Jumping into another relationship

August 5, 2012

Has anyone ever jumped into another relationship right after another? Just wondering because my ex has been dating someone literally the week after we broke up. We dated for 4 1/2 years, so its hard for me still to do stuff without thinking of him. We have done so much together and everything seems to remind me of him. I find it hard for him to just forget me like that, even while on a date with someone else. He even takes her all the places he took me. I guess my question is, has anyone dated someone right after a break up and still had thoughts of their ex while on a date?

August 5, 2012

I have but all I end up doing is comparing them to my ex and it just makes me miss them that much more. They say 90% percent of rebound relationships don't work and I believe it. Ive been on and off with my ex gf for 3 years and during that time, I dated around 5 women. None which went past 2 months. After a breakup, you need time for yourself and work on the things that cause the relationship to end. You're only going to be kidding yourself if you jump to the next guy who takes an interest in you. You'll be hurting them and you'll be hurting yourself. Take control of things and don't let your emotions get the best out of you.

August 5, 2012

Thank you for your response. My ex has told our friends he still cares and loves me very much. I do believe him, but I am so confused on how he can be with another girl so quickly. I found out he took the girl to a fair tonight. I went last weekend with one of my friends and ended up having a crappy time, because of the memories we made there over the years. No matter how hard I tried not to think about it, I just couldn't get him out of my head.

August 5, 2012

Thank you for your response. My ex has told our friends he still cares and loves me very much. I do believe him, but I am so confused on how he can be with another girl so quickly. I found out he took the girl to a fair tonight. I went last weekend with one of my friends and ended up having a crappy time, because of the memories we made there over the years. No matter how hard I tried not to think about it, I just couldn't get him out of my head.

Well when things get stale in a relationship, either the man or the woman want out. They may still love you but at the same time feel like there could be a better match for them. This is why you shouldn't get with anyone else right after a breakup because you're going to be trying to hard to create something between you and this new person that you and your ex once had. It will not work because every one is different and everyone has different personalities and you'll end up dissapointed when you realize that they're nothing like your ex. It's also hard to open up your heart to someone new right after a breakup.

You need to start being the girl that your ex bf fell in love with. Be out there with your friends, have fun, pretend like he's the least of your worries and most importantly, keep contact with him to a minimum. The last thing you wanna do is push him away. He will then start to miss and second guess his decision to end things with you. If he says he still loves you then there is always a chance.

August 5, 2012

Thank you for your advice. Its nice to hear from a guys perspective.

I haven't contacted him. There have been so many times I was tempted to contact him or the girl, but didn't, because I wanted to show that I am the bigger person in all of this. She posts stuff on facebook to make me jealous, such as where they are at, what they are doing, but I pretend like I don't see it.

I have been going out with my friends more than I did when I was with him. He has told me before we broke up that I don't know what its like with someone else, because I've only been with him, and that maybe we need to be with other people to realize what we both really want. He felt that he was not making me happy, which is why he walked away.

I actually hid all my stuff on facebook so he can't see it. I feel like by doing this, he will be curious about what I have been doing, because before he could just go on facebook and see what I've been doing. His new girl always posts what they are doing and then takes it down, which makes me think my ex bf is telling her to take it down, because he doesn't want me to know what he is doing.

August 5, 2012

I hate to tell you this, but you DO realise this was already lined up.... BEFORE you guys broke up?

She was in all likelihood waiting in the wings for the big finale before coming out and grabbing the spotlight.

oh yessiree, she was a pre-break happening thing.....

He as good as told you that himself.

He has told me before we broke up that I don't know what its like with someone else, because I've only been with him, and that maybe we need to be with other people to realize what we both really want. He felt that he was not making me happy, which is why he walked away.

that's him he was talking about - not you.

August 5, 2012

Yea I agree with what everyone is saying on this site. I broke up with my gf of 4 years and immediately rebounded. The rebound relationship was good and lasted for 2.5 years (broke up 2 weeks ago). Ultimately, with the break now, I had to deal with emotions from BOTH sides. So do yourself a favor and dont hurt yourself

August 5, 2012

I hate to tell you this, but you DO realise this was already lined up.... BEFORE you guys broke up?
She was in all likelihood waiting in the wings for the big finale before coming out and grabbing the spotlight.

oh yessiree, she was a pre-break happening thing.....

