irc333 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 With that recent post about someone getting ready to PROPOSE to their ex, I'm starting to notice a lot of people getting back together with their ex's (not ex spouses but ex girlfriend/boyfriends. Do people only do this when they've dated here and there, got sick of the dating scene,and then go crawling back to the ex, reason being....the reason they do it, is because that's the only thing their familiar with?
DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Hi, im the guy who put up a post about proposing to his ex. Id advise not to let my situation be one to go off for thinking this! I have been in long term relationships before, longer than with the woman i am going to propose and have never gone back or tried to go back to them! Exs are usually exs for a reason, unless this is something that can be sorted out then going back is foolish! But then again love is a horrible thing sometimes
TaraMaiden Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Love isn't horrible. what we define love as, and the way we act on it - is horrible. 1
Arabella Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I've been considering going back to my ex-fiance for months now, and though it hasn't happened... I can tell you the reason why I'm considering it. Sometimes, time puts problems into perspective. What might have seemed like a mountain at the time with emotions running rampant, could turn out to be just a molehill. In my case, I believe if he got his ***** together life-wise, we would be fine. However, this hasn't happened yet, so I'm not back with him. -A
todreaminblue Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 With that recent post about someone getting ready to PROPOSE to their ex, I'm starting to notice a lot of people getting back together with their ex's (not ex spouses but ex girlfriend/boyfriends. Do people only do this when they've dated here and there, got sick of the dating scene,and then go crawling back to the ex, reason being....the reason they do it, is because that's the only thing their familiar with? the complete illusion of better the devil you know>devil is an appropriate word. I contemplated for a while going back to my ex, actually battling for him.I cant do it.I dont want to hurt the other person, myself or others who depend on me to chase a pipe dream that would en din disaster and probably knowing me I would be the front line take her out first position with no weaponry.I think going back is a mistake .The problems that existed to break up the relationship are still there festering bubbling waiting to boil over.I don't believe in going backwards normally, and I am glad this time I listened before it was too late I am not full of bullets which is a good thing for me and the nursing staff.
Art_Critic Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I've never gone back to any ex... I did however keep in contact with my exwife for a few years after the divorce till my step daughter was old enough to keep in contact with me herself and I can tell you without a doubt the she is my ex for a reason. I never thought that the contact was about going back to the ex rather it was about my step daughter but it did provide a window into the what if scenario An ex is an ex for a reason..
iris219 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 People go back to exes because they are lonely and desire companionship. I've gotten back together with an ex because there were no other options. Sure, I cared about him, but we couldn't make a relationship work, and I would have rather found someone better suited, but I couldn't. I think this is the case for a lot people--they can choose to be alone or be with their ex. Often, they get to a point where alone is better. On the other hand, some believe they will never find anyone else and settle down with the ex, and sometimes this works just fine. It wouldn't have in my case, however.
Author irc333 Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 People go back to exes because they are lonely and desire companionship. I've gotten back together with an ex because there were no other options. Sure, I cared about him, but we couldn't make a relationship work, and I would have rather found someone better suited, but I couldn't. I think this is the case for a lot people--they can choose to be alone or be with their ex. Often, they get to a point where alone is better. On the other hand, some believe they will never find anyone else and settle down with the ex, and sometimes this works just fine. It wouldn't have in my case, however. Yeah, In my area, everyone is pretty much together, but I often wonder if they're really happy, because geographically, there's not many dating options if things don't work out between you and you're current sig. other. So they just stay with the sig. other or never get divorced
monkey00 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Do people only do this when they've dated here and there, got sick of the dating scene,and then go crawling back to the ex, reason being....the reason they do it, is because that's the only thing their familiar with? I think that's part of the reason for most people. My ex spent almost a year trying to win me back. We tried getting back together a couple times immediately after the breakup and it never worked. After that, I realized we were done and no matter how much trying she did, I wouldn't budge. The familiarity of everything with the person is nice. But as some other posters said, the problems that existed will still exist often times. Sometimes it's just easier to be alone then go through hell again. Just about 1/3 of the break ups I hear about IRL, people do get back together.
