2muchlove Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I'm still stuck here, 1 month post-break up. Haven't done much for myself other than traveling the country for the past few weeks. Which has helped me emotionally. I'm starting to realize I not only never do things for myself. But I have all the desire to, yet no idea how to. I have no career, no direction, no idea what I want to do with myself. How does one dedicate themselves to their own well-being after 25 years of living for others and through others?
january2011 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 You make some lists. What are your goals? What are the steps to get there? What makes you happy? What could you do better? What have you always wanted to do/learn/see/try/visit? Also figure out why you live for others and not yourself. Where did this behaviour come from? Unpack it: the thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Remind yourself that this is your time now. That it's time to be selfish because you deserve a break after 25 years. That you don't want to be on the sidelines witnessing other people's lives anymore. You want to be on the stage, taking action and creating your life.
Ruby65 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Read books about co-dependency and how to heal from that.
Author 2muchlove Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 (edited) I was talking with my mother the other day as we ate and she asked me if I remember after my dad left us when I was five. Apparently I would just stare out the window waiting for him to come home at his usual time. But he would never show. I don't know what it was but I had to choke back what otherwise would have been an explosion of tears since we were in the middle of a restaurant when she told me that. I never remember a time where I was even mad at my father for doing that. He still took care of my sister and I the best he could but my mom had full custody over us. Not sure if that has anything to do with my situation or codependency, but it must have something to do with my persona today. Edited August 5, 2012 by 2muchlove
january2011 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 From memory, some adults who experienced feelings of abandonment as children may blame themselves. They may try to overcompensate to make that person stay or return. They may believe that if they can demonstrate that they are "good enough" then that person won't leave or that person will come back. They are trying to re-do the events in an attempt to get a better outcome and they may apply this worldview to most of their adult relationships. Perhaps your being overly helpful is a manifestation of this belief and your childhood interpretation of why your father left.
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