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Divorce is coming - and he thinks he won't have to pay alimony...

pinkbutterfly

By pinkbutterfly
in Separation and Divorce

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pinkbutterfly New Member

pinkbutterfly

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Married for almost 12 years...I have been a stay at home mom for over 10 of those years (the LAST 10)...I left because he's a controlling, manipulative man who has a pornography addiction and a temper, and has done some pretty horrible things.

 

So...I talked to him tonight (we have two kids who are with me). He thinks because I left him and he has no choice in the matter of me leaving that he should not have to pay alimony.

 

Yes, at one time I had an affair, but he knew about it, forgave me and we moved on. The leaving had nothing to do with the affair.

 

He is currently unemployed, but I'm thinking I should be seeing even a little of that unemployment money...but I'm not.

 

He doesn't have money to give me for child support, but thankfully I got onto foodstamps for me and the boys. I am in school working on my Master's degree, but haven't worked in forever, so hopefully when I finish my degree (in counseling) I will be able to make some decent money.

 

Anyway, I am guessing I will probably need a lawyer of some sort...but I have NO money for it. I barely have money for rent and stuff. Which of course he says is all my fault because I left him. But whatever.

 

I no longer want to kill myself -- for so long I thought that because I am a Christian -- I have to stay until "death do us part" -- so the thought was -- well either I stay or I die. Until a month and a half ago, I realized that I DO have the choice and I do NOT have to stay.

 

Everyone says that they notice a difference in me, I'm happier, more alive...dark circles are gone. But the biggest thing is that the suicidal thoughts are GONE.

 

Anyway...I guess I'm just venting, frustrated, tired...and I am not going to answer my phone to him at all the rest of this weekend.

DuckSoup Established Member

DuckSoup

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If he's unemployed, what makes you think a judge won't order you to pay alimony to him?

 

Maybe he should stay home and take care of the children and you should go out and work full time, paying the bulk of the child support and alimony.

 

But then I believe in equality between the sexes, maybe you don't?

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pinkbutterfly New Member

pinkbutterfly

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If he's unemployed, what makes you think a judge won't order you to pay alimony to him?

 

Maybe he should stay home and take care of the children and you should go out and work full time, paying the bulk of the child support and alimony.

 

But then I believe in equality between the sexes, maybe you don't?

 

well it's going to take me a couple of years to get skills to get a good job...remember I've been a stay at home...he's had a military career. I'm working on it to get to a point where I can be self-sufficient. He's been sitting on his ass for the last 6 months collecting unemployment because he doesn't want to work. I don't WANT to need money from him. But I do need it...at this point in my life.

DuckSoup Established Member

DuckSoup

Posted
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How is he going to pay you alimony if he's unemployed?

 

I think you (and your husband) are both in for a very rude shock when you get in front of a judge.

 

NEITHER of you is working. That just isn't going to fly. The judge most likely is going to tell BOTH of you to get a job. The judge is NOT likely to tell you that you can content yourself with out getting a job for another couple of years. Even if you can't get what you think is a "good job." You might even have to drop out of school for a while.

 

Both you and your husband sound irresponsible and ridiculous.

 

The taxpayers don't want to support you while you get your education, that's on you. People like you and your husband get married, have kids, decide you hate each other or cheat on each other--and it sounds like you cheated, he forgave you, but then you left him anyway--you don't think those facts are going to "count" with a judge? You're dreaming!

 

It's a bunch of nonsense. You're both terribly irresponsible people. Put your books down and GET A JOB. If your husband were posting I'd tell him to get off his butt and do exactly the same thing.

Edited by DuckSoup
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DuckSoup Established Member

DuckSoup

Posted
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thankfully I got onto foodstamps for me and the boys. I am in school working on my Master's degree, but haven't worked in forever, so hopefully when I finish my degree (in counseling) I will be able to make some decent money.

 

Anyway, I am guessing I will probably need a lawyer of some sort...but I have NO money for it. I barely have money for rent and stuff. Which of course he says is all my fault because I left him. But whatever.

 

Not "whatever." You DID leave him. You obviously had no coherent plan in place for supporting yourself adequately when you decided to leave him.

M30USA Established Member

M30USA

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I noticed you amplified his porn problem while downplaying your own actual affair. This suggests to me that you might not have a good persective on your situation.

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DuckSoup Established Member

DuckSoup

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I noticed you amplified his porn problem while downplaying your own actual affair. This suggests to me that you might not have a good persective on your situation.

 

 

I left because he's a controlling, manipulative man who has a pornography addiction and a temper, and has done some pretty horrible things.

 

Yes, and her husband was so "controlling" that he controlled her right into having an affair, and then after he forgave her, he controlled her into leaving the marriage anyway.

2sure Established Member

2sure

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In most states if you qualify for food stamps you will qualify for legal aid, so that you can file for divorce. at the same time that you do that..as in immediately, you will be able to file for child support. You can get that before the divorce is finalized as long as you continue to verify you live apart. Child support will be automatically deducted from his unemployment. However, if you are receiving other aid from the state, there may be some money deducted from the child support before it is sent to you. the amount of child support you will receive will be based on income only since there isn't much on either side.You won't get alimony unless he has major savings or assets.

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dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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Are you from Canada?

 

This story sounds very familiar...

thomasb Established Member

thomasb

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Oh, this is too funny! You are on food stamps, he is unemployed and you think there will be alimony awarded to you! Entertaining post anyway.

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Els Established Member

Els

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I noticed you amplified his porn problem while downplaying your own actual affair. This suggests to me that you might not have a good persective on your situation.

 

First time I've agreed with M30USA. :p

 

I do think you should file for child support. Children have two parents and no matter what happened between the two, they should not be made to suffer for it.

 

Not sure if you can get alimony based on the law where you live, but IMO you sure as hell don't deserve it.

Gunny376 Established Member

Gunny376

Posted
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al·i·mo·ny

 

noun \ˈa-lə-ˌmō-nē\

pluralal·i·mo·nies

 

 

 

Definition of ALIMONY

 

1: The Screwing you get for the screwing you got! :eek::laugh::D

dinosaur Member

dinosaur

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I'm not sure you will be able to get alimony given that he doesn't have a job, but if you have custody of the children you do deserve child support.

 

Either way, good riddance of that loser and try to look at the light at the end of the tunnel.

reboot Established Member

reboot

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When you get in front of a judge, the only thing he's going to care about is the welfare of your children. You and your husband should both prepare for a colossal reaming. Don't even bother giving him the sob stories you've shared here, he won't care.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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In our jurisdiction, you'd qualify for self-help and filing fee waivers. The self-help desk can assist with the procedures (they do not give legal advice) and filing for fee waivers, which can get your initial filing in for essentially free. Here, in that filing, the petitioner makes or can make motions to the court for aspects such as child support, temporary support and/or spousal support. Once filed, the respondent is served and, if they wish to respond, have 30 days post-service to do so in official form. After that, if no response, the petitioner can file for a default judgment and the court will rule on the original petition.

 

You can, in most jurisdictions, get procedural information online or at the courthouse/family law center (we now have such a center which is not in the courthouse). Get educated and then decide what next steps are.

 

Be aware that getting a legal judgment is just one aspect of the process. You have to then collect on it. If the respondent is uncooperative, well, it's not going to be easy. It all depends upon who cares the least. Good luck.

SouthernDamsel Member

SouthernDamsel

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There may be free or low cost legal aid (depending on income, assets) listed as "pro bono" in your area. Look into it. Good luck to you and your boys.

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