Breakup after 6 years. I am devistated and I want her back. Please Help

[Jai]

Hello everyone,

 

I am a newbie to this post as well as a fairly new single man aswell. I hope that some of you can help me out as I have a dilema that I need to figure out.

 

First I will give you the lowdown on the relationship. For the past 6 years my girlfriend (I am 25 and she is 21)and I have been together and have made eachother extremely happy. We would get into arguements sometimes but all in all we treated eachother with the upmost respect and love that you could possibly imagine. We were even talking about getting married when she finished school and going forward with our lives together. All in all it was an amazing relationship that made me feel whole. We really love eachother and it hasn't changed since the breakup.

 

She broke up with me two weeks ago and it has been the worst two weeks of my life. When she broke up with me she said that she wasn't happy with the relationship anymore, THINKS we are over for good and gave me a list of things that didn't make her happy. Here is the list of things she said:

 

1) We come from different places and were raised differently.

2) We want different things out of life. (This one is kind of BS but the fact of the matter is that we all want nice things in life. The difference between myself and her is that I can be happy without all of the finer things in life as I was raised with having nothing and she had everything.)

3) The fact that I worked my way up the job ladder and I went from managing an adult video store (she hated that but I had to make money somehow) to being an IT Analyst at the biggest company in Canada today.

4) She feels that I will not be able to support her financially. ( Between both jobs I am making roughly 55,000/year) I did have a problem with saving money up until recently but tried so hard to change my ways so that I could make my girlfriend happy. Now that I have money saved she is gone.

 

Since the breakup I have not been practicing the no contact rule as I am finding it sooo hard to not be close to her in anyway. I think it all backfired on me when I asked her what she was up to one night and she said that she is going to the movies with her Sister. I thought I would go see her because I missed her so much and when I got there I found out that she was really on a date with a guy from work. I tried to keep my cool but I couldn't and ended up scaring him away. My ex was pissed at me but never told me it was a date and kept the notion that they were just friends. Since the whole breakup I have called her a handfull of times and told her how I feel about her and how I miss her, love her and want her back. I tell her that I would know if we were finished for good I would have that feeling like it was over but I am not getting that feeling. (Just to let you know that we are very connected and I know when she is lying, hurting, in trouble. You don't have to beleive me but it is a weird feeling you get when things aren't right and when you can feel that with another person then you could quite possibly consider yourself soulmates so to speak as she gets the same feeling about me.)

 

Lastnight I called her and I have been just messed up emotionally since everything happened. When I talked to her lastnight I told her how much she hurt me and how I couldn't be friends with her because I can not bare to see her with anyone else. She apologized to me but because I was so upset I couldn't accept and went on to say a lot of things that I really didn't mean. Nothing too bad but enough to make her know how crappy I felt.

 

I want her back really bad and would go to the end of the world and back to be with her. I would do anything. What I think she is doing is telling me to move on so that she can explore her options, yet I still don't feel that we are over. What should I do if I want her back in my life? I know she still loves me a lot but what is stopping her from wanting to be with me? Are there any hints that will tell me if she still wants me back? Please help me.

 

Sorry about the long post it is just that I really don't have anyone to talk to about this that will understand what I am going through so I haven't talked to anyone about it.

 

Thanks for all the help,

 

Jai

[Leikela]

If you really want her back, then leave her alone. Give her the space she needs and has asked for. You WILL push her away if you keep showing up uninvited and calling her constantly.

 

You guys got together young and are still young. She needs to know what it feels like to be with other people. She needs to be free and be single and have fun. Being in a relationship at such a young age prohibits those kinds of experiences which helps a person grow up.

 

I know first hand because I was in a relationship from when I was 16 until I was 24 and I left for those same reasons. I needed to know what it was like to casually date and go out and party with my friends without having to think about anyone else. I needed to find ME and I couldn't do that while in a relationship.

 

Also, people grow apart and want different things. I wasn't the same person at 24 as I was at 16. My ex and I were good for eachother while teenagers but turned out to be different adults wanting different things. We always loved one another but some differences just cannot be worked out. We grew apart as we grew up and that happens more times than not.

 

I am happy now with the man I am going to marry and we met when we were already established and on the same path as one another. We have common interests and goals and we just click, so it works for us and we are very happy. I know you're in a lot of pain right now but this is all a part of life. Most of us have been through the pain of losing someone we love but in the end I am sure we'll all tell you it was for the best. If it's not meant to be, it's not going to happen. Just give her time and space. Give her a chance to find herself. My heart goes out to you as I know how painful this is.

[RoboHobo]

Hey Jai,

 

I'm sorry to say this but Leikela is right. If you draw nearer you will push her away. Give the space as hard as it might be. I'm in the similar position to you right now. My girlfriend of 14 month broke up with me to find herself. I know the relationship isn't as long but I love her with all my heart.

 

You were told that there is no hope for a reconciliation. Maybe there is and maybe there isn't. Neither of you will be able to know that right now, it has only been two weeks. What is definite is that she needs to rediscover her love for you (sorry for being harsh: but if she does still love you) before you guys can even think of getting back together. Wanting to be with the person that we love is only natural, I know everyone will agree on that. Missing her is also only natural.

 

A huge problem that I noticed is how much you depended on her. Your world needs to be bigger than her and vise versa. You guys have been going out since you were very young, and she was especially young. To live most of your teen years without knowing what it is like to be on your own, or if you can even cope on your own, is a lot to deal with. She really does need to discover herself. What she said to you was hurtful but most probably relative. Its difficult to do but don't rest all your hope on this partnership. Build yourself up and be strong. Be able to make yourself happy. It's unfair to rely on anyone else for it.

 

I know what you mean about feeling her pain, I feel it for my ex too. Be careful how you interpret it though, she is also going to be in a lot of pain because of the break up, but that doesn't mean that you will get back together. My advise to you is to keep yourself busy, if you are feeling weak and want to contact her phone a friend instead. Or write a letter to her telling her exactly how you feel but don't give it to her. You are writing the letter for yourself more than anyone else. If you have to show it to someone show it to a friend. I know how hard it is, believe me. It's going to be for a long time. Be strong and find yourself.

 

In a little while you can contact her and enjoy a friendship. The future is uncertain, but you can make sure that you at least have a friendship. You obviously have a beautiful connection with her and she will always be able to use a friend like that.

[Jai]

Thanks for the advise,

 

I don't see you guys as being harsh....I really appreciate the time you gave to get me to understand. As of last night I decided that we are not going to be in contact for now. As far as the friendship thing goes I am very uncertain. Alot of people can't go from talking about marriage to talking about friendship. In my mind I want her on another level. I do realize that I have to leave her alone.

 

Thanks for your help,

 

If anybody else has a comment I would love to hear it.

 

Jai