gather I wouldn't care about my GF going to a Bachelorette party where they will order a stripper Respect should be all the time. And if my gf ever had to hit up a strip club Id make sure she knew the ground rules. However I dont date women into that sort of thing.
ascendotum Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 he is an enviroment that involves sexy woman strutting their NAKED bodies to these horny men. MEN ARE GOING TO LOOK, and that is what I do NOT like. because they will be thinking about sexual things in relation to another woman. it's disrespectful. I guess it depends how smashed they are as to how coherent those thoughts will be or whether its simply going to be reflex attraction like a baby seeing a nipple. There are a lot of guys out there who will see a pretty girl walk past in the mall wearing a sexy outfit and will imagine her naked. A day at the beach surrounded by bikini girls is barely any different in terms of visual stimulation. Just saying you cant police his mind, if he's inclined to be a naturally easily/highly aroused guy, but at least you get to reap the benefits back home.
brahmabull117 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 You dont know the guys I know then...because this is false I suppose some strippers are also escorts but if you're worried about that, then I would worry about your man being alone at any time whatsoever cause you can order an escort pretty much any time you want What happened to trust? And if my gf ever had to hit up a strip club Id make sure she knew the ground rules. However I dont date women into that sort of thing. It's not like we're talking about somebody going to a strip club by themselves, we're talking about a strip club for a friend for a bachelor party Talk about making a big deal out of nothing
proseandpassion Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I wouldn't think twice about my husband/boyfriend/partner going to a strip club. Not a big deal at all to me. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 OP - if you are NOT going to issue an ultimatum (I wouldn't), then the only option you really have is to figure out how to deal with it. I agree with this, either issue an ultimatum or don't say anything. The "I want to to go with your friends but i don't approve" line is a cop out. Not to mention it's manipulative, and mixed signals.
kaylan Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I suppose some strippers are also escorts but if you're worried about that, then I would worry about your man being alone at any time whatsoever cause you can order an escort pretty much any time you want But even the women who are simply strippers sometimes screw clients...especially if she thinks she can get something out of the guy. What happened to trust? What happened to respect? Most people I know wouldnt disrespect their mate by desiring to go somewhere where naked people rub up on them and take their money. It's not like we're talking about somebody going to a strip club by themselves, we're talking about a strip club for a friend for a bachelor party Talk about making a big deal out of nothing And If you read my first post in this thread, if the guy knows her ground rules, then he can go....but a lot of guys out there will make her look like a fool anyway and then expect his friends to stay quiet about what he did. As long as he knows the rules, and wont be touching the girls or have them up in his face, then all is well.
proseandpassion Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Well, I will trust him until proven that he can't be trusted. But I can't tell him what to do, nor do I want to. Just like I wouldn't like him to tell me what to do. My friend told me how they stick shot glasses in their va-jay-jay and do a head stand upside down and the guy will take the shot out of her hoo-hoo. GROSS. I know my boyfriend would never do that. OR I would DEFINITELY leave him. I think we'll be okay if you say vagina instead of hoo-hoo and va-jay-jay. We're grown ups, I swear.
RickyLovesLucy Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Well, I will trust him until proven that he can't be trusted. But I can't tell him what to do, nor do I want to. Just like I wouldn't like him to tell me what to do. My friend told me how they stick shot glasses in their va-jay-jay and do a head stand upside down and the guy will take the shot out of her hoo-hoo. GROSS. I know my boyfriend would never do that. OR I would DEFINITELY leave him. That sounds like a practice that exists somewhere between extremely rare and total urban legend.
Author venusianx13 Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Well, it's out in the open that I don't approve. However, he did say that he'd never go on a whim for "fun", and that he hopes and prays that they don't end up at one. What would I have him do; wait outside the door? No. I won't hate him or break up with him if he goes. Just as he wouldn't be thrilled about me going to a male strip club for a bachelorette party. I trust him. He trusts me. I guess this is a good test for the relationship.
ascendotum Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 That sounds like a practice that exists somewhere between extremely rare and total urban legend. That sounds like some outback wild honty tonk strip club or maybe a house party with hired strippers. Different states & provinces will have their own rules. In my city the well known CBD venues differ a bit from the outer suburban ones. They are more like gentlemans clubs, there is no back rooms, bouncers patrol and cctv is there to make sure things are under control in terms of touching, as they dont want to risk losing their licence.
