fificremefarben Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Is it unfair to text a guy if you're not sure how you really feel about him? I'm about a year out of a really bad and hurtful long-term breakup and finally feeling comfortable getting out and talking to and meeting guys again. Not totally sure how I'm feeling about a commitment again at the moment. Anyway, I met a really nice guy out at the weekend. We spent all evening talking and had a kiss at the end of the night. He asked if I wanted his number and I said yes. As we were leaving, I called out over my shoulder that I'd give him a missed call so that he had mine so he does now technically have my number, though I'm not sure he heard me calling that out to him. Thing is, I keep trying to talk myself out of contacting him for some reason. I'm just about to start a new job and I'm gonna be really busy, so it's probably not a good time for a relationship. Also, he's 35, which puts a ten-year age gap between us (I'm 25). Too much? I don't know why I'm trying to talk myself out of it. I really want to text him, though I'm not sure how I feel about him, but is it unfair to do so? I'm sorry, these sound like playground problems. I've been out of the game for so long, though, that I still need help with this stuff...
Chunky Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I know a couple that's 10 years apart and they get along great. Just take it slow. If he's a nice guy he'll understand. Give him a call!
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 He asked you If you wanted his number? : / First fail in my book... Anyway, I doubt you're emotionally ready to go into something like this with an older guy. Older guys can spin around stupid If they wanted to, they've got plenty of experience by age 35...at 25 and just heartbroken and out of a long-term relationship you're an appetizer for a guy of that age and ability to charm your panties away. Not sure If you're ready for that unless you want to just chalk it up as "well...just going to give it a chance, see where it goes" before you know it you're all wrapped up in your emotions for this guy because you're over-the-top vulnerability is shining through and you're going to be "afraid to take it fast" which is more than likely will magically happen and then the ball is completely in the guys court. So is it ok to date after a 1 year break-up that still affects you? I think it's ok to get your feet wet but I'd be careful not to get caught up in the bad/emotionally unavailable boy. Because that's what is very likely the next step, it just seems to be what women are attracted to after heart-break. Of course he can be a really "nice" guy but being that he's got 10 years on you and this is your first dating experience out the gate it's just an easy recipe for possible disaster. I think you should try someone at least close to your age and that doesn't want to just rush in...just to get brought up to speed. I'm sure everyone has that "well they're 50 years apart and they get along great despite the age difference" I hear that all the time...yet what I see all the time is older guys fishing out the guppies because they're easy to use...to be quite blunt with you. So I'm just saying to be careful, regardless you sound like you're still in an emotional state and that can definitely dictate the way you'll think and feel in the next big thing...you'll exaggerate because you're getting this "nice" treatment and "validation"...not to say you haven't dated at all yet which I don't know...but even If I'm wrong your instincts seem to be guiding you in the right direction...we'll see if your emotions or intuition/better judgment win out.
yongyong Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Busy? what profession do you have? do you work 9 to 9 7 days a week? you don't have time to see him couple times a week? I am sure Obama is busier than you but he still has time to do something with a family. that can't be your excuse.
Author fificremefarben Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 I've just qualified as a high school teacher. I know that doesn't sound like a heavy job but you really have to shine in your first year in the job so I want to put a lot of focus onto it and, I know from placements in training, that on some days I ended up working from 7 a.m. until the end of the school day, then continuing class preparation until 10pm at home most evenings. My head's telling me it's not likely that anything would ever happen with this guy, even though I did like him. Should I text him anyway, though? Even just to be polite. That may make it look like I'm implying he'll be crushed if I don't call but that's not what I'm saying at all. I just mean that, cos I got hurt badly last year, I'm really wary of hurting others in any way. Also, he mentioned that he was divorced after an 11-year relationship which ended in a similarly bad way to my own (cheating/left for another). Wouldn't that make him kind of fragile and new back into the dating game too (ie. extra susceptible to getting hurt)?
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