Mount Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I read through all posts that OWs being heart broken, or emotions are at limo, so just wondering what is the benefit that involving with MM. As for me, as I mentioned many times I work with MM, and he helped me a lot through work thus I gues the feeling was developed from there. Again, if thinking outside of box, not talking purely emotion here, of course the MM wants me continuing having him in my life (that he just stated yesterday anyway), I think from my end the benefit (again, exclu emotion here), the benefit for me keeping him is to help myself career-wise. It does sound selfish, but aren't those MMs being selfish as well to have the outside marriage relationship with OWs. Your perspective?
alexandria35 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I read through all posts that OWs being heart broken, or emotions are at limo, so just wondering what is the benefit that involving with MM. As for me, as I mentioned many times I work with MM, and he helped me a lot through work thus I gues the feeling was developed from there. Again, if thinking outside of box, not talking purely emotion here, of course the MM wants me continuing having him in my life (that he just stated yesterday anyway), I think from my end the benefit (again, exclu emotion here), the benefit for me keeping him is to help myself career-wise. It does sound selfish, but aren't those MMs being selfish as well to have the outside marriage relationship with OWs. Your perspective? So you went ahead and had your usual Friday date with him? He might seem beneficial to yor career as long as your relationship is secret. If it's discovered that you carried on an affair as a means to better job opportunities, your reputation will be mud. Is this how you really want to succeed in your career? You want to sleep your way to the top? 1
Author Mount Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 No, not exactly.....I just thought I read TOO MUCH OWs' POOR ME post, being victim-wise. Why don't all OWs take the goods ONLY from the MMs, again those old saying only you protect yourself...etc. All the MMs take the goods (sex...whatever) from those poor women (OWs), then leave those OWs being devastated. You are going to look for anyway you can to keep him in your life and you are going to look for what looks like a reasonable excuse to do so.
melindalea Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Karma is real, you will reap what you sow...There may be no emotions here for you, but if the wife found out how hurtful will this be? Think about this....One day a man will come into your life that you will have emotions for and i can almost guarantee you that karma will hit you in the ass and you will be done and hurt the same way...so if you want happiness and good things in life then do right things even when no one knows but you Edited August 7, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed bold
Author Mount Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 I know my original post/statement sounds extreme, but I just want to let all the OWs think from different angles, then it might make them feel better. 1
MissBee Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I read through all posts that OWs being heart broken, or emotions are at limo, so just wondering what is the benefit that involving with MM. As for me, as I mentioned many times I work with MM, and he helped me a lot through work thus I gues the feeling was developed from there. Again, if thinking outside of box, not talking purely emotion here, of course the MM wants me continuing having him in my life (that he just stated yesterday anyway), I think from my end the benefit (again, exclu emotion here), the benefit for me keeping him is to help myself career-wise. It does sound selfish, but aren't those MMs being selfish as well to have the outside marriage relationship with OWs. Your perspective? I don't think that benefit is because he's a MM.... Unless that's not what your topic is about. But I read it as asking about what benefits does one get from being with a man who is married, where his status as married adds some special benefit you couldn't get otherwise if they were single. Unless you were asking something else?
Author Mount Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Believe me, I do invest my emotion a lot to the MM as well, but again even in the middle of the A, I just try to keep myself clear-headed. That is all. Again, I recognize what your intent is...it just seems an odd way to achieve that goal....that's all.
Author Mount Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Yes, what I all want to say is that, after reading through all the OWs' post that they are devastated, lost, depressed that the MM not leaving marriage...etc, in order for the OWs regaining the conciousness, why not think if they got any benefit from the relationship with the MMs (or xMMs). Will this cheer them (OWs) up a bit? I don't think that benefit is because he's a MM.... Unless that's not what your topic is about. But I read it as asking about what benefits does one get from being with a man who is married, where his status as married adds some special benefit you couldn't get otherwise if they were single. Unless you were asking something else?
