weallfalldown Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I was wandering? Do most women, if they've been hurt too much in a relationship....secretly deal with the hurt within the relationship until they;ve dealt with enough to feel like moving on????....then bam???
2muchlove Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I'm afraid so. I've seen it happen with plenty of friends over the years. And it happened with my most recent ex. I'm not a female though, my bad.
KatZee Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I'll give you both of my scenarios and then you can make your judgment call... My ex from 6 years ago... I knew we didn't have that "spark" to keep things on a relationship level. I was with him about two years and I stayed out of comfort, and he was a decent enough guy but I wasn't attracted to him, and I was scared to be alone and wasn't sure what I'd do if I was single (naive and insecure I know!) anyway, things were going downhill and I wound up meeting a new guy while I was dating him. I never cheated, but we became friends and I realized I was falling for him. After a few months it enabled me to detach from the boyfriend, and just cut the cord and move to the next. My most recent ex-- the one I left my ex-ex for-- he was like a yo-yo. I began the process of moving on and the feelings of breakup about 3 months before the actual breakup even happened. The last time he played the yo-yo game I knew it wouldn't end. So I went through the denial, the bargaining, and all of those HORRIBLE breakup feelings three months prior. So I had gotten that all out of my system. When the split happened, I didn't even have any tears. There was nothing. I was detached emotionally, and I was like... "it is what it is, we're not going to be friends, bye." And May 8th was the last day I ever saw him. I think this is why I've moved on as quickly and as well as I have, post-breakup.
Author weallfalldown Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 I'm afraid so. I've seen it happen with plenty of friends over the years. And it happened with my most recent ex. I'm not a female though, my bad. well hello.... yea...us blokes tend to just ride it out......keep going.
2muchlove Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 KatZee I admire your ability to do something like that. And believe me, I'm not judging. I did plenty of wrong in my relationship. But for the love of god, unless he's a piece of sh*t, don't do that to a poor guy that loves you. And yea, weallfalldown. I don't think that's every guy. But I definitely did. I promised as well as she did to make it work no matter what happens. And I held my end of the bargain. She didn't. The callous hobo.
Author weallfalldown Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 I'll give you both of my scenarios and then you can make your judgment call... My ex from 6 years ago... I knew we didn't have that "spark" to keep things on a relationship level. I was with him about two years and I stayed out of comfort, and he was a decent enough guy but I wasn't attracted to him, and I was scared to be alone and wasn't sure what I'd do if I was single (naive and insecure I know!) anyway, things were going downhill and I wound up meeting a new guy while I was dating him. I never cheated, but we became friends and I realized I was falling for him. After a few months it enabled me to detach from the boyfriend, and just cut the cord and move to the next. My most recent ex-- the one I left my ex-ex for-- he was like a yo-yo. I began the process of moving on and the feelings of breakup about 3 months before the actual breakup even happened. The last time he played the yo-yo game I knew it wouldn't end. So I went through the denial, the bargaining, and all of those HORRIBLE breakup feelings three months prior. So I had gotten that all out of my system. When the split happened, I didn't even have any tears. There was nothing. I was detached emotionally, and I was like... "it is what it is, we're not going to be friends, bye." And May 8th was the last day I ever saw him. I think this is why I've moved on as quickly and as well as I have, post-breakup. so you obviously loved him?.....but he messed with your head?...the most recent one?......i knew it......you women are very calous when you wanna be, but that's just your way of coping i suppose..
KatZee Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 so you obviously loved him?.....but he messed with your head?...the most recent one?......i knew it......you women are very calous when you wanna be, but that's just your way of coping i suppose.. Yeah, my most recent one lied to my face up and down. Cheated. Emotionally toyed with me. Loved me one day didn't want to be with me the next. Yeah I loved him, tried to make it work. Bent myself in half trying to make it work, but he pulled this game time and time again like clockwork. So the last and final time he did it, I started protecting myself. I don't think that's "callous" as you so call it. What he did to me was far worse than me protecting myself.
Author weallfalldown Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 yea callous is harsh......i feel like an idiot now, as i kind of did that to her but without the cheating bit.....no wonder i got bit......but i know it's because we didn't work......god i've gotta stop dwelling.......this site is great, but i'm starting to think the more i'm on here, the more i think about it all......hmmm oh well
hopeful4someday Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I was wandering? Do most women, if they've been hurt too much in a relationship....secretly deal with the hurt within the relationship until they;ve dealt with enough to feel like moving on????....then bam??? I'm a woman, and I would say yes and no. When I think back over the relationships I've left, usually I've expressed my feelings at some point and the guy has chosen to either ignore them, minimize them, discredit them, or return to the behavior that caused them in the first place. When I realized that things weren't going to change, then I typically would silently consider my escape for a while while looking for behaviors that supported that things weren't improving, and then I would break up. It seems strange that someone would never voice a complaint (via argument, fight, or otherwise) and just leave out of the blue one day, unless they weren't very invested in you to begin with.