He as good as told you that himself.

that's him he was talking about - not you.

Well, you don't really know all the details, so I can understand where you are coming from. One of our mutual friends told him about her relationship, that it took her being with someone else to realize she wanted to be with her ex bf. I just told him you cant compare us to other people, but he seemed to really consider it at the time.

As far as the girl goes, I already know she was just lurking in the background. She is someone he works with. She was just waiting for something to happen between us, so she could swoop in. She actually had a bf also, but seems like she dropped him to be with my ex. I dont worry too much about her.

August 5, 2012

Man people are so negative on here.

August 5, 2012

No sweetheart, unfortunately we've been round the block a few times and had an overdose of reality - up to our necks.

I'm married, and have been a member for a long time. You won't find a huge amount from me about my R, because actually, there's little I can say.... but I've seen so much heartbreak here - but an awful lot of people have become stronger, more positive and more 'empowered' because of their experiences.

I've made a lot of really good friends on this forum - and shared experiences really bind folks together.

August 5, 2012

Yeah, but just because its happened to you, doesn't mean its going to happen to everyone.

August 5, 2012

No sweetheart, unfortunately we've been round the block a few times and had an overdose of reality - up to our necks.

I'm married, and have been a member for a long time. You won't find a huge amount from me about my R, because actually, there's little I can say.... but I've seen so much heartbreak here - but an awful lot of people have become stronger, more positive and more 'empowered' because of their experiences.
I've made a lot of really good friends on this forum - and shared experiences really bind folks together.

You make it seem like you are certain.

August 5, 2012

Never happened to me.

But it's happened to hundreds of others....

Read the 'coping' threads... People are constantly astonished by their partners suddenly getting a new partner on the rebound - only to discover "They've been texting for weeks....!"

Your situation is completely unique - just like everyone else's.

Because you guys are unique and you have unique lives, and nobody else is exactly like you.

But this happens all - the - time.

August 5, 2012

You make it seem like you are certain.

I'd bet on it.

Can't for sure say I'm 100% right, but I'm pretty much sure...

August 5, 2012

Ya don't buy in into their relationship. Take it with a grain of salt. It she left her ex for your ex then its possible she will do the same to him. This girl just sounds like those slutty type. She might have been jealous of you and possibly sabotaged your relationship with him. You're boyfriend just got infactuated with her wanting to be with him while still having a boyfriend. It might have given him an ego boost which might have partially caused the breakup.

Just give it time and he'll soon realize what a complete douche he was by leaving you. By the way, how old are you?

August 5, 2012

Thats the thing, you can't be pretty sure when you don't exactly know the people. Yes, I hear stories of people that don't get back together, but then I also hear that some do. I'd imagine you hear it a lot on here, because a person who does get back together with their ex might not feel the need to post it on here. I don't think I would. I go on here, because it helps me to write it down and explain myself.

August 5, 2012

Well, check out the 'second chances' forum. the ratio of 'getting back together for good and it's working' is disastrously low....

August 5, 2012

Ya don't buy in into their relationship. Take it with a grain of salt. It she left her ex for your ex then its possible she will do the same to him. This girl just sounds like those slutty type. She might have been jealous of you and possibly sabotaged your relationship with him. You're boyfriend just got infactuated with her wanting to be with him while still having a boyfriend. It might have given him an ego boost which might have partially caused the breakup.

Just give it time and he'll soon realize what a complete douche he was by leaving you. By the way, how old are you?

Thank you! I'm almost certain she tells him what he wants to hear and does what he wants her to do. We had developed a life outside of each other. We both have separate jobs and go to school, but we still made time for each other on the weekends or if we had a day off. The fact that they work together seems they will see each other ALL the time. I am 22. Yes, I know I'm young and there are plenty of other fish in the sea, but I really do love this guy. If I didn't I would've easily moved on. I should state that he is turning 25 next month. The new girl is 19. Like I said, I don't worry too much about her.

August 5, 2012

Well, check out the 'second chances' forum. the ratio of 'getting back together for good and it's working' is disastrously low....

You are just not giving me any hope are you?