Stellar Wench Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I have had many mentors and people who lent their experience and connections to help advance my career. I never once felt compelled to sleep with any of them. I don't know what profession you are in, but for many careers, character counts. 2
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 It is still worth all the advice and support he gave me, not to mention the love, but now I have so many emotional wounds and fears that my career will endtip damaged because of his insecure wife. But you had an affair with her husband, right? How did this become her fault? She found out about your affair with her husband..Part of the consquences of having an affair is accepting the fallout and owning your part in it all. She had every right to tell anybody she wanted to, especially since the A took place at work. I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't already, but soon, contact your husband and let him know you had an affair with her husband. You did this to yourself, not his wife. Sorry to be blunt but when ones chooses the affair path, everybody gets hurt! Like it or not, the fallout is huge and your choices have led you to what is going on now professionally and personally. 4
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 No, not exactly.....I just thought I read TOO MUCH OWs' POOR ME post, being victim-wise. Why don't all OWs take the goods ONLY from the MMs, again those old saying only you protect yourself...etc. All the MMs take the goods (sex...whatever) from those poor women (OWs), then leave those OWs being devastated. Because most women are not good at separating love and sex, keeping emotions out of it. Mount, that's not you. DO you really want to use this MM to further yourself careerwise? Or use him for your own benefit just because you can? I'm not sure what the shift is from you originally wanting to end/slow things down.. To now keeping the A going but staying detached and keep your heart out of it. I know you're scared to let go and try life without him in it..But will you truly be OK and happy with this affair still on going but trying it in a different way?
MissBee Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 But you had an affair with her husband, right? How did this become her fault? She found out about your affair with her husband..Part of the consquences of having an affair is accepting the fallout and owning your part in it all. She had every right to tell anybody she wanted to, especially since the A took place at work. I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't already, but soon, contact your husband and let him know you had an affair with her husband. You did this to yourself, not his wife. Sorry to be blunt but when ones chooses the affair path, everybody gets hurt! Like it or not, the fallout is huge and your choices have led you to what is going on now professionally and personally. Ditto. I think when one makes the decision to embark upon an A, one has to mentally and emotionally prepare for the fall out and worst case scenario, should they occur.It's naive to get into an A then act completely shocked and upset when one of the logical outcomes takes place.... It may suck but shouldn't be a surprise, neither should the blame be shifted to someone who did not force or aid you in doing it. It's all on you and maybe secondly on your MP. 1
MissBee Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Yes, what I all want to say is that, after reading through all the OWs' post that they are devastated, lost, depressed that the MM not leaving marriage...etc, in order for the OWs regaining the conciousness, why not think if they got any benefit from the relationship with the MMs (or xMMs). Will this cheer them (OWs) up a bit? What you explained is different from what I said...but in any case, now I get what you're saying. I think with any situation one can learn from it and may see a silver lining or some good in it. I don't know about regaining consciousness , but I think the best bet is to focus on why it was a bad idea and look at where it went wrong, then embrace the good, if there's any later. For me personally, I find that looking at the bad or the mistakes first helps me to move forward more so than trying to cheer myself up about the good. 1
Author Mount Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Alright, after yesterday's meet/date (or whatever you guys called), the MM slipped out what he really thought about - is that he wants to keep me (capture me) in his life, basically he wants to enjoy me I suppose :(. Meantime I like to have relationship with him as well, of course, careerwise he would help me a lot (I suppose people at work notice ALREADY). Guess it is what it is right now. Because most women are not good at separating love and sex, keeping emotions out of it. Mount, that's not you. DO you really want to use this MM to further yourself careerwise? Or use him for your own benefit just because you can? I'm not sure what the shift is from you originally wanting to end/slow things down.. To now keeping the A going but staying detached and keep your heart out of it. I know you're scared to let go and try life without him in it..But will you truly be OK and happy with this affair still on going but trying it in a different way?
MissBee Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 In terms of maturity and in terms of priorities...one should probably not get into affairs on the job. Simple. When you do, then anything is liable. You don't get to cross someone and then be mad that they don't try to protect you or aren't "mature" about it ....you don't. All's fair in love and war they say...so hey. 1
Author Mount Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 How's weekend meals making so far, out of ordinary I made some summer dishes this afternoon :p:p:p I'll thread jack you, Mount!
mercy Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 How's weekend meals making so far