Author irc333 Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 I think that's part of the reason for most people. My ex spent almost a year trying to win me back. We tried getting back together a couple times immediately after the breakup and it never worked. After that, I realized we were done and no matter how much trying she did, I wouldn't budge. The familiarity of everything with the person is nice. But as some other posters said, the problems that existed will still exist often times. Sometimes it's just easier to be alone then go through hell again. Just about 1/3 of the break ups I hear about IRL, people do get back together. Yeah, there was this one woman I know...that had like an on and off thing going on with a guy out of state, apparently she was still "dating" a guy back in her home state, and would travel every so often to see him. BUT, at the same time, she would be dating men locally (of course those men didn't know about the out of state guy) This guy was constantly an on again off again boyfriend to this woman for YEARS. One woman I went out with a couple of times, but didn't do much with her after that...found out later she had a boyfriend of 5 years. It's like they date people, while they have some PERMANENT man in their life they keep going BACK to after a few dates don't work out with the new guy. And some of these women have the audacity to say "We've been together for FIVE years" regardless of breaking hearts of other men she's been dating during that time. I mean, if you have an on and off relationship going on, for 5 years, you ahve NOT been together for 5 years.
TG1 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Yes people eventually go back to their exes all the time, at one time or another
monkey00 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Yeah, there was this one woman I know...that had like an on and off thing going on with a guy out of state, apparently she was still "dating" a guy back in her home state, and would travel every so often to see him. BUT, at the same time, she would be dating men locally (of course those men didn't know about the out of state guy) This guy was constantly an on again off again boyfriend to this woman for YEARS. One woman I went out with a couple of times, but didn't do much with her after that...found out later she had a boyfriend of 5 years. It's like they date people, while they have some PERMANENT man in their life they keep going BACK to after a few dates don't work out with the new guy. And some of these women have the audacity to say "We've been together for FIVE years" regardless of breaking hearts of other men she's been dating during that time. I mean, if you have an on and off relationship going on, for 5 years, you ahve NOT been together for 5 years. I personally know 2 people that do that, guys in fact. Who have gfs out of state/out of country, but they date and screw other women. None of the women and gfs know what the inside scoop is and the guys don't disclose anything either. But they pretty much assume their GFs are doing the exact same thing anyway, so it saves them from the guilt trip. Yes people eventually go back to their exes all the time, at one time or another Yeah, could take months or even years. You never know. Celebrities do it all the time too.
TG1 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I personally know 2 people that do that, guys in fact. Who have gfs out of state/out of country, but they date and screw other women. None of the women and gfs know what the inside scoop is and the guys don't disclose anything either. But they pretty much assume their GFs are doing the exact same thing anyway, so it saves them from the guilt trip. Yeah, could take months or even years. You never know. Celebrities do it all the time too. And that is why people sometimes cheat on their boyfriends and or girlfriends with their exes
monkey00 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 And that is why people sometimes cheat on their boyfriends and or girlfriends with their exes Sad but true. Sometimes you'll never know if you were number 1 or settled for.
Sugarkane Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Well I haven't heard from a couple of exes ever and it's been years. I'd rather start new. I wonder more about guys who stay/ date in relationships often years and say they never marry. Then breakup and marry someone mere months later. Why is that?
Leopard Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Mmmm... Well the reason I went back to my ex (when I did) wasn't because I was sick of the dating scene, it was because I was either a) horny b) had nothing better to do on a friday night and he was always "open" to me But I didn't get back together with him. I have never gotten back together with an ex after breaking up with them. After all, if I really wanted to be with them I wouldn't have broken up with them. I also don't understand this phenomena. I can understand sleeping with an ex, because you know they are clean, and you are familiar with each others' bodies and sexual habits, but I don't understand getting back into a relationship that already failed.
FitChick Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I don't know anyone personally who has ever gone back to their ex, including me. Once I'm done, I'm done. However, it's a good ruse to use when turning down/dumping someone, male or female. 2
carhill Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Having seen one significant portion of my social circle at a wedding on Sunday, about 170 people in total at the reception, I looked around the room and didn't see any obvious examples of 'get back together' couples. Of the wedding party, both sides of parents were divorced and there with their new(er) spouses. Others whom I knew, most married 20+ years, were there with their current spouse, obviously. The kids, of those I've known, including the bride/groom, same. The sister of the groom, apparently separated for about a year, told me she was moving from Utah to Cali now that the kids are older. She's been married for 24 years. On and on. I'm sure it happens, and I've seen some rancorous 'reunions' of couples before they finally divorce, but so far nothing long term. YMMV.
