My confessions to her, myself, and to my fellow LS compatriots.

[2muchlove]

thanks. I'm clear of my ex wife with bpd. its the ex gf of 16 years that has me in an emotional tailspin right now. great person, a pleasure to be around. but as a girlfriend she was absolute garbage and I wasted the last 8 years of my not so young life being deceived and manipulated while all kinds of cheating was going on behind my back. I've been way out of balance for a very long time. But I'll come back from this, it'll be awhile, but I'll get back. Trying to help others till I can better help myself, helps me to post here and gets me out of my head.

 

I appreciate your honesty, I've been working real real hard on being honest with myself as well - some days better than others, but I'm keeping up NC and working to better myself because *I* want to. For me.

 

That's roughy man. But you have the right outlook, just don't let it go.

 

And be happy that toxic sandpit is out of your life.

[Samilia]

Exactly. That's pretty much where we were.

 

I see you live in RI. You probably know her if you're in the same age range.

 

Doubt it, I'm 38. But Rhode Island is small, they shouldn't call it the ocean state, they should call it the tiny state, or the Just driving through state.

[weallfalldown]

i don't see many other's confessing?????????????

[2muchlove]

i don't see many other's confessing?????????????

 

They aren't there quite yet I suppose.

[Samilia]

i don't see many other's confessing?????????????

 

I didn't cheat on him, simple.

[weallfalldown]

I didn't cheat on him, simple.

 

fair enough...but what else ??????

[2muchlove]

There's always something.

[Samilia]

fair enough...but what else ??????

 

What do you mean what else?

[Ruby65]

Borderline Personality Disorder is usually diagnosed by a third party as BP's rarely go to therapy.... and when they do, they're able to fool their therapist.

 

Don't listen to anyone who tells you the diagnosis isn't valid because your therapist made it without meeting your ex! They're usually diagnosed this way.

 

If she actually had this, you're lucky to be out of it.

[Samilia]

There's always something.

 

No, can't say I did anything of that nature, neither did he of my knowledge. The one thing we did wrong was to move in together too fast.

[weallfalldown]

What do you mean what else?

 

i mean what else did you contribute to the b/u.......please don't tell me your perfect?

[Samilia]

i mean what else did you contribute to the b/u.......please don't tell me your perfect?

 

I am perfect. When I walk flowers follow my trail and bunnies run with me. I think my feet should be bathed in goat milk everyday and you should be grateful of having another day with me walking the earth in your world.

 

We moved in together way too fast, that was the deal breaker. After my sister died, he came back in my life. But that's another story, we'll see.

[dreamingoftigers]

Borderline Personality Disorder is usually diagnosed by a third party as BP's rarely go to therapy.... and when they do, they're able to fool their therapist.

 

Don't listen to anyone who tells you the diagnosis isn't valid because your therapist made it without meeting your ex! They're usually diagnosed this way.

 

If she actually had this, you're lucky to be out of it.

 

That is total BS.

 

I, and the other BPD folks who were kind enough to open up in the supports we had, we diagnosed mostly by repeat visits and diagnostic tests as well as a review of our mental health record.

 

As a standard the mental health field does not diagnose by 3rd party testimony.

 

That's ridiculous!

 

It's very nice that the OP's counselor was able to give him a book to help understand what the deal was with his ex and perhaps sort some of HIS OWN boundaries, but that's about it.

[weallfalldown]

I am perfect. When I walk flowers follow my trail and bunnies run with me. I think my feet should be bathed in goat milk everyday and you should be grateful of having another day with me walking the earth in your world.

 

We moved in together way too fast, that was the deal breaker. After my sister died, he came back in my life. But that's another story, we'll see.

 

yea did the same with the old move in too fast....after 6 months

[Samilia]

yea did the same with the old move in too fast....after 6 months

 

There are days where I'd be ok with living with someone, and there are days where I am perfectly fine selfishly enjoying life alone. Can I be domesticated, I dont know.

[weallfalldown]

I think Very bad PMT causes a lot of upset in a realtionship, but women think it's totzly acceptable.........

[Samilia]

I think Very bad PMT causes a lot of upset in a realtionship, but women think it's totzly acceptable.........

