cherrybombx Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 So... My boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me a week ago. He has a 10 year old and a 13 year old who have been going back and forth to their mom's house in another state for the summer every 2 weeks. His 13 year old asked him over texts how he would feel if he decided to live with his mom instead of coming back home, just to see how he liked it. My ex told him to do what he needed to do, and that he wasn't going to stop him from living his life. I asked my ex if he thought we were spending too much time together, and if that was the reason his son wanted to stay with his mom. He said he didn't feel we were spending too much time together, but felt that we didn't ease his kids into our relationship. He said that once I came around, I stayed around and he loved that, but now realized that his kids might feel neglected. We still spent lots of time with his kids together, as he did without me. Last Monday, My boyfriend's mom told me that normally, his kids were by his side from the time he got home from work until the time they went to bed, and felt like their dad was ignoring them because of me. That really hurt me. My boyfriend told me that he could really see me trying to form a relationship with his kids and that I was a perfect friend to them. Later that night, he broke up with me, after telling me he loved me and missed me all day, couldn't wait to see me again, etc. He said that he blamed our relationship for his kids deciding to stay with their mom, and that he could never be happy with me with that in the back of his mind. He was very angry with himself and with me, apparently. At this point, I hadn't seen him since the previous Wednesday as my boyfriend had tonsilitis and I had my 6 day visitation with my 2 year old. We normally saw each other at night as he would come visit after my son went to bed. So he had been laying in bed for 5 days, thinking and analyzing everything. After he broke up with me, I sent him a message on facebook telling him I hoped he was happy and that if he would have just said something to me, I would've understood. I then deactivated my Facebook account, as I have no desire to cause myself anymore pain. Needless to say, I'm heartbroken. I have finally had the strength to get out of bed this weekend, and wrote a long letter to my ex explaining exactly how I felt about him, about the breakup, and about our relationship, which I put in his mailbox yesterday. I'm not really worried about the outcome of the letter. If he wants to talk to me, he will. If he doesn't, he wont. But I needed him to know how I felt. It's been a week since we've talked and I'm honestly very confused. It hurts because we had a really deep connection and did spend a pretty good amount of time together. He always told me he wanted me around as much as I was and never indicated that we were spending too much time together or that his kids felt neglected. I feel like I'm waiting for him to come back, as he told me he did with his ex's, always realizing that he was wrong and begging for them to take him back. I feel very guilty like I did something wrong, but can't figure out what I did. I never forced him to spend time with me, nor him me. What did I do? And what the hell is going on in his head?
weallfalldown Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 hi, sorry to hear this....it;s always difficult when others kids are involved...been there etc......but he has no right to blame you.....one of my ex's always blamed me for her being torn between me and her kids....that's just not fair!.....you wanted kids in the first place, you friggin deal with it!.... if you want someone else in your life, yes they have to accept it all, and vice versa...difficult one, but he's being a bit harsh.....
Author cherrybombx Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 Nothing really new to add.. Still no contact from him. And I keep wondering why he hasn't returned any of my things, when I returned his. I think he's honestly punishing himself. Maybe he feels he should be alone because he thinks he left his kids that way. That he shouldn't be happy because they weren't. But I think he should've tried to get his kids back and do whatever he could to fix it. My best male friend told me that there's nothing wrong with me and I need to make peace with all of this. Easier said than done. Regardless, I got drunk as hell last night and almost emailed him and texted him, but was thinking that what I got in return might kill me and push me even further into this pit, so I decided against it. Blah. Just posting here.
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