iris219 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Having seen one significant portion of my social circle at a wedding on Sunday, about 170 people in total at the reception, I looked around the room and didn't see any obvious examples of 'get back together' couples. Of the wedding party, both sides of parents were divorced and there with their new(er) spouses. Others whom I knew, most married 20+ years, were there with their current spouse, obviously. The kids, of those I've known, including the bride/groom, same. The sister of the groom, apparently separated for about a year, told me she was moving from Utah to Cali now that the kids are older. She's been married for 24 years. On and on. I'm sure it happens, and I've seen some rancorous 'reunions' of couples before they finally divorce, but so far nothing long term. YMMV. It depends on the availability of other options once you break up. My ex and I haven't been to a wedding without each other in 7 years and we've only been together for maybe 4 or 5 of those years. Our options were go alone (and be the only single people) or go together (Why not? We always have fun at weddings together.) He could have found a random girl to be his date, but that's not his style. Many of the people there don't realize we've broken up at all when we show up together. My female friends feel "forced" to go back to exes. Most of the women I know do this, eventually. My best friend was on and off with the same guy for 5 years until she moved out of the country. She did this because she had no options. I have another friend who was the same way with a guy for 8 years until she finally met someone else (whom she supports; he doesn't work). Where I live, women typically have two choices: be single indefinitely or remain with or go back to people who aren't right for you. No one I know would have went back to their ex if they had any other options. Having no dating options can be very depressing, frightening, and can cause you to make very bad decisions.
carhill Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 From my perspective, for such a dynamic to function, both spouses/partners would have to embrace the 'no options' perspective, and that's exceedingly unlikely in most demographics. This of course presumes 'want', meaning they both want a partner. I saw this 'want' markedly in my friend's daughter, the separated one, as she interacted with the males at the wedding. My best friend gave me the early head's up, since I was one of the few single guys there. My bet is she'll be successful in attracting a new partner, since the want is there in sufficient quantity. In our area, for sure, since males are surplus. A man, though having a bit tougher go of it, can also move on, and most (nearly all in my memory) move on. They just need to be more aggressive and out-compete the other surplus males for the females. Generally, their exes (the women) are deluged with offers the moment it's known they're single so options generally aren't an issue. Obviously, this is particular to place and demographic so YMMV, as it apparently does in your demographic. That's why I suggested to the friend's daughter that a move to our area would likely be a positive one on the relationship front. I like giving good news
grkBoy Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 With that recent post about someone getting ready to PROPOSE to their ex, I'm starting to notice a lot of people getting back together with their ex's (not ex spouses but ex girlfriend/boyfriends. Do people only do this when they've dated here and there, got sick of the dating scene,and then go crawling back to the ex, reason being....the reason they do it, is because that's the only thing their familiar with? It could be many things. Seen men and women run to the ex because they honestly never stopped loving that person. Seen some go back because it's "safe" or "familiar" to them. Seen some just run back as a "last resort". In the end, the ex has a foot in the door. Look how many people fight, break up, but yet still bang one another because they don't want to face a dry spell or even dating.
Jamesblame Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 There's a lot of reasons to get back with your ex. Especially if it was a long term relationship. When I lost my LTR Girlfriend I lost: Our shared dreams Her friends (who used to be ours) Her family Her companionship Her Friendship. Those are hard things to lose, and very appealing when its time to consider getting back together. My ex currently wants me back, but I'm in a relationship. She is devastated because when talking it's clear that I miss the friendship and companionship over the romance. A part of me wants to go back to her, but I know I'd be unhappy romantically...especially if that meant leaving the woman I'm seeing now. I do however, cry at the notion of losing the ex from my life. It's just not a romantic loss anymore.
Xestenz Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 From my experience here on LS, people tend to take a very hard line on breakups, which is understandable given all the cumulative pain that is expressed here. However, I believe successful relationships have as much to do with things outside our control (timing and context) as they do the things we can control (our attitude, actions, and expression of emotions). If people are in a different place when they meet (for instance, one just out of a LTR, different goals in dating, etc.) they might still get together at first because of real chemistry, attraction, and mutual interest. But it seems that these situations are often destined to fail. However, if these same folks down the road find their aspirations more in synch and not too much damage has been done during the breakup, then why not reunite? You get together in the first place for a reason, right? Frankly, it is hard to find someone who you would want to share your life with who actually wants to share it with you. This, for me, is a big part of what makes breakups feel tragic and hard.
proseandpassion Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Usually, time makes us realize we took a good thing for granted. Or, we go out there and have a few bad experiences and we want to run back to what's familiar. I only have one ex I'd get back with -- and it was my first boyfriend whom I met when I was 19. I was crazy in love with him, and was for years afterward after he ended things with me. I still have very fond memories. Everyone else, though, NO WAY.
venusianx13 Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I went back to my ex 3 times... because I mistook feeling sorry for him for loving him.
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