RollercoasterRide Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Hello all. I am new here, though I have spent the last few days browsing through posts in this section. I guess I am here to share my story, in the hope this will stop me from actually going insane. I will try to keep it short, but I can't promise anything! About six years ago, whilst still with my first boyfriend (who treated me like **** FYI), I met a wonderful man online. We became closer and closer and I was thinking of leaving my bf for him. However, everyone warned me about him, that he was a cheater. (bet you all already know where this is going). I ignored them obviously, and eventually left my bf for this man, who lived across the world from me (he lives in australia, I lived in England). For many years we were in a LDR. He came to visit me in England twice, and I went over there once. Eventually I decided to move over there, not just because of him but also because I loved the country. I had no job and he and his parents paid for me to get over there. So I moved over here and got married, and of course that is when the trouble started. First, I found out he had cybered (internet sex) with a girl online. And that this had happened (he said) two or three times during our relationship, before and after marriage. Being weak, naive and loyal, I forgive him (insert groans and eye rolling from readers here). Needless to say that was not the end of it. For the past year things have been so bad for us. I felt like he didn't love me anymore, there was no intimacy. Because of my emotional dependence (he's only the second person I have been with since I was 14) I put up with it. A week or so ago (has it really only been that long?) I got a message from someone on the dreaded Facebook saying he had been cheating on me for six months. I confronted him, he admitted it. Instead of doing what a normal person would do and just getting rid of him, I asked him to make a choice. He couldn't, wouldn't say he was ending it but didn't want to leave this girl. I was too weak to leave him. We went to see our councilor the next day, and then that night we had "the talk". He made his choice, and as you can tell from the fact that I am on here, the choice was not me. This is 100%, no going back. We don't have much in the way of legal or practical things that need sorting. We live in his parents house and I never even got around to changing my name. The things we had were mainly DVDs and games and were divided with no fighting. He has been treating me like a good friend and taking care of me. On the 14th I fly back to England, since I was here on a marriage visa. I am staying here in our small part of his parents house until then. He's staying with friends. Trying to do little contact, right now it's just for practical things, well it's supposed to be. I never managed to get a job though, so he is still paying for food and stuff whilst I am here. It is pathetic of me, but it's either that or starve. I am a wreck, devastated. And as this is the first time I have been heartbroken and I have never lived alone, I have no ****ing clue what to do, how to get over this. What's worse is I hate it in England and I feel nothing for my family. I am losing my husband, my best friend and my home all in one. I guess I am just looking for advice on how to get through these emotions, how to control them when I go to my crazy place, just want to know how to survive. I did not know pain like this even existed. I'm 25 btw, also I suffered from depression even before all this happened.
tojaz Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Thats a lot to handle rollercoaster, Sorry that happened to you. I would say that the best thing to do right now would be to lay low until you can get back to the UK. It is going to be very hard to heal while living in his parents house and having to see him and all the reminders regularly. Even though you don't like it in England it doesn't have to be forever, just some time for you to be able to heal and rebuild. In the mean time, just stay as busy as you can to help keep your mind off of it. Concentrate on soaking up as much of Sydney as you can. TOJAZ
Author RollercoasterRide Posted August 10, 2012 Author Posted August 10, 2012 Well as for soaking up sydney, I live about an hour away and can't really afford to visit. I have been trying to stay low but it's so hard to avoid the temptation to ask him to come and hang out with me. I know that's not healthy though. But he and another friend are coming over a few days before I leave so we can have a last night hanging out together. I don't know how I am going to cope with saying goodbye. Thinking about it makes me feel physically sick and I keep getting close to having a panic attack. Also, I feel so apathetic towards everything, even things I used to enjoy. That's the feeling that I hate the most.
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