August 5, 2012

That's not it at all - but reconciliation is only on the cards when both people want it - and his heart is obviously elsewhere now.

you really want damaged goods back?

Wouldn't you be suspicious of his motives, if he said - "It didn't work, i want you back"...?

if he ever was 100% convinced you were the one for him - he would never have wandered off in the first place - but he was obviously unsure!

And let me tell you - I obvioulsy don't know how old you are - but monogamy is a fallacy - humans are not monogamous.

if we truly were, you dad would still be with the first love of his life, and you'd have a different mother.

or vice versa...

we're conditioned to remain faithful, but we're not monogamous.

Chances are he will go through at least another 10 girlfriends before he settles - and you too, will find a whole host of other guys to have fun with.

it's the way of the world - and there's nothing wrong with that.

The only 'wrong' thing, is that we hurt people, to get what we think we want.

August 5, 2012

That's not it at all - but reconciliation is only on the cards when both people want it - and his heart is obviously elsewhere now.
you really want damaged goods back?
Wouldn't you be suspicious of his motives, if he said - "It didn't work, i want you back"...?

if he ever was 100% convinced you were the one for him - he would never have wandered off in the first place - but he was obviously unsure!
And let me tell you - I obvioulsy don't know how old you are - but monogamy is a fallacy - humans are not monogamous.
if we truly were, you dad would still be with the first love of his life, and you'd have a different mother.

or vice versa...

we're conditioned to remain faithful, but we're not monogamous.
Chances are he will go through at least another 10 girlfriends before he settles - and you too, will find a whole host of other guys to have fun with.

it's the way of the world - and there's nothing wrong with that.

The only 'wrong' thing, is that we hurt people, to get what we think we want.

I am aware it takes two people to be in a relationship. My ex and I actually talked about that. But just because he chooses not to be with me now, doesn't mean he may wake up and realize what he gave up later on. Damaged goods? I don't see how that is considered damaged...Obviously if he says, "It didn't work...I want you back" soon after, I'd be confused. But that is something that only time will tell.

August 5, 2012

Thank you! I'm almost certain she tells him what he wants to hear and does what he wants her to do. We had developed a life outside of each other. We both have separate jobs and go to school, but we still made time for each other on the weekends or if we had a day off. The fact that they work together seems they will see each other ALL the time. I am 22. Yes, I know I'm young and there are plenty of other fish in the sea, but I really do love this guy. If I didn't I would've easily moved on. I should state that he is turning 25 next month. The new girl is 19. Like I said, I don't worry too much about her.

Well from what you said it just seems like your ex bf has a lot of growing up to do. 19? Girl with a high school mentally is trouble. I think your bf just misses that craziness that goes on when your young and single. Like you said earlier, she basically told him what he wanted to hear. It might also be possible that he thought you both didn't see each other so was like, "Hey, I want someone that I can see everyday and I'll be able to do that with this girl who wants me so bad, who would break up with her ex just to be with me, and crazy as hell"

He's in La La land right now...living in a fantasy world but that's all it is and will soon feel like the dumbest person on the planet once he realizes what he's done. You sound like a very nice girl and just hate how some guys throw something so good away just because of their selfishness.

I remember I had this one 18 year old co-worker try to get with me for the longest. This was last year actually when I was 28 and I remember thinking to myself, why the hell would I ruin my relationship just to have a little fun? I can have that same fun with my girlfriend. That's why there's needs to be spontaneity in a relationship. Go out and do things out of the ordinary, just keep the relationship fresh. Your ex bf might have just gotten bored after 4 + years in a relationship that seemed to have the same routine. I don't condone what he did but this is usually one of the reasons why a girl or a guy breaks off a relationship.

August 5, 2012

Well from what you said it just seems like your ex bf has a lot of growing up to do. 19? Girl with a high school mentally is trouble. I think your bf just misses that craziness that goes on when your young and single. Like you said earlier, she basically told him what he wanted to hear. It might also be possible that he thought you both didn't see each other so was like, "Hey, I want someone that I can see everyday and I'll be able to do that with this girl who wants me so bad, who would break up with her ex just to be with me, and crazy as hell"

He's in La La land right now...living in a fantasy world but that's all it is and will soon feel like the dumbest person on the planet once he realizes what he's done. You sound like a very nice girl and just hate how some guys throw something so good away just because of their selfishness.

