lillypolo Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Hello all, So- its my exes birthday. He and I have had a bumpy/ odd ride the past 2 years since the break up. We are in the unfortunate position of being on the same course on the same campus for a good 5-6 years. Reason for break up: he fell out of love and I didn't know how to handle it all, so things got hard... and just weird Meantime: He has not been with anyone else (we were one another's firsts)- I have had one relationship since (with someone else on our course, but it ended amicably) I also about 5 months after the break up had a stupid one night stand which turned nasty as there were all sorts of rumours flying around (small campus)- this was before the new bf!! I broke up with the new guy (he cheated on me) Issues: I try to talk to him, but he seems nervous and tries to escape asap. If I back off, he watches me an awful lot... he always seems to be aware of where I am. BUT last year he invited me and a few select friends to his home for a birthday party- ignored me... but then when he got my present (which was personal and well thought out) he was smiley and tried making a few comments to me - sat close to me, not talking so much but listening to my conversation with a friend) After that I sent him a letter saying how lovely the party was, and that I hoped we could be friends, apologised for my faults, and told him he was special to me, the ball was in his court... Next time i saw him, he approached me for the first time in a long while and chatted to me, albeit drunkenly. Then we went off to mingle with other people and never approached one another again- as I didnt want to push him- I was happy with the progress. 8 months on.... nothing more- if anything he has been more avoidant and distant- but still seems to watch... I want to test the waters, try and be friendly- its his birthday- should i try and say hello? What do people make of this? thank yoooou x
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 What made him fall out of love? He seemed a bit open for a little while, but 8 months... It might be better to let it go.
Author lillypolo Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 What made him fall out of love? He seemed a bit open for a little while, but 8 months... It might be better to let it go. Im not sure.... i think it was the move to uni. We were so close then suddenly it was a new environment, new people- he used to like getting drunk with his new house mates, he was so engrossed in them and their activities he seemed to just forget about me. I felt I was bothering him, bcause he never contacted me anymore first, so I took a step back and didnt hang out with him during school, thought we could in the evenings... but thrn communication broke down badly, and he just didnt seem to talk to me anymore, just come over and have sex.... The more i tried, the worse it seemed to get until one day I made a harsh remark about me ignoring him and following his friends around whilst we were with his friends.... id been pushed that far by him ignoring me. he told me he didnt know what happened, felt I was ignoring HIM, (not ture, I just wanted him to have his own life) That I never made him laugh anymore (but how could I went he didnt talk to me?), that he didnt get excited about seeing me anymore... then he insulted the way I sometimes dressed.... Basically communication broke down, I reached out and he didnt really respond, just ran away- then refused to wokr on things and dumped me straight out. As for seeming open- yeah, he invited me to the party, yes, he approached me first that night, but he never follows up. He blanked me at the party, until he got my present and it touched him then he at least looked at me and spoke a couple of words..... Its odd, he seems to want contact but then chickens out and makes me feel a fool help!
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 I wish someone else could provide a second opinion here, but my advice would be to move on. It seems he just can't juggle with studying, having friends and caring for someone.
tallydoo Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 You could try sending the text message. How often do you see him now? Were you close before you dated? But make sure you're ready for any sort of response. In the meantime, I wouldn't wait around for him--I'd move on. So, by sending the text message, you can be friendly but not friends, and you have to be willing to move on. If he wants to come back, he will and he'll make it very clear.
Author lillypolo Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 I wish someone else could provide a second opinion here, but my advice would be to move on. It seems he just can't juggle with studying, having friends and caring for someone. yes, he told me that with everything he didnt have time for me.... but I also think a lot of it was due to us being so inexperienced and not knowing how to juggle things/ handle it. We are both very shy too, so that doesnt really help- he just seemed to forget all about me after he was taken in by the "cool" kids... I dont think he had many friends before uni- and I didnt fit into the crowd... i fitted with the way he used to be, the sort of friends he used to have- so I guess he felt he had to choose between me and them- they were new and exciting and fun... I wasnt... I didnt know what to do and backed off in the hope he'd have space to be with them and could see me when he wanted... but what we should ahve done is talked about it- its not that we were incompatible, it was just bad circumstances and that we didnt know how to handle it. He hasnt been with anyone since me... if he were to I think it would kill me all over again...
Author lillypolo Posted August 8, 2012 Author Posted August 8, 2012 You could try sending the text message. How often do you see him now? Were you close before you dated? But make sure you're ready for any sort of response. In the meantime, I wouldn't wait around for him--I'd move on. So, by sending the text message, you can be friendly but not friends, and you have to be willing to move on. If he wants to come back, he will and he'll make it very clear. We were very close before we dated, though Long distance we talked every day, met up as much as possible- ironically the trouble started when we went to the same uni and we had to fit one another into our new lives- I coped, but he ust couldnt seem to make time/ think about me enough when going places- failed to invite me to things and we drifted apart because he'd leave me to be with them, or ignore me when we were out with them.... it would always be the new friends above me, and i got scared, and backed off, when i tried to express how i felt hed close off and just say thank you for telling me, improve for a day then itd be back to square one again. When I try and make conversation, by text, fb, face to face, it gets cut short as he gives me one word answers and is just... awkward, eve though he lurks near by and looks at me so I think he wants to talk....
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