chrissylee Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Strip clubs are harmless IMO. He doesn't have to get a lap dance. Make sure you are honest with how you feel and that he understands. Although I also think lap dances are harmless and I have no problem with my partners getting one, I know not everyone will share in this opinion. Also, going to a strip club for a bachelor party is like the MOST innocent thing you can do. Strip clubs, in a realtionship, are anything but harmless. Men in relationships have no business being in a place like that. They are seedy places with trashy women who are looking to make a quick buck by dry humping random strangers. Any man who goes to a strip club before he gets married is probably marrying the wrong person. If you feel so much like you are losing your "last night as a free single man" then you probably should stay single. 3
chrissylee Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Not a big deal. Best case scenario: He goes, is perfectly well-behaved, and comes home happy to show you love. Worst case scenario: He goes, sleeps with a stripper, and when you find out, you realize that he isn't who you thought he was, and you can move on and find someone trustworthy. I don't get being jealous about looking at other women. I look at guys, but I certainly wouldn't sleep with them. I just enjoy looking. It's natural. How is it a best case scenario that he goes and some trashy stripper turns him on and he comes home and sleeps with his gf? :sick::sick: 2
RickyLovesLucy Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 That sounds like some outback wild honty tonk strip club or maybe a house party with hired strippers. Wow. I'm sorry to be corrected. Thanks I guess. I just can't see a guy risking a venereal infection, much less passing it on to his partner, by engaging in oral-genital contact with a 'hired stripper'. But I confess to being somewhat naive.
Bristolius Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 A benefit of not being too upset or disapproving is that it would make it less risky for him to be open about what he's doing and thinking about doing. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I find it really dishonest when guys try to convince women how “innocent” strip clubs are. I am not saying all guys in relationships that go to strip clubs are cheating but to go to the other extreme and claim strip clubs are “innocent” is ludicris if you ask me. Men don't go there for the "innocence" and they don't really go there to "bond". They go there for other naked women period. Bonding can be done at sporting events, a regular bar where *gasp* women have their clothes on...pretty much male bonding can occur anywhere without naked ladies. It's pretty amazing. Venusianx, for me, it’s a matter of respect. No one wants to be debbie downer and dictate what their boyfriend can do. We all hope our boyfriends make the best choice for our relationship over peer pressure from his buddies or fleeting desires. It is absolutely a difficult situation to be in. And it's hard not to feel a bit bitter and troubled over it when you are sitting at home and you know your guy is watching beautiful naked women. All you can do is talk to him openly about your feelings. Ask him how he would feel if you were spending the entire night, not with grinding naked man-boys in g-strings, but with handsome men raining you with attention and compliments over drinks or dinner. If he experiences those uncomfortable feelings you are, he will better be able to sympathize with your feelings. Personally, I don’t really get the whole ritual of celebrating your impending marriage to one woman by going to watch a bunch of other women sexually and naked. To me, it kind of seems humilating to the fiance and to the girlfriends or wives of the men that are pretty much skipping out of their relationship for a few hours to enjoy other women. It's like saying, “I am so happy to be marrying you honey so I am gonna go oggle all these young hot babes. Haha!" It can make a woman feel foolish and like she is being desrespected. I also don't really think the best advice falls into, "all his friends are going to do it!" I guess it's okay to conform to what all his friends are doing yet we are suppose to believe that he has the maturity and ability to make the right choices even as he is just doing something because his friends are? Sounds like men are pretty easy toward peer pressure in such situations. And that's a huge weakness. Which is why women question what is going on. All in all, I think a lot of men justify the whole strip club thing because it is cloes enough to the line that they aren't physically cheating but it lets them be right there where they can enjoy themselves with other women. And I think it's a crappy thing to do to the one woman you claim you love. I like when guys go camping for a weekend or do guy bonding that way. In a way that doesn't have to involve naked sexy women in sexual environements. Unfortunetly, alot of men will choose the strip club because they are more interested in celebrating other women and oggling them then they are respecting their own partners. Socially, it's okay to humilate a man's female partners this way. It has become an "acceptable" way to humilate the woman a man is "committed" to. 4
communityFan Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I have been in the same position as your BF and more than likely you have absolutely nothing to worry about. If he said he doesn't like strip clubs and you trust him then you should believe him. If you make a huge deal of it, then it only makes it more appealing. Don't say anything and trust your BF.