I remember I had this one 18 year old co-worker try to get with me for the longest. This was last year actually when I was 28 and I remember thinking to myself, why the hell would I ruin my relationship just to have a little fun? I can have that same fun with my girlfriend. That's why there's needs to be spontaneity in a relationship. Go out and do things out of the ordinary, just keep the relationship fresh. Your ex bf might have just gotten bored after 4 + years in a relationship that seemed to have the same routine. I don't condone what he did but this is usually one of the reasons why a girl or a guy breaks off a relationship.

You know, of all the people giving me advice, you seem to get it the most. I will admit, I have told him before he is immature for his age. He is 24, 25 next month and still trying to finish college. He works a part time job and lives at home with his mom, where she does everything for him. He used to tell me that I motivated him to finish school, and now that he is so close to finishing I won't be there. We actually go to the same school, and carpooled together, so its not that we didn't see each other enough. I don't believe a couple needs to spend every waking hour together. If we did, I would probably be 100 times worse than I am right now.

I do feel like he wanted excitement again, which I wanted as well. After 4 1/2 years, it did get pretty routine and boring at times, but we did on occasion do fun things. I wanted to talk to him and help him realize that we can make things work, but before I could convince him, the girl seemed to have already gotten to him. I was not going to beg him, so I just let it be. Towards the end of the relationship, he made it seem like if I wanted to see him, I needed to go to the gym when he was there. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't, but it wasn't because I didn't want to see him. I just feel like he exaggerated on a lot of things, and instead of trying to work things out, he took the easy way out. He is finding excitement now, but I still know him better than anyone else, and he does not like needy girls. He also told me before we split that he feels like he is going through some kind of phase and he doesn't know what it is. He described it as some kind of "mid-life crisis." His dad actually left his mom a year ago and immediately started dating someone. To me, it seems he thinks what he is doing is justified because he saw his dad do it. We used to joke around about his dad saying he was just going through a mid-life crisis.

I do think he wil realize what a bad reputation he has gotten from all of this. I should also say, he can't cut off communication with me completely. We co-signed for hockey season tickets, in which I get half of the tickets.

August 5, 2012

Don't take offense on what I'm about to say but your ex bf is a selfish bastard. You said it best about him always wanting to take the easy route. Living with his mom and doing everything for him? I'm not even sure if you should be with someone who can't even motivate themselves. He's sound like the needy type which is why he dumped you to be with this girl. She offered him attention..something that you couldn't really give because of work and school and accepted because he was too dam lazy to try to fix your relationship. The more you talk about him the more I'm starting to hate him I don't even think he's worthy of you.

He'll be lucky to get a second chance with you.

I know this is irrelevant to this topic but are where you talking about nhl hockey tickets? I'm a big fan!

August 5, 2012

No sweetheart, unfortunately we've been round the block a few times and had an overdose of reality - up to our necks.

I'm married, and have been a member for a long time. You won't find a huge amount from me about my R, because actually, there's little I can say.... but I've seen so much heartbreak here - but an awful lot of people have become stronger, more positive and more 'empowered' because of their experiences.
I've made a lot of really good friends on this forum - and shared experiences really bind folks together.

I tried telling her this EXACT same thing. It doesn't get through. I've seen it, it's happened to me, and it's clearly what's going on here, but if she doesn't want to see what reality is, then it doesn't matter. She needs to learn it and experience it for herself. Those who are still in love are always still of hope, and full of denial... they don't want to see what is clearly right in front of them. It'll come in time though.

Car10e--- it's not negativity. It's reality. Like she said. I also pulled the "you don't know us personally!" card when I was telling my story. Listen, I know everyone likes to think they're special, and unique, and different than everyone else... but on a human level we all have the EXACT same basic set of behaviors. And it's seen here time and time again. Your ex is no saint. Your ex is not special. Your ex is a red-blooded male. You think you knew everything there was to know about him... believe me, even after almost 4.5 years, you don't know all there is to know... b/c look at this situation... he just shocked the hell out of you.

Edited August 5, 2012 by KatZee

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