ms_daisy21 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Hello all, I've been a lurker on these forums for awhile now and just got around to creating an account. Here's my dilemma: I am taking a summer class this summer and once I take my final (this Friday), I'll have graduated. During the entirety of the class, I have been hopelessly attracted to my, much older (I'm mid-twenties, he's mid-forties), professor. He's friendly, intelligent, attractive and he has a wicked sense of humor. He hasn't shown me any signs that he might be interested (if he did, I think that might make him a bit of a sleazeball), but he's always been overly sympathetic towards me. I am in the class as a result of a university snafu after previously taking it. I have all of my other credits complete, so I got a full-time job. He was very understanding of my schedule and allowed me to forgo the mandatory recitation so I could work. When I need help, he lets me schedule my own office hours with him. Anyway, with classes ending soon, I was wondering if after grades are assigned if you guys had any suggestions for me to ask him out. Or maybe you think that's a totally horrible idea. Thanks for reading. =] Oh! Shoot, also, he's single. I wouldn't go for a married guy and I'm not seeing anyone right now.
Pasttense Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Go ahead and ask him in a couple weeks; at worst he will say no.
proseandpassion Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Is he married? The thing is, if he's good looking and intelligent he might sleep with his students all the time. On the other hand, if he's actually a good guy he'll probably see you as nothing but a student.. and will probably turn you down.
kaylan Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I hope you arent trying to get a relationship outta this.
TheFinalWord Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) Hello all, I've been a lurker on these forums for awhile now and just got around to creating an account. Here's my dilemma: I am taking a summer class this summer and once I take my final (this Friday), I'll have graduated. During the entirety of the class, I have been hopelessly attracted to my, much older (I'm mid-twenties, he's mid-forties), professor. He's friendly, intelligent, attractive and he has a wicked sense of humor. He hasn't shown me any signs that he might be interested (if he did, I think that might make him a bit of a sleazeball), but he's always been overly sympathetic towards me. I am in the class as a result of a university snafu after previously taking it. I have all of my other credits complete, so I got a full-time job. He was very understanding of my schedule and allowed me to forgo the mandatory recitation so I could work. When I need help, he lets me schedule my own office hours with him. Anyway, with classes ending soon, I was wondering if after grades are assigned if you guys had any suggestions for me to ask him out. Or maybe you think that's a totally horrible idea. Thanks for reading. =] Oh! Shoot, also, he's single. I wouldn't go for a married guy and I'm not seeing anyone right now. I'm an instructor. For me personally, I would never date a student or former student. Too much of a risk. I know people that have though. Plus, honestly, that's quite an age gap. One thing I can speak to is the sympathy he's showing you. I don't know if it's genuine or not, but I can tell you that a lot of schools place a heavy emphasis on student evaluations. Especially with this economy and the competition with on-line schools, etc. Thus, profs are often very lenient so as not to get bad student evals. If bad student evals mean not getting a raise/promotion or not having to teach all the 10pm classes, a lot of profs will make the classes easier and cut a lot of slack. Most of the time bad student evals are b/c a student doesn't get an A even if it's not deserved or the students have to work hard. It's one of the things we talk about all the time in staff meetings as hurting university education. But it is the way the system works for now. So that could be part of the explanation for his sympathy. Edited August 5, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Author ms_daisy21 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 I hope you arent trying to get a relationship outta this. Not at all. Just something fun.
Author ms_daisy21 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 I'm an instructor. For me personally, I would never date a student or former student. Too much of a risk. I know people that have though. Plus, honestly, that's quite an age gap. One thing I can speak to is the sympathy he's showing you. I don't know if it's genuine or not, but I can tell you that a lot of schools place a heavy emphasis on student evaluations. Especially with this economy and the competition with on-line schools, etc. Thus, profs are often very lenient so as not to get bad student evals. If bad student evals mean not getting a raise/promotion or not having to teach all the 10pm classes, a lot of profs will make the classes easier and cut a lot of slack. Most of the time bad student evals are b/c a student doesn't get an A even if it's not deserved or the students have to work hard. It's one of the things we talk about all the time in staff meetings as hurting university education. But it is the way the system works for now. So that could be part of the explanation for his sympathy. This response is kind of sad actually. I didn't realize student evaluations even mattered-- let alone that raises hang in the balance. I didn't necessarily think his being nice meant that he was in any way interested... it's just something I appreciated. I need to read into things less.
Author ms_daisy21 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 I am way too much of a coward to do anything. It's probably for the best (there is no chance for abject humiliation, for example). But TheFinalWord got me thinking about how it kind of sucks to teach and part of the reason I developed this silly crush on my professor was because he's so wonderful at what he does. So... I'm just going to write his dept. chair a letter about what a great job he does. Less awkward for everyone and on some level he'll know how much I appreciated him.
TheFinalWord Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 (edited) This response is kind of sad actually. I didn't realize student evaluations even mattered-- let alone that raises hang in the balance. I didn't necessarily think his being nice meant that he was in any way interested... it's just something I appreciated. I need to read into things less. Oh don't get me wrong! Most profs do want to help students. But when I see them bending rules and making classes really lenient it's either b/c they have heavy research responsibilities and don't have time to deal with enforcing rules or they want to improve student evals. But yes those student evals do count. This is just a generalization though. I'm sure you're a nice girl and all, but the attractive prof is kind of like when guys think a cute waitress is flirting with them. Maybe they are, but it's hard to tell since being nice is part of the job But I do think it would be great to write that letter! That would be real nice of you! PS: It doesn't such to teach. It's a very fun and rewarding experience. But it has down sides like pretty much every job Edited August 7, 2012 by TheFinalWord
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