MayleneHallelujah09 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I know that to move on, you must accept the breakup. I keep trying to tell myself, "We will never get back together. It's over," and I try to think of something else when I catch myself fantasizing about us getting back together. It's hard though. Is it just a habit that you have to break, something that gets easier with time, or am I missing something here?
Tyler. Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Both yes and no. Yes time is a big factor. But you have to realise this, you were not perfect while you were dating, so why would you think you would be anything better if you got back together? And if you think you were perfect, either you choose to remember the good things rather than the bad, or your ex didn't think that you guys were perfect. Relationships end for a reason. Try to put your emotions aside and think of what your ex did wrong to you. You'll probably see that it wasn't that good of a relationship. Just try to think rationally and you might see what went wrong and you may work on it. Don't feel too bad, everything ends for a reason.
Jamesblame Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I"m sorry to hear you're so upset. The only way to move on is to work through all the pain, guilt, regret, and sadness that comes with a break up. You're losing your lover, your friend, your family member (and probably plenty others too), and your shared dreams. What's not to grieve? Time will make you feel better. Eventually the panic attacks and sharp pains fade away to dull aches and deep sadness. Then as you continue to look at why you're sad, you'll learn that much of your sorrow comes from issues that you can control. For instance, I would cry in the grocery store because I missed my ex...or so I thought. In reality, I was upset because I missed shopping with someone and sharing little domestic tasks. This meant that my loneliness wasn't from an ex, but from not having a partner. With small realizations like that, you eventually learn what makes you happy. And then you'll meet somebody, and spend days with them. There are billions of people on this planet. Honestly, you have tens of millions of people in your potential dating pool. And once the pain of one relationship fails, you can start to pick those people up.
Jamesblame Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 But you have to forgive yourself. You did the best you could at the time...even it was a giant mistake
Author MayleneHallelujah09 Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 Thanks everyone still welcoming more answers
Zammo25 Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 I wrote a blog awhile back that I'll let you read... "Fate. It's what people invent to explain what they can't understand. If you think someone is the one, you tell yourself it was meant to happen. And if it breaks your heart, you tell yourself it wasn't meant to be. I've spent years trying to find a man who knows where I am in a room the moment he steps inside, without having to look. But that hasn't happened. I can admit the truth to myself - that I've got lousy luck at finding love - or I can tell myself that I haven't crossed paths with my soul mate yet. It's always easier to be a victim than a failure." Getting over someone is tough. But you do get over them eventually, as if that is my glimmer of hope to you. The only thing I got as advice, is it takes time. Just as it took time to love them, now you gotta rewind. There’s no pill you can pop (well maybe Xanax), there’s no self-help book you can read (although those tend to numb the pain for a little), and no magic drink you can drink (besides tequila) that can make this process any quicker. Here’s how I remove myself from succumbing to the mere fact that I am unattractively wooing over this ******* all because of love. Although we tend to blame love, it isn’t love, it’s the person. Remember, love doesn’t walk away. People do. Being single, there is this sudden blank future that feels remarkable. For real, look, you wake up as a person with limitless options-- limitless options in terms of men, sure, but in life, too. You’re no longer tied to a person who only ever held you back, and suddenly all your capabilities have the opportunity to materialize into whatever you set your mind to. I’ve always known, intellectually that I’m a gorgeous, intelligent, capable woman (as you are too ladies). But, it's taken singledom for me to feel like that gorgeous specimen of femininity that I’ve always intellectually known myself to be. It’s not cockiness, it’s confidence. Get some. Then there is that chance your ex wants you back, well honey, don’t stoop low and take them back. As a very good friend of mine once put it, "If the milk is spoiled, you can't put it back in the fridge and expect it will be fresh again." No, you pitch it and rinse it away forever. And then you move on to another carton of milk. If you drink it and get sick, well, you are the moron now, aren't you? You have to move on. You don’t have a choice. If it took some other bimbo for them to realize that they miss you and you come crawling back, PUHLEEZ, mine as well put your forefinger and thumb shaped as an “L” on your forehead. They’ll do it again. I'm too bored for playing games -- put it that way, it seems counterintuitive, but people are so boringly predictable in their drama that I’ve not the energy to be interested in deciphering intent from vocalized mission statements. Why is it up to them whether the relationship is going to work or not? Boys may "wear the pants," but remember we're the ones who unbutton them. Realize your worth pumpkins. But holy hell, being single has you face-to-face with the hottest of new market’s boy candy. I’ve never in my life reduced to such an inarticulate, hormonal mess in the face of a hawt boy before. but, rawr. There are so many sexy bastards out there. Now’s our time ladies! Anyways, no matter how much sexiness surrounds you, you still come home at night with that squeeze in your chest that reminds you, he left you. Sometimes you want to ask that dip**** if they usually go around sweeping girls off their feet with all the amazing things they say, including “I love you” and then rip your heart out and walk away, leaving you broken, bleeding and begging you to love them. Or if we were just special. Well, we aren’t just special. It’s there way of saying, I got bored. You were there, you were easy (not everything I say implies sex), but just “easy” as in an easy catch. Once the chase is over, it gets boring. Remember this. Put it in your back pocket as a memo for your next relationship. I’ve purposely broken a heart before. So I can understand their foolish attempts. But for me it was merely for entertainment value, of an ex-dip****. A well-placed, time-release evil streak that chose the perfect moment to rear it's beautiful head. I must admit, that one felt good. And it's likely to be an experience I repeat. Hence my head strong opinion. **** karmic retribution, sometimes a girl's just gotta get her kicks. As a single woman, I’m dangerous. As a taken one, I’m merely mischievous. I swear. But out of all this blabbering, get this: If we were happy before them, we can be happy after them. Take your singleness as a golden ticket into the loom of happiness. Don't ever belittle yourself because someone left you. Your destiny isn't tied to them. Thank them for giving you the chance to find something better. Because believe me, once you find that new boy toy, you will be thankful that your past relationships didn't work. And he'll probably be better in bed too. Just saying. Also, write everything down that you are feeling from this loss. I swear by this, more than I swear coffee. When your broken heart has mended, look back on what you wrote about this fellow that you had "undying love for" and find yourself laughing at how lame you were. It'll be easier for you to move on every time knowing that once before you were in this same position, and you got over it. I suppose that's a good a note as any to end on. Adieu. -------------------- Of course this applies to both sexes but I wrote it from my point of view and I'm a woman. I hope it helped. Just know you are not alone in this process and we are here to help you! Powerful stuff. You are a stong Woman and for a of lot of blokes quite scary I would think. There is a fine balance between confidence and arrogance however. LOL
HumptyDumpty Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 That was just beautiful to read, than you so much! It really does help
Recommended Posts