 

Yeah, it's like ADD... most people don't have it, but still a lot of people claim to, what a good excuse to sit on their ass.

[2muchlove]

All too true.

 

We moved in after 5 months also.

 

But yea I'm starting to consider myself pretty lucky to be out. I've got a lot of work to do on myself though.

[dreamingoftigers]

I've seen the same thing in every relationip around me that has failed.

 

Glued to each other every spare moment from week one or two, almost I separable, friends think you must be in a coma, outside interests fall away bit by bit, move in waaaaay too fast.

 

It happened in my marriage too, but after a lot of turbulence and two separations, we have somewhat countered it and have moved on to having more separate but INTIMATE lives.

 

Often the quick rush to get together is a substitute for actual intimacy, it forces each to somewhat play an idealized role in front of one another. Then when you both get comfortable all the true colours start coming out. By then you've both invested so much it's hard to break it off.

[Ruby65]

That is total BS.

 

I, and the other BPD folks who were kind enough to open up in the supports we had, we diagnosed mostly by repeat visits and diagnostic tests as well as a review of our mental health record.

 

As a standard the mental health field does not diagnose by 3rd party testimony.

 

That's ridiculous!

 

It's very nice that the OP's counselor was able to give him a book to help understand what the deal was with his ex and perhaps sort some of HIS OWN boundaries, but that's about it.

 

Not sure where you get your information from. Having BPD certainly doesn't make you an expert on how it's diagnosed! Usually it's the spouses or family members of the BP who present for therapy.

[weallfalldown]

anyone else gona confess their sins????

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes they OFTEN present the BPD member for evaluatIon or they end up hospitalized by their own attempts etc.

 

But NO they are not DIAGNOSED and EVALUATED by third party information.

 

Having been through the system myself and not just "having" BPD as well as having had other members of my family go through the process of being diagnosed with various issues.........

 

Not to mention countless hours researching options for my own and my husband's mental health, as well as HOW evaluations are performed, and not just picking up a couple of layman worded self-help books from amazon.com but rather at the U of C library where I worked for 4 years and reviewing ACTUAL medical and psychological journals.....

 

Plus finding a treatment that all but eradicated my own symptoms of BPD, including the suicidal urges (8 years free, thank you).

 

Hmm, yes I DO have something to offer in regards to how those diagnoses are achieved.

 

It they were done as you are suggesting, 95% of the population would have been proclaimed to be BPD/NPD by their exes at some point.

[2muchlove]

I've seen the same thing in every relationip around me that has failed.

 

Glued to each other every spare moment from week one or two, almost I separable, friends think you must be in a coma, outside interests fall away bit by bit, move in waaaaay too fast.

 

It happened in my marriage too, but after a lot of turbulence and two separations, we have somewhat countered it and have moved on to having more separate but INTIMATE lives.

 

Often the quick rush to get together is a substitute for actual intimacy, it forces each to somewhat play an idealized role in front of one another. Then when you both get comfortable all the true colours start coming out. By then you've both invested so much it's hard to break it off.

 

Nailed that one on the head. 10/10

[Ruby65]

Yes they OFTEN present the BPD member for evaluatIon or they end up hospitalized by their own attempts etc.

 

But NO they are not DIAGNOSED and EVALUATED by third party information.

 

Having been through the system myself and not just "having" BPD as well as having had other members of my family go through the process of being diagnosed with various issues.........

 

Not to mention countless hours researching options for my own and my husband's mental health, as well as HOW evaluations are performed, and not just picking up a couple of layman worded self-help books from amazon.com but rather at the U of C library where I worked for 4 years and reviewing ACTUAL medical and psychological journals.....

 

Plus finding a treatment that all but eradicated my own symptoms of BPD, including the suicidal urges (8 years free, thank you).

 

Hmm, yes I DO have something to offer in regards to how those diagnoses are achieved.

 

It they were done as you are suggesting, 95% of the population would have been proclaimed to be BPD/NPD by their exes at some point.

 

No offense, but I don't communicate with BPs anymore... certainly not on this topic. I've done my time.

[2muchlove]

To help cope with my infidelity I've turned to RnB artist Tank. He knows what's up.