Garlicandsapphires Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Hi everyone, I came across this forum while I was looking for information on whether or not getting back with one's spouse after a long break was possible...or healthy... or sane. My story, and I will try to keep it brief: My husband and I met in High School when we were 14. Dated on and off for years and were together "officially" from 17yo on. He was my first love. We married, we had 3 children. In our 20's he began to show signs of depression/mania. He was shortly after diagnosed with bipolar disorder. During our marriage and as the bipolar disorder became worse, there was (on his part), cheating, abuse both physical and emotional, alcohol abuse, leaving for weeks at a time, etc. I worked and tried to keep things sane for the kids. He went on and off meds for a long time, trying to deal with his bipolar disorder. Then, he just went off of them. All along, I tried to stay with him, tried to reason with the sane part of him, tried to get him to stop drinking and self medicating. 2 years ago, I told him he had to leave after a particularly bad episode (paranoia, threw all of my things outside, locked me out of the house, slapped me). My hope was, that after 17 years of marriage, it would be the reality check he needed to get back on meds and stop drinking. Instead, he took up with a 23 year old (he is 40) girl within a month. Drank a lot, partied, etc. In his sober moments, he would beg to come back, to do anything, said that the girl was the first person that pursued him and he felt he needed someone. We have been separated 2 years. He has been back and forth with the girl the whole time. He says he can't stand her (she is bipolar too), but that he now feels obligated towards her and he is trying to break up with her without hurting her horribly. I have a boyfriend as well... we see each other rarely due to our work schedules- maybe a couple of nights every few weeks. We have been seeing eachother for about 6 months. A couple of months ago, after not communicating for some time, my STBXH called me. He had gotten on meds and been on them for several months. He had quit drinking. He wanted to see the kids. I took them to see him for the first time in 18 months. Immediately, I saw the change in him. We spent the weekend with the kids and it was very positive. And now, he is saying he wants us back. He is moving out of the gf house in 3 weeks when he moves into his own place. He tells me that he just wants us back and that he is thinking clearly for the first time in years. In your opinion, could this work? How should we go about it? Is there a chance? We have both been with other people... ARE with other people. I am afraid of history repeating itself, but don't want to throw away the possibility of a healthy relationship and almost 20 years of marriage with the person that I considered my soul mate. Right now, we are just trying to communicate in a healthy way and make sure that he mends his relationship with the kids. I feel like I should talk to my bf and tell him that I am opening my heart to this possibility, but am not sure if it is even going to happen. Any advice is appreciated!!!!
IncredibleGrace Posted August 28, 2012 Posted August 28, 2012 Wow...what a ride you've been on! I think it could be worth another shot but I also think you have to be realistic and understand that bipolar never goes away and though he's been medicated for a few months, there's a good chance he could relapse again. I have a friend with severe bipolar and she goes months where she's great...and then she falls off the wagon again....stops meda and falls into full blown mania. It's wrecked every relationship she's ever been in and thankfully, there's no kids involved. My advice would be to ask yourself, could you live through more highs and lows, if you had to? If you can accept that as a possibility and can be ok with it, then it could be worth another shot. I'd definitely not jump straight back into it though...tell him you need to see him be stable for a full year before you'll consider a reconciliation...anything less than that, won't give you a true indication of his mental health. Good luck!
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