AnchordHeart Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I'll give you both of my scenarios and then you can make your judgment call... My ex from 6 years ago... I knew we didn't have that "spark" to keep things on a relationship level. I was with him about two years and I stayed out of comfort, and he was a decent enough guy but I wasn't attracted to him, and I was scared to be alone and wasn't sure what I'd do if I was single (naive and insecure I know!) anyway, things were going downhill and I wound up meeting a new guy while I was dating him. I never cheated, but we became friends and I realized I was falling for him. After a few months it enabled me to detach from the boyfriend, and just cut the cord and move to the next. My most recent ex-- the one I left my ex-ex for-- he was like a yo-yo. I began the process of moving on and the feelings of breakup about 3 months before the actual breakup even happened. The last time he played the yo-yo game I knew it wouldn't end. So I went through the denial, the bargaining, and all of those HORRIBLE breakup feelings three months prior. So I had gotten that all out of my system. When the split happened, I didn't even have any tears. There was nothing. I was detached emotionally, and I was like... "it is what it is, we're not going to be friends, bye." And May 8th was the last day I ever saw him. I think this is why I've moved on as quickly and as well as I have, post-breakup. Wow. Dumpers make me sad.
Wake_Me_Up Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I hate it when women go on and on and f*cken on about wanting to meet prince charming and then they do and still leave him for the dude who abuses them. Yeah, I know there's a bunch of psychology behind their rationale but still, stfu if you're going to go out and hurt decent guys and turn them into not so nice guys because you decided to take your emotional roller coaster and invite him for a ride. I never felt like this when I was just 'having fun' with girls and being friends with girls with the clear distinction that there was no crazy relationship thing happening. The two really serious relationships I have been in were normalish girls who then turned into complete nut jobs.
KatZee Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I hate it when women go on and on and f*cken on about wanting to meet prince charming and then they do and still leave him for the dude who abuses them. Yeah, I know there's a bunch of psychology behind their rationale but still, stfu if you're going to go out and hurt decent guys and turn them into not so nice guys because you decided to take your emotional roller coaster and invite him for a ride. I never felt like this when I was just 'having fun' with girls and being friends with girls with the clear distinction that there was no crazy relationship thing happening. The two really serious relationships I have been in were normalish girls who then turned into complete nut jobs. If this is regarding my post, I didn't leave a "prince charming" for an "abuser." The one I wound up leaving was extremely needy, clingy, mommy's boy. He didn't even know how to take care of himself. He didn't know how to wash his own clothes and didn't even know what personal hygiene was. I wound up becoming a mother figure. That's why it was never a feeling of a romantic relationship. He also was so needy that he'd freak out at times. There was one fight we had when I just wanted to get away and not speak to him and instead he grabbed me roughly on my arms and wouldn't let me go. Another time when we were in my car and he was trying to get me to stop the car to talk? On a road that had no shoulder... there were cars behind me and as I was driving he shifted my gears from Drive to Park out of no where. My whole car just jolted and I close fisted punched him. Our relationship was not healthy. I felt guilty for leaving because he did try and I thought if I stayed that I would eventually feel it. That was my lesson. You can't force feelings of love. The guy I wound up leaving him for didn't show signs of being a complete a-hole until well over a year with him. Prior to all his nonsense, I thought we were literally a perfect amazing couple. My lesson here was don't stay in something and continue to try when it's clear the other person doesn't want to. It's not as if I completely ruined a prince and went to a frog, there's a lot more to it than how black and white I wrote it above.
Appleness Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 No one leaves Prince Charming for an abuser... The more accurate scenario for (I think) most women is that we see lots and lots of frogs. Some of these frogs promise that they are Prince Charming and we try so hard to decipher who is telling the truth. When we finally find a truthful frog, we kiss him and he, in fact, DOES turn into Prince Charming.... he just also happens to have ****ty best friends who hate you (because they see you as a threat), have the emotional maturity of a stillborn tadpole, or is a really bad communicator. I am a woman who doesn't believe in nagging. If I tell you to do something and you don't do it, I'll do it myself. I don't just ultimatums but I do mean what I say. After 8 years of being together, I basically told my ex that I was going to propose within the month if he didn't. He claims when he went ring shopping for me with his friend, his friend talked to him about it and he's all confused. Then he broke up with me because the friend said I was rude. Did I cry? Yes but because I pitied how stupid he was. I am over it after 3 months? Yes because like KatZee, I had checked out at the end. I was tired. I wanted to know that if I was to check walking on eggshells that he wasn't going to turn around and leave me for someone 10 years younger. Did I mention he wanted to get me pregnant? And after the BU only gave me a few days to move out? He was once Prince Charming too.
KatZee Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 No one leaves Prince Charming for an abuser... The more accurate scenario for (I think) most women is that we see lots and lots of frogs. Some of these frogs promise that they are Prince Charming and we try so hard to decipher who is telling the truth. When we finally find a truthful frog, we kiss him and he, in fact, DOES turn into Prince Charming.... he just also happens to have ****ty best friends who hate you (because they see you as a threat), have the emotional maturity of a stillborn tadpole, or is a really bad communicator. Holy eff... I like... freaked out here b/c this is my ex to a T. Things fell apart due to his crappy friends who hated me for no reason other than the fact I was a threat, and their loyalties were with HIS ex. I never felt comfortable enough to open up around his friends because when I tried, I'd find out they were talking crap behind my back and it would make me close up even more. My ex never defended me, he always excused his friends. He had ZERO emotional maturity, he would just ignore me if we had problems and would fall off the earth for days and then come back as if nothing happened... this leads into the poor communicator. Whereas I thought we had a great relationship, two years into us I find out he cheated, thought things were so bad (really? coulda fooled me) and didn't think we were supposed to be together. Up until the almost 2 year mark I thought he WAS prince charming.
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