vallat Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 By semi-open I mean: -no sex with other people (including oral) -little or no kissing other people -free to go on dates and get to know other women Basically looking to see what else is out there to see if you are more interested in your girlfriend or someone else.
Badsingularity Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Don't think too many women would be ok with that.
durentu Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 It's definitely possible with people who have high integrity. Mostly in poly relationships but also in different cultures - it's not that big of a thing.
ascendotum Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I think a fair few people do that, but are not always proactive about it, rather they stay in their comfort zone, but will latch on to something better when it shows interest in them. I really don't think many people (M or F) would be happy with such a semi-open relationship, unless they were in a fwb type situation where they both came to the conclusion the other was not right for them.
Leigh 87 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 It would only work in the early stages, before you get really into your girlfriend. However, once your into her and want a relationship with her.... I hate to say it, but if your REALLY into a girl, NO guy would want to go off and see if there are better options! NO guy who is really into their girlfriend, would EVER want to " shop around" for other girls... Furthermore, you should strive to be happy WITHOUT a relationship or dating; that stuff should just happen. Are you reall THAT desperate for a relationship, that you have to shop around when you already HAVE a girl? I do not believe any guy who has a special feeling about a girl, would want to look around for better options... it means your not that crazy about the girl to begin with.... 1
Dreamless Sleep Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I call bull****. How much probing around until it crosses the next arbitrary line? Is it a 'girlfriend' you have? or just a 'girl that you are dating'? If you've crossed into girlfriend territory and you are thinking that there are bigger fish to fry, your relationship is not gonna last. IMHO I'd love to see how that conversation works out and the next romp. 1
Jane2011 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I think it's sweeter when two people are all about each other and not looking for other people on the side, either for sex or for relationships. I don't have anything against open relationships, on principle, though. But I think they come with a lot of drama. And I know monogamous relationships come with drama, too. I think the nature of open relationship drama is more disturbing, though. There's a lot of cattiness involved. Monogamous relationship drama is maybe 1/3 catty/jealous-oriented and the rest is stuff I can stomach.
Taramere Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) What kind of relationship is that, where one or both are actively looking for somebody better? That's a very utilitarian approach to take towards another human being. If I felt so lukewarm towards somebody that I was on the look-out to replace them, then I would end the relationship. I wouldn't use them until "something better" came along. I actually really dislike that mentality. I know people who have it, and I don't necessarily dislike them as people (I just think they're buying into something pretty cold that a lot of people are buying into these days)...but I do dislike the mentality. My mother used to always say "just go out with everybody who asks. It's like a job....you're more likely to meet a man when you're with a man". I just couldn't do that. Being friends with a man who is willing to accept that friendship is all it is - fine, but being in a relationship with somebody because you'd rather not be single while you're on the hunt just seems pretty soulless to me. What a way to treat another person. If they're willing to let you treat them like that then that's almost worse. If a man said to me "I want us to spend time together, but I want to date other women to see what else is out there" then I'd either stop seeing him altogether or I'd wind it back to friendship only (and a fairly low key friendship at that, so that he wasn't taking up too much of my time for companionship purposes). I know lots of people are unwittingly used "until something better turns up" , but to actually knowingly permit somebody to be using you in that way suggests that a lot of people out there are maybe a little too easily conned by trash philosophies that are in everybody's interests except their own. Edited August 6, 2012 by Taramere
Susie1985 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I know as a women myself i would not be ok with it. I feel that if you were going to do this, you would need to make sure the other person is COMPLETELY ok with it. Plus, you need to remember that most women like to have the man all to themselves.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 By semi-open I mean: -no sex with other people (including oral) -little or no kissing other people -free to go on dates and get to know other women Basically looking to see what else is out there to see if you are more interested in your girlfriend or someone else. I posted this on the 50 shades thread, but I'd be perfectly ok with an open relationship/marriage. But with certain caveats. Unlike you, I'd be ok with her having sex with others, but not going on dates. That's where I'd draw the line.
veggirl Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Why bother making the first woman a "girlfriend" if you wanna date others and are just waiting for something better to come along? That makes no sense. And how many girls would even willingly be the "other women" once they find out "oh yeah I have a gf but just checking if I like you better"
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Basically a disaster waiting to happen. Eventually you'll meet someone who you feel chemistry and physical attraction with and there goes the "rules"...happens every time.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I think it sounds completely stupid. Either just date around until you feel like sticking, or have a real "open relationship," whether that means polyamory or whatever, or, be in a committed monogamous relationship. 1
mesmerized Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Why would any self-respecting man/woman agree to that??
Jane2011 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I think there are some couples who really do love each other a lot but still want to be open because it just suits their nature. The problem is, they do right by each other but wreak havoc on the emotions of other people. Not always, but often. I'd say I 'approve' of open relationships on a case by case basis, but I'd need a lot of information about the couple and how they are with each other and with other people. This is information I'll never have, so I can't exactly approve. Just saying, I'd approve as the situation deserves and disapprove as it doesn't. p.s. I suspect if i did have all information, I'd disapprove A LOT of the time. A few instances I might see as having integrity and depth, though.
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Why would any self-respecting man/woman agree to that?? Why not? Assuming the door swings both ways.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Why not? Assuming the door swings both ways. Because … it's bogus? Why have a "semi-open relationship"? Just be free, or not. Multidating is fine. The whole: Basically looking to see what else is out there to see if you are more interested in your girlfriend or someone else. attitude pretty much dooms this "relationship." Nobody wants to be compared with others all the time. It's not a positive way to go forward; it's negative. Plus, the "little or no kissing." How exactly is that determined? Dumb.
xxoo Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I don't see the point. You don't have to date others to see what's out there. And anyway, who has the time and energy to be in a relationship and date other people? Exhausting!
Jane2011 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 One thing I've noticed about a lot of open relationship couples is that they're not actually in open relationships. That is, they're "open" in name, but both of them are just available. They're not actually seeing anyone. This is because, if that happens, one or both of them would freak out. I say this (admittedly from a small sample). I talked to a few people who announce themselves as "in an open relationship" on dating sites. Pretty much all of them said, "neither of us has actually been with anybody yet, but we're open." So it's working for them as long as they're not actually dating anybody. Once it happens, like I said, often times there's a freak-out.
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