PoopHappens Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Okay, I admit it, I had to cheat to catch my cheater. I employed various electronic methods to gather evidence. I felt bad for a while but now realize that although I crossed a line I wish I never had at least I know the magnitude of the problems facing me. I can't go into this not knowing to the best of my ability what the truth really is. My wife used to be the most honest person I knew. And has, despite herself, become a very proficient liar. What do other people think of this?
karnak Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 If you're attacked by someone who wants to kill you, you have to defend yourself. Perhaps even have to kill the attacker. Is it violence? Sure, but it's justified. Your survival was at stake. And you never intended to harm anyone. You didn't initiate anything. You were just defending yourself. As for your real case, you were just defending your sanity and peace of mind. You're not the guilty one here. Your wife is. So, forget about it. 1
bentnotbroken Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Okay, I admit it, I had to cheat to catch my cheater. I employed various electronic methods to gather evidence. I felt bad for a while but now realize that although I crossed a line I wish I never had at least I know the magnitude of the problems facing me. I can't go into this not knowing to the best of my ability what the truth really is. My wife used to be the most honest person I knew. And has, despite herself, become a very proficient liar. What do other people think of this? What's the problem? You do what you have to do when you need to make life altering decisions and someone is trying to prevent you from doing that with all the information that is out there. 2
karnak Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 What's the problem? You do what you have to do when you need to make life altering decisions and someone is trying to prevent you from doing that with all the information that is out there. Bingo! It concerns you and your life. So you do have a right to know. Well put, bentnotbroken. 1
Gunny376 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 What's the problem? You do what you have to do when you need to make life altering decisions and someone is trying to prevent you from doing that with all the information that is out there. Its News You Could Use! I don't see and ethical question about it. If your partner conducts themselees and their day-to-day affairs above reproach and question? Then there shouldn't be any problem. If the other party place a high value on thier personal code of ethics, honor, truthfullness? I don't see whereas there should be a need for such 'ISpy' type things. When it comes to this whole thing of cheating on your SO/Spouse/Wife/Husband/ etc? IMHO it has more to do with the cheating individuals own personal insecurties, lack of confidence, boredom factor (that is to say they themselves are boring). Its really is a matter of pointing the finger at the other person without lookng the three fingers one has pointing back at themselves? In my own case? I didn't need a show like Cheaters, nor a bunch of tape recorders, video cameras etc. All I needed was the 'pit' in my stomach that I got when I lay in the same bed with the same woman I had laid in bed with for twelve years. The emotional withdrawal ~ etc. I KNEW! Per the experience? Now all I need is the suspinsion! And Mrs. Gunny knows that. But that's also one of the reason she's Mrs. Gunny. She KNOWS that I'm going to conduct myself, my affairs above reproach, question, and suspension. And that I expect the same.
Steen719 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I had some trepidation at using a keylogger, also. I didn't have it for long. After I saw what the bast**d was up to, I got over it very fast. If I left it up to him, I would still be with him, working my butt off while he conducted his crap online. He would tell me at times that I had better not be getting in his stuff. He could not figure out how I knew what I knew. My niece said he must have thought I was psychic...LOL I do not feel bad about it at all. Too freaking bad if he didn't like it. I wasn't the one having the affair. He was. 2
Author PoopHappens Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 he must have thought I was psychic...LOL . LOL, FWIW, I occasionally snore. Yes imagine that, a middle aged man snoring. So I bought this simple little app to monitor night time noises on my iPod. It turns on when it hears me and turns off when the noise stops. Even date and time stamps the noises. Being a middle aged man and not too tech savvy I ended up "accidentally" turning it on and leaving it lying around the house a few times when I went out. Just like my lost keys I couldn't remember where I left it. My goodness, the noises it picked up.
jmjacobs31 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 When my ex ended our 12 year relationship pretty much out of the blue and didn't want to work on things I did somethings I am not proud of. I snooped through his facebook and email multiple times. I also went through his text messages. I found out that he was trying to sleep with some chicks he works with and was having naked pictures send to him by another girl. I eventually told him I went through his email and he was not happy. I know what I did was wrong, but I did what I had to do. I had to know answers and it helped me see the kind of person he really is. Everyone has their crazy moment of doing whatever they need to do to know the truth. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I might be alone in this, but I don't think it's the same thing as SPYING when it's your spouse. If your spouse is consistently innocent and you keep intermittently hiring people to follow her, you might want to get your head checked. But for the vast majority of us it is a necessary way to cut through the bullsh*t served on our plates. We expect everything else in this society to be transparent and follow a certain standard for our safety be it physical or emotional. A spouse shouldn't be any different than that. A lot of cheating spouses and OPs treat it like it's being caught passing a note in class. However, a spouse screwing someone else has a life-altering and shattering impact on one's life. WS could get pregnant or get someone else pregnant. STDs Traumatizing....Etc etc etc etc etc A WS upset about being spied on.... Cry me a river.... 2
pteromom Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 If your spouse has given you no reason not to trust and you are spying, then yes it is wrong. But if you are typically NOT a paranoid or insecure person and you suspect your spouse is cheating, and he/she won't be honest with you about what is going on, you have to do what you have to do in order to get to the truth.
2sure Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 I had to make informed decisions. My x was not informing me, so I got the information I needed myself. Additionally, he confused me with all of his smoke and mirrors to the point where I questioned my own judgement. Im glad I got the info, but will never be happy with the way I got it. Try being honest with a potential future partner and saying: yeah, my ex had my head so twisted I hired a PI , put recorders in his car, and hacked into all his accounts.
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