diana92 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) This is a hard situation because it's not like he ignores me completely when we see each other in real life, but let me just explain... this has been going on for a while, and I know now that he's just enjoying the attention that I'm giving him. He knows that I like him, and he's giving me just enough to go by, almost like he's dangling the carrot in front of my face... (flirty texts every so often etc) so that I'll keep giving him the attention that he needs. And I can't even begin to describe how much this has been affecting me emotionally and it's time for this to stop. We teach others how we want them to treat us. And I believe that I've taught him that it's ok for him to ignore me in public and then be comepletely opposite in texting etc. I want to call him out on it, to confront him about it, and I was thinking to send him a message, but I'm not entirely sure what to say. A friend told me that she's confronted so many guys in this same way and they've all come out and told her that they liked her, but I seriuosly doubt this guy likes me. He's just playing with me, using me for his own selfish purposes, and I'm going to take a stand and let him know that if that's what he wants to do he can find another girl to play those games with. I really hope this doesn't get awkward and that we can at least be friends, but I'm not sure what to say. A lot of my friends have told me to just ignore him, but I'm not that mean of a person. Lately I've been cutting conversations short though, when before I would always try to keep the conversation going, so I have been giving him a little bit of the cold shoulder. But once I thought about sending him that message I felt so englightened, like this burden was lifted off of me. I can't even begin to describe how much emotional turmoil this has put me through the past 4 months and I think calling him out about it would help, but I'm scared. I don't know what to say or how to say it. I was planning to write something along the lines of ... I could be totally WAY off base here and want to air this on the side of caution, but I just thought it would be better to be honest about this and get it out in the open. I get this vibe from our past texts and fb conversations which is way different from our other interactions. Just wondering what’s up with that because I’m confused. I don’t want to be misinterpreting anything which is why I could be way off base, but I was just wondering what’s going on. Somehow that doesn't seem strong enough to me, although I don't want to come off as mean or too strong either, I do really like the guy lol Just not sure what to do about this, but I know I have to do something because I cannot keep living life with all this emotional turmoil. I just wish I knew where his head is in all of this, which I could potentially find out if he replies to the message that I haven't decided if I'm going to send or not lol Any and all comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated Edited August 6, 2012 by diana92
nonexistent Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 It's definitely good that you want to set things straight. Being mislead or misinterpreting the hints can lead to disaster. On that note, texts/fb messages are hard because it's the way you read them. For example, I might send an angry text, and the other person might think I'm joking. Or I can send a none flirty message but the girl on the other side might think I'm trying to hit on her. Getting that personal, one on one, in person chat will definitely clear things. One more possibility: he might be more comfortable talking over texts/chat as compared to in person. I am like this. I can be as honest/daring/etc as can be in texts but I'll choke when I see the person. So check to see if this is the case. All in all, I know it might cut short the fun, but if you really want to get to the point, just say so and make him get there as well. Good luck!
Author diana92 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Thank you for the reply! I had been worried that I may have been over-analyzing the texts, making them out to be more than they actually are, but after showing a few friends they agreed with me that they were flirty. Out of all the people I've talked to about this, only 1 person has suggested that I message him. All the others have said to just ignore him for now. The past few days I have been giving him a little bit of the cold shoulder. Before I would have done anything to keep a conversation going, whether it be through text or actully talking, but these past few days I've cut the conversation short, which was hard. But I think I'm going to continue to do that for the next week... that is, if I'm strong enough to do that. Hopefully by then he'll know that something is up and then I can maybe send him the message? Now the only part is waiting for him to actually initiate something so that I have the opportunity to ignore him lol
FitChick Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 You want to ERR on the side of caution. Err | Define Err at Dictionary.com
Author diana92 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Ahh, good thing I haven't sent it yet! Thanks so much for catching that!!
Yookie Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Don't send him any messages asking for explanation. He will just show it to his buddies and then they will make up more stuff for him to say to keep you drooling on the other end of the phone. He's playing you. Stop responding. If you've been trying to keep the flirty conversations going even though this guy is ignoring you in person, then you probably come off as desperate and needy. Anyhow even if I'm way off base here, it will still benefit you to stop responding to his texts. He will either come up to you and TALK or he will just continue to ignore you in person if he really has no interest.
Author diana92 Posted August 7, 2012 Author Posted August 7, 2012 See, this is what makes this situation hard. It's not that he's ignoring me. It's hard to explain. Maybe this wasn't the best idea posting this on here because I can't really describe this situation adequately if you're not there to see exactly what's going on. I'm at the point now where I have to decide if I'm going to respond to his mixed signals by giving him mixed responses and ignoring him etc. or if I want to confront him about it and risk losing him as even a friend or taking that risk to find out if he does like me. For now I think I'm just going to wait and see what happens. Take it day by day and see where things go.
phineas Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 You work with him, he's flirty with you over text but when he's around you he acts like your just another co-worker? I've gotten this from women at work who flirt HARD, make plans then flake & act like nothing happened. Their obviously leading me on which is beyond lame considering i'm 40 & those women are the same age. But this guy? He could be leading you on so he can have laugh with his friends, he could have zero game in person or he could be playing the long con to drive you crazy with desire & give him a booty call. Honestly, i've never flirted with someone over text that I didn't plan on asking out so I have no clue.
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