veggirl Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I would not be cool with it. A group of guys need to go watch naked women "dance" for a good time? To bond? What?! I don't buy the s.hit that it's just innocent fun, no one is hardly paying attention to the strippers etc. If that was true, why go? Why not go to a normal bar? Dudes go to strip clubs for a very specific reason--to watch girls strip for them. They do not go to bond with their boys or to have a drink. It is completely disrespectful to their woman at home. And I'm sure when the strippers find out its a bachelor party they are thinking cha-chinggg 2
jobaba Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) My friend told me how they stick shot glasses in their va-jay-jay and do a head stand upside down and the guy will take the shot out of her hoo-hoo. GROSS. Only at the raunchiest, underage places. Those places usually don't stay open for long. Classy places where most 'normal' guys end up for bachelor parties = Liquor + Topless only. Bottoms aren't usually allowed to come off if there's a full bar. Va-jay-jay and Johnnie Walker = bad mix. It shocks me how little women know about strip clubs. ALL of your men have been. ALL OF THEM... I worked at a place where half of the guys from work used to go for LUNCH on occasion. All nice, normal guys. Not skeeves or players wanna be types. A number of them had girlfriends. Yes, for lunch... Edited August 8, 2012 by jobaba
veggirl Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Only at the raunchiest, underage places. Those places usually don't stay open for long. Classy places where most 'normal' guys end up for bachelor parties = Liquor + Topless only. Bottoms aren't usually allowed to come off if there's a full bar. Va-jay-jay and Johnnie Walker = bad mix. It shocks me how little women know about strip clubs. ALL of your men have been. ALL OF THEM... I worked at a place where half of the guys from work used to go for LUNCH on occasion. All nice, normal guys. Not skeeves or players wanna be types. A number of them had girlfriends. Yes, for lunch... Why would a guy go to a strip club for lunch? Honestly. Why? Half the guys you worked with lunched at a STRIP CLUB. It wasn't for the food, I am sure. It was for what...to oggle naked women. Nice. It shocks ME how innocuous you are trying to make strip clubs out to be. You act like it's like going to the library. You really don't understand why some women are not cool with their man purposely seeking out other live naked women? 1
communityFan Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Why would a guy go to a strip club for lunch? Honestly. Why? Half the guys you worked with lunched at a STRIP CLUB. It wasn't for the food, I am sure. It was for what...to oggle naked women. Nice. It shocks ME how innocuous you are trying to make strip clubs out to be. You act like it's like going to the library. You really don't understand why some women are not cool with their man purposely seeking out other live naked women? What is the problem at looking at naked women? This is why I hate American culture we are so uptight here. I wish I lived in Europe where nudity isn't as big of a deal.
jobaba Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 (edited) Why would a guy go to a strip club for lunch? Honestly. Why? Half the guys you worked with lunched at a STRIP CLUB. It wasn't for the food, I am sure. It was for what...to oggle naked women. Nice. It shocks ME how innocuous you are trying to make strip clubs out to be. You act like it's like going to the library. You really don't understand why some women are not cool with their man purposely seeking out other live naked women? That wasn't my point at all... My point was that all guys have done it. It's just something you do. If you live in a city, probably more times because it's just something that happens to be a destination after bar hopping around. I have never initiated going to a strip club. I don't like them. But I've been. I'll add that I'm a nerdy little Asian dude. Guys who are jockish, party boys, pretty boys, good with women etc, likely have been more. Better to have your eyes open. If your guy says to you... "Yea, every now and then when I was younger (23-30) we used to end up there when I was drunk. But I don't like them. Most bachelor parties end up at a strip club. I'll go but I won't get a lap dance." THAT'S what you want to hear. Do you want the truth or do you want to scare your man into telling lies? Edited August 8, 2012 by jobaba
chrissylee Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 That wasn't my point at all... My point was that all guys have done it. It's just something you do. If you live in a city, probably more times because it's just something that happens to be a destination after bar hopping around. I have never initiated going to a strip club. I don't like them. But I've been. I'll add that I'm a nerdy little Asian dude. Guys who are jockish, party boys, pretty boys, good with women etc, likely have been more. Better to have your eyes open. If your guy says to you... "Yea, every now and then when I was younger (23-30) we used to end up there when I was drunk. But I don't like them. Most bachelor parties end up at a strip club. I'll go but I won't get a lap dance." THAT'S what you want to hear. Do you want the truth or do you want to scare your man into telling lies? [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]If a man really loves his gf he wouldn’t want or needstrippers or lap dances.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
Els Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 FWIW, I have never agreed with the 'bachelor party + strip club' culture. Thankfully that mostly only seems to be booming in the USA - plenty of people in other cultures are happy to just head out with their friends to a bar or dinner. Saves plenty of angst, IMO. See, the thing is that it may be called a 'bachelor' party, but you really left your bachelorhood behind the day you stepped into a committed relationship. So did your non-single friends. We don't live in an age anymore where there is no commitment (or sex...) prior to marriage and marriage says it all. The line between commitment and marriage is a lot more fluid now. That being said, I also don't think that a one-off night is worth making a big issue out of. If it IS a big issue to you, though, you need to let him know that. Not in the 'If you go I'll break up with you!' way, but in the 'It would make me feel....' way. 1
Sugarkane Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Exactly my point. Ask your boyfriend if he is okay with you having some naked male stripper grinding on you and rubbing his d*** in your face. I can already predict the answer. Thats exactly how I feel too. I wish women visited male strip clubs at least half as much as men do. 1
Leigh 87 Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 This is a dilemma I face also. He is going to one this weekend and I told him point blank I do not approve but won't tell him what to do. He said that it is harmless and he never gets a lap dance. BUT the fact remains... he is an enviroment that involves sexy woman strutting their NAKED bodies to these horny men. MEN ARE GOING TO LOOK, and that is what I do NOT like. because they will be thinking about sexual things in relation to another woman. it's disrespectful. But even some some men who are really, really in love, look at a hot girl from time to time, and have sexual thoughts in relation to them..... In my opinion, a man can be truly in love, and still have sexual thoughts about good looking women. It is only when men think about other women sexually MORE than they do their own partners, that you have to worry! In my opinion.... This is just my opinion; I know guys who are CRAZY about their partners; and yet they still have sexual thoughts about other women. 2
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