here goes (long)

[irish31]

I've been reading stories on here for a while and finally decided to post mine because id like to get some insight. I was with my ex for almost 4 years. We had a very strong relationship and loved each other a great deal. We did anything and everything for each other, had very compatible personalities and interests and honestly were very happy. After 2 and a half years together we moved in and got a dog. Things didn't really get boring at first as we still made it a point to keep ourselves busy and didn't really sit around much though we still enjoyed our occasional nights in. A little over a year after moving in together we had this silly fight which i cant even remember how it started. It somehow got to the point where we stopped talking for about a week. Due to not speaking to each other we both spent that weekend going out with separate friends to different bars. After this week we made up and everything was ok again. About a month later we got in another of these stupid fights. They were very odd as we rarely fought and always had good communication when we did and were able to work through. Anyways, this fight was similar in that we didn't speak and both went out with friends separately but this one lasted about 3 weeks. During these 3 weeks i would go out with my friends to a bar and have a few drinks or whatever but she took it to the extreme. She would come home blacked out barely able to walk 3 or 4 night a week which is very unlike her. We made up again after this fight but shortly after came the breakup. It seems to be a pretty serious case of gigs. I love you but not in love, want to "do me for a while", i hope we end up together in the end but cant be with you now. Still told me she loved me constantly. Anyways she moved out and that was almost 3 months ago. I was absolutely crushed and still am. I'm doing a lot of good for myself and keeping busy but i really do miss her a great deal. I've done no contact and she occasionally tries to reach me. Ill generally answer when she reached out but i never initiate. I guess in the end what i really want is to get her back. I've given it a lot of thought as i've had 3 months to do so and she really is a great girl despite the way that shes acting currently..drinking excessively, etc. I've known her for 4 years and i know that somewhere in there is the sweetest, kindest girl i've ever known who'd go to the end of the earth to make me happy and vice versa. A little more information, shes 23 and im 24. Its been 3 months since bu with lc all initiated by her. We are still on friendly terms when we speak and both happy to be. She hasnt been in a relationship since but is definitely doing the gigs thing with the constant partying. i know the age sucks and this tends to happen and i know i cant change her mind but has anyone been through something similar where they got burned out or whatever and came back. Id really like to make this work again as ive dated tons of girls and this is by far the best relationship ive ever had

[Mikefromsanan]

i was in a relationship like that at that age and lived with the person, first of all it's a whole nother level when you live with someone, looking back no matter how much in love or how long you have been together i don't think either party is able to live with there better half at that age unless it's one of the few cases where it works out and thats probably the woman you marry. If at nothing in particular caused this shes either tired off it or essentially bored and her feelings for you werent strong enough ( cause then there really wouldn't be any issues ) ... like it or not it probably isn't meant to be. But i will say this if you want her back or will attempt to change her mind don't do it unless you 100 % want to marry her, i don't mean that in a way that you should go right ahead and propose now, i just mean if shes not 'the one' don't bother. i have and i always regretted it. I got back with women cause i thought i wanted too or just didn't want to be alone, even at times cause i didn't want them to be with someone else and i didn't care to be with them. Don't be afraid of being alone it's not bad i used to fear it and think to yourself do you want to do this all over again, destroy and rebuild just to probably get hurt again ... if this is someone you'd want to spend your LIFE with ... do something about it... if it's just cause she's the best of what you met in your years of dating that doesn't mean everything, if she's so amazing your never going want to date anyone else ever again then it's worth the risk

[irish31]

Shes definitely the girl that i want to marry, we discussed it quite often andvi even got a ring. She doesnt know this. She always said that she wanted to marry even close to the end. I honestly am not bothered by being alone and single is definitly my second choice to her but i really do have those forever feeoings for her. Id marry herbtomorrow if i had the chance and i have given the idea of marrige a lot of thought. I have no fear of committing the rest of my life to her because i really do love her that much

[Mikefromsanan]

if thats the case then you have to pick something to do ... either do everything possible to get her back, id think to be a ways away from living together for a little, get that happiness back and do whatever it takes to get there. take it slow fast, married or dating, committed or not etc whatever it takes cause there may or may not ever be someone else you feel this way about .. give it the go and take it back or get hurt trying but even the worst case scenario there is better than not trying and thinking about the one who got away forever

[Exit]

She may not be in a relationship but are you taking into account that during this three months of her apparent heavy binge drinking, that her clothes are probably not staying on? I'm not trying to be a jerk I'm asking if this already apparent to you and you still would marry this girl tomorrow if she came back, or are you convinced that she probably hasn't been with other guys and just goes out with friends to have fun?

[irish31]

Well im not the naive type so yes, though i dont know for sure i would guess that shes probablly hooking up with other guys. In the same respect i also understand that the fairy tale of marrying a virgin doesnt really exist in our world these days. Plus im not sure id want to marry someone with no other dating expirience. How can you know if you want to spendvyour life with someone if theyre all you know. I think that anyone that ill end up with for the long haul will have more than likely gone through this phase at some point in their lives and yes, it sucks when it happens during a relationship but i guess its likely when you start dating eachother at a young age