My ex came back

[1plus1]

I have only posted a few times on this site a long time ago. I love reading everyone's stories and thought I'd give an update.

 

My ex and I have known each other a long time.

We broke up twice. Once for 7months and again for about 8 months. He broke up with me both times.

 

During this time, I went nuts on more than one occassion. Did somethings right and a lot of things wrong (as far as the official rules for getting someone back go).

 

We got back together and are married now. No kids. He is my best friend and I hope I am his.

 

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in this post is that the LS advice is great and I tried to follow it; but 80% of the time, my grief over the end of our relationship was just too overwhelming; if you feel you truly love someone, you might do things in a breakup that you would not normally do. That would be ebarrassing to look back on. I wish I had been stronger sometimes or more dignified, but I did the best I could with what was going on.

 

You cannot control the other person, if they want to get back with you they probably will try at some point. And if you want them back, you most likely will take them back.

 

I did hundreds of LS no-no's and my ex came back. Because he wanted to get back with me. And I took him back, because, among other reasons, I still wanted to be in his life.

 

My post is not to disregard the LS advice for NC or other methods to move on or get the ex back; it's just to say, don't beat yourself up too badly if you make a mistep or do something stupid. It happens.

 

If you did something embarrassing, (drunk dialed, called several times, facebook stalked, made a fool of yourself, whatever) then just try to be stronger next time and move on.

 

Anyway, thanks to everyone who posts, it really helped me thru the tough times.

Edited August 6, 2012 by 1plus1

[Twins]

Thanks for posting your story. It is encouraging.

[hudson701]

During the 7 month break, was it complete NC? And did he utter the words 'I never want to hear from you again' or 'I miss you but am happy and content alone' and then still come back after this? My ex was pretty resolute in her decision, it be highly unlikely if she changed her mind and made a full u-turn by coming back to me. I'd be very happy though!.

[Lone Blue]

Stories like yours give me hope, but I have to say I think my situation is hopeless. You can see my situation under the Second Chances forum, and eh, the gist of it is that he is not in love with me anymore and doesn't want to date anyone during the first semester of law school. I'm also his first girlfriend, and gah, had I not called him last Saturday, he admits he wouldn't have called me. Still, that aside, I'm glad things worked out for you and your SO. As for me, I hope I move on; I just finished him blocking him on Facebook. *Sighs*

[SoConfusedAndInShock]

Such an inspirational story. Very happy for you hun!!

This is the second happy ending story i've read today. Its good that there are people out there who are getting their second chance with a good outcome in the long run. Best wishes for both of you!

[1plus1]

No. It was definitely not NC the whole time. As I said, there were times I wish I could have been stronger. I set goals for myself..... two days, one week, a month; I would do so good until I broke my "record". Then it would just be so depressing to think "now what".

 

He told me he 'never wanted to be with me' more than once. Its hard to say that now because there is immediate judgement associated with taking someone back who tells you this. I told him the same, more than once.

 

I can say that towards then end, right before we got back together; I truly decided to move on, for me it wasn't that I was over him, it's that I was over being depressed and not living life.

 

He either would or would not have come back. Either way I went thru that time in my life in almost constant sadness, it almost makes me mad now. I love him so much, but I can never get those days back.

 

In the end, I was happy without him..... and even happier with him. Not sad without him and happy with him.

 

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate them.

Edited August 7, 2012 by 1plus1

[not-a-drive-by]

Congratulations on your marriage and thank you for coming back to share with us.

 

Do you mind sharing what caused your break ups during both times? Did you ask him to come back and what was his reply during those times?

 

I'd love a happy ending like yours as well .

[notsure252]

Congratulations on your marriage and thank you for coming back to share with us.

 

Do you mind sharing what caused your break ups during both times? Did you ask him to come back and what was his reply during those times?

 

I'd love a happy ending like yours as well .

 

 

I'm curious about this too.

[delboy21]

When we are dumped we focus on the what if's, the why's, the betrayel, lost future, regrets. I think the person who leaves the relationship concentrates on the negative (usually last few weeks/months of the relationship) and may make attempts to move on new relationships, going out more,cutting ties, insisting their happy with their decision and that their deision is final.

 

as somebody whose husband has left im still angry but have only started to deal with my contribution to our relationship breakdown and i feel guilty and remorceful, but more hopeful that i have at least learned something about myself and can grow from this. i miss him and its like grieving for someone but their still alive still attainable but the chances of this are slim and that hope feels like its rushing away from you especially if you make contact and show your vulnerable to your ex which has been my behaviour.

 

I strongly beleive this recognition of responsibility and memories of the good times happens to those who leave aswell it just takes longer in most cases. Then it maybe to late for reconciliation its like kharma unless you are a sociopath you can hide from your feelings but only for so long. what goes around comes around not in the sence of punishment but emotions of regrec, guilt, longing will happen to the person who left and if you still want them and they are brave enough to try (cowardliness stops people asking for another chance) then you never know.

[delboy21]

The NC rule is interesting i agree it doesnt help to try to talk when angry, emotional and irrational but its an outlet for the person dumped who usually didnt get a chance pre/post breakup to express their anger their unhappiness even though its perceived as ranting due to hurt.

 

Ive done it ranted, accused, cried, texted you name it ive done it and its strengthened his resolve to stay away. Do i regret the contact the hurtful things the pleading yes - the expression of my anger at his apathy No.

 

Contact especially in this day and age with smart phones, the internet is so difficult as an ex smoker more addictive then smoking. this is when your friends and family become useful - use them to distract you, take away your means of communication with your ex (let them keep your phone, laptop etc) take them up on offers to go out spend time away from your environment. You will still feel sad but the temptation to contact will be less.

[Fallenandbroken]

^^get lost with the love spell rubbish. Trying to pray on people's despair by advertising "love spells" get real.