panthersfan44 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Hey everyone, Gonna post this here, seems like this is the most viewed forum. This might be kinda long, but please read and help me out. I'm going to college this month and I know things will probably get easier for me when I leave. I've been in love with a girl for the past four years; all of high school. We've always been attracted to each other and been kinda back and forth, and we dated for close to a year my sophomore year in high school. I know it's my first love and I don't know what's out there, but it doesn't change my feelings. For the past year and a half, she's had a boyfriend. It just so happens that one night while she was dating me, she kissed this guy (pretty sure no coincidence that they ended up together though). Her reasoning was that she wanted to make sure of her feelings for me, and stupidly I accepted that. After we broke up a couple years back, she had promised to me that we would go to our school's proms together and end up together again till the end of high school, she just needed some time off and some space. But during her space, she made sure to keep me interested so that she wouldn't lose the affection of someone she "cared" about. Obviously, seeing that she's been in another relationship for a while now, this didn't happen. I've been heartbroken ever since our break up, and haven't been able to get over her even when truly trying. She was in three of my classes this past year which didn't make it easy. It's hard to explain, but I care about her a lot, and I believe that she cares for me too. I don't understand it, but I know she does. At the beginning of this summer, I realized I only had a couple months left to get closure for myself and try and spend some time with her. She started coming onto me more and talking to me and said she was going to break up with her boyfriend near the beginning of summer, which only fueled my goal to spend time with her more. After going to lunch with her a couple times it was obvious that she wasn't going to break up with her boyfriend until the very end of summer, making it impossible for me to get what I wanted. Realizing this hurt me a lot, but unfortunately didn't change any feelings I had. The part that really gets me is I know that she cares about me a lot. But I don't understand why she doesn't want to spend time with me before we leave. These are the last few weeks we'll ever have the chance to really be close again until we drift apart and then just become memories. I went to a therapist thinking that would make me feel better, but it really didn't. I hope I'll feel better when I go to college, but it really hurts me that she won't spend any last time with someone she cares so much about. I know she hasn't been good to me, but I can't help my feelings and she's all I think about and all I've ever been thinking about, and I feel like I've failed myself and wasted the past few years by ending without being with her at all. Realistically, I don't want a long distance college relationship with her, but getting what I want in the end would just make me feel so much better but I don't see it happening. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I just really need some encouragement because I don't see myself getting what I want, and frankly she's not worth the trouble in the first place, but I can't seem to get that into my head. I'm hurting a lot and any advice is appreciated Thanks
Author panthersfan44 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Meant to post in the breaking up section, will repost... Advice is much appreciated though
FitChick Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 She loves you like a brother, not a boyfriend. Go away to college and you will have so much more fun and meet many new people that you'll forget all about her.
Author panthersfan44 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 She loves you like a brother, not a boyfriend. Go away to college and you will have so much more fun and meet many new people that you'll forget all about her. I agree with you on the brother part except I know that she's attracted to me. Do you think I should stick it out and spend as much time with her as I can these last few weeks and get as much closure in my mind as possible, or should I just let it fuzz out
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