DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Ok, so iv decided to propose to my Ex girlfriend!! Now I know on paper that this probably is a terrible idea but im going for it! Our relationship ended a few months ago because of the excuse"she didnt want to hurt me". At the time I thought it was just one of the lines that people use and because she was such a nice person I just got on with it as one of these things that happen even though I was madly in love with her. Since then we have been in constant contact and she has since explained more clearly that the whole "i didnt want to hurt you" line actually wasnt a line! Basicly she has recovered from cancer about 18 months before we met and has been told it could come back at anytime and has also been told she cant have children! I always made it clear that having a family was something I wanted some day, hence she saw that continuing our relationship would just be "wasting my time"! We have tried the whole on and off thing and FWB but I know that the first time i met her I fell in love with her and that if not having children is what it takes to give up then as long as I get to be with the love of my life then being honest-its a small price to pay! Im perfectly aware that based on the fact that we are not an exclusive couple that there is a bigger chance of her saying no rather than yes so I know that coming out of this with a broken heart is a huge possibility but my way of thinkin is that if I wake up in a few years time and see an invitation to her wedding to someone else i will spend the rest of my life thinking "what if"!! She has invited me to her friends wedding and I have spent a fortune on a ring, im not going to do it on the day of the wedding out of respect but the day after it i thinking, speech prepared and everything!!! I know im probably insane for doing this but hey.....no regrets!!! Opinions?????
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I hope she doesn't have someone new. Just don't put her in the spotlight, don't do it publicly. Generally that line comes from ppl who are either in full blown GIGS or have an affair, or simply are afraid of commitement/have huge baggage. About the kids thing, has she been told that her ovaries are completely done ? If not, she can still have kids, through a surrogate mother with you. And if they are done, you two can adopt, lots of kids out there who deserve loving homes. PS: Did you watch Sweet November ?
mickleb Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I was prepared to tell you what a terrible idea this was but, having read the circumstances, I can see why you're keen. It's very sweet. I have concerns about the 'we are not an exclusive couple' bit, though. What does that mean? How long were you seeing her for? 2
Author DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 She doesnt have somebody new, we are both completly single! The whole not exclusively going out thing - we have been seeing each other but with no labels i guess! Neither of us have been seeing anyone else-im 100% sure of this. As for adoption-due to her illness this is something that isnt very likely as she would not have a very long life expectancy! (its complicated so just trust me on that) The surrogate is an option but isnt something she is overly comfortable with as she wants to be the one to carry the child....but i suppose that is something that can be discussed. But for now the option of children isnt on the table
Janesays Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Good luck! Please come back and let us know what she says!
Author DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Does anyone think she'll actually say yes???
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 She doesnt have somebody new, we are both completly single! The whole not exclusively going out thing - we have been seeing each other but with no labels i guess! Neither of us have been seeing anyone else-im 100% sure of this. As for adoption-due to her illness this is something that isnt very likely as she would not have a very long life expectancy! (its complicated so just trust me on that) The surrogate is an option but isnt something she is overly comfortable with as she wants to be the one to carry the child....but i suppose that is something that can be discussed. But for now the option of children isnt on the table It depends, have you talked with a lawyer ? Does anyone think she'll actually say yes??? She might if that was truly her reason.
Author DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Yeah she has gotten legal advise on this on her end! I havent looked into it as its not my place at the moment!
Author DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 How long have you known her, OP? About 2 years
mickleb Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 About 2 years And you love her with all your heart?
Author DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 From the second i met her I had a feeling like iv never had before and since then my love for her has only become stronger!! Its a bit cliche to say but i honestly see her as my soul mate and i would give everything and anything just to see her happy, even if that ment not being in her life!
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 She alone to adopt, yeah, there might be a problem. But with you, with your families backing you two up ... talking directly to a private adoption agency. There are ways. And the India option is 20k $.
mickleb Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 From the second i met her I had a feeling like iv never had before and since then my love for her has only become stronger!! Its a bit cliche to say but i honestly see her as my soul mate and i would give everything and anything just to see her happy, even if that ment not being in her life! Then go for it, sweetheart. You owe it to yourself and could make her very happy. Before you do, be prepared for her to say 'no', though. This is a possibility, so you can't ignore it. You need to be sure you handle it if she doesn't accept. Right behind you though!
Janesays Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I say go for it, too. Worst that can happen is she says 'no.' But NO REGRETS! 2
Author DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Im 100% prepared for a no! If shes yes then ill have to figure out how to react on the spot! Hopefully. At least i guess if she says no ill know its time to move on
mickleb Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Im 100% prepared for a no! If shes yes then ill have to figure out how to react on the spot! Hopefully. At least i guess if she says no ill know its time to move on Okay - then you're ready! If she says no, then you will need to move on romantically but I presume you can still remain her friend? (I don't normally advise this sort of thing, but the circumstances are different here. You'll still need a bit of time going NC, though, to process all this.)
Author DDOWE Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Ah at the end of the day if im willing to propose to her and want to be with her for the rest of my life then if she says no-cutting off contact completely wouldnt be a smart move! Either way i care about her as a person as well as a life partner 2
mickleb Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Ah at the end of the day if im willing to propose to her and want to be with her for the rest of my life then if she says no-cutting off contact completely wouldnt be a smart move! Either way i care about her as a person as well as a life partner You will probably benefit from a little time by yourself just to process the shift in the relationship, though, DDOWE. Anyway - she might say 'yes'!
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Would you be comfortable in sharing what kind of cancer she's had and how severe it was ?
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