PainsChains Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I was slow to open up during our relationship. I made progress during the 1.5 years we were together, but my ex grew frustrated with my reluctance and tried to break it off with me. That was the push I needed to open up completely. I told her I loved her and that I intended to marry her but she'd already met someone else and broke it off anyway. I saw her a week later and we reinitiated things. She then spent a couple of weeks going back and forth between us trying to decide who to be with. In that time I showed her rings. But she ended up choosing him and I went strict NC. 2 months into NC she called me at 1 am. She said she was second-guessing her decision. She said she was planning on moving away at the end of the summer to live with this guy but that she was scared. I told her I loved her and was 100% sure about her. She said she wasn't 100% sure about me and didn't want to risk hurting me again. She said she felt something for me and that it wasn't friendship but she didn't know what to call it. Then she said the new guy had never done anything to hurt her and she could never do that to him. And she hung up on me. Immediately I called her twice back but she didn't pick up. I then went strict NC again and it's been over 2 months since that phone call. My feelings for her haven't changed. I'm still in love with her. I have a lot of regret over not opening up to her sooner and know if I had we'd be engaged right now. If things don't work out with this new guy I'd like to try again with her. I've not once tried contacting her in the 4 months we've been broken up. But I'm wondering if should text her, just to put my name back in the hat. I don't want her to forget me. I don't want her to lose that connection with me. Will she forget me and lose those feelings for me if we keep the silence going for too long? Should I text her? Or will this just give her more strength to continue pursuing her new relationship? She has not moved in with him yet. There relationship is obviously going strong and depsite the distance they spend about 4 days a week with each other. I wouldn't be texting to break them up. Just to keep myself in the picture should something go wrong.. advice?
jackiki Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Although getting back in contact is not going to do you any good, but if you are willing to endure some more pain, then go ahead and contact her. I believe it is equally important to see things as they really are as well. Same thing happenned to me, I forced no contact, and knew it is the right thing to do, but ended up creating illusive scenrios in my head on how things are going to change, and how she is coming back to me, bla bla...It became obsessive. I ended up contacting her, and it was a slap, an awakening that brought me back to the harsh reality I was at...SHE IS ****ing SOMEONE ELSE! It hurts for a while, but could be beneficial in the long-run. Otherwise, keep NC and really move on. the "will" to move on is the key...So, do not entertain your thoughts with useless hopes anymore
Exit Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I think just leave it alone. Texting her will send her a loud and clear signal that you still feel the same and are still waiting for her, and that will only make her realize that she has all the time in the world to still figure out if she wants this other guy or not. She will not forget you, as a matter of fact I think silence will work quite the opposite in your case, if you remain quiet I think she will wonder if you've moved on and if she needs to hurry up and change her mind. I can kinnnnd of see the logic in jackiki's reply, that the only way the contact would help you is if she said "I'm fully decided on him and you and I will not be getting back together regardless", it would set you free from any fantasies that this is going to work itself out some day, and it would hurt but you could start to move on. But it is incredibly unlikely that you would be able to get such a concrete statement from her, I bet she'll be just as confused and wishy washy as always and you'll still be in the same position.
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