jmjacobs31 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I have a long post on here about my story so I will try to make it as short as possible. I was with my ex for 12 years, since he was 16, I 18. 7 years ago we moved from MN to IL to get jobs and 4 years ago we bought a condo together in the city. We have 2 dogs and 4 cats and although we are not legally married, we basically were. We have had our ups and downs over the years and sometimes we have really struggled. He has never really been there emotionally for me, and I really never felt comfortable talking to him about problems in our relationship. If I cried he would get pissed and leave. I struggle with low self esteem, mostly brought on by this relationship. He has a lot of past issues hes not willing to admit. His father committed suicide when he was 13 and that is something hes never really dealt with. He went to counseling about it once right after it happened and refused to talk so he never went back. He also has never been to his fathers grave since the funeral. He is also what I would consider a high functional alcoholic. When hes not at work he is usually drinking and this has caused me to resent him. Often he would chose booze over me and it broke my heart. Hes spent the past 7 years treating me poorly and manipulating me. During this time there have been some great times too, as he can be a really nice guy. He also is a pretty big gambler. I think about 6-8 months ago I really started to have resentment towards him. I hated always being second best. His work, friends, drinking always came before me. Hes a work-a-holic and sometimes would work 80 hrs a week, not because he had to but because he wanted too. One I started to resent him I stopped doing things for him like laundry, cooking, cleaning. Often when he was home and wanted to have sex he was drunk so i was turned off and didnt want him to even touch me. I became crabby and I am sure I was not pleasant to be around. 4 months ago I came home from work and we had a fight that resulted in him walking out on my and disappearing for 3 days and not talking to me for a week. After that week he agreed to meet me and then told me I needed to leave our home and stay with a friend while he thought about what he wanted. After that week he decided we should break up. He told me he was not happy and he felt like we were more like roommates then a couple. I begged and pleaded with him and told him I wanted to work on things. I didnt understand how he could just throw away 12 years without even trying to work on things. He said he didn't want to try and that counseling was absolutely out of the question. Since then I have been crushed. I've lost 20lbs and I felt like I was going crazy for a bit. It seems like all of this has been easy on him, and maybe that means he wanted out a long time ago. I did some snooping on his computer after we broke up (I am not proud of that) and found out he was trying to sleep with a girl he works with starting the night we broke up. Hes also been trying to seep with a few other girls and had a different one sending him naked pictures of herself. Maybe its easier on guys but dating the the absolute last thing on my mind, even just casual sex is not something I am interested in. During this whole break up hes treated it like its no big deal. He wanted to stay friends and still see our two dogs that came to live with me after we split. We dont have any children together wish is good but we have mutual friends that we have had for 14 years and one of my best friends is married to his cousin. I know I am doing better then I was 3-4 months ago but I still feel horrible. I still cry all the time and when I wake up in the morning I feel like hell. I miss him so much it hurts. I secretly wish he wanted me back even though I know he would never changed so it wouldn't work. I dont know how to adjust from spending almost every day of my life with someone for the past 7 years to never seeing them again. It hurts that hes moved on so easily and I am still hurting. I feel like no one will ever love me, or that i will not find anyone to love again. Its like one day I woke up and my whole entire life changed without warning. I dont expect to be over a 12 year relationship in 4 months but I was hoping I would feel a little better by now. I am seeing a therapist and that is helping. We are on very limmited contact and only email about our dogs, which are my dogs now i guess but I am letting him watch them next weekend when I am out of town to save money on boarding. I have to stop myself from texting or emailing him that I love him and miss him. The only thing I do know is that this sucks and hes all I think about and i need to figure out a way to make it stop!
worldgonewrong Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 The sooner you fix it in your head that he's a (a) a dirtbag and (b) he's NOT thinking about you, you'll make better strides. Trust me - I know of whence you speak. It's been a year & a half separation from my wife, and I get consumed by thoughts of her. It's sick, terrible, and crippling. I get it.
piper65 Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 It takes time to get used to ending all relationships - good and bad. In time you will see that this was for the best. You have your life ahead of you. Stop looking in the rear view mirror. Sometimes we mistake the length of a relationship for the quality of a relationship. You have invested 7 years in this, but the best thing is to move on. It was not a healthy relationship. What our heart longs for is not always what is good for us. There will be someone else that makes you happier.
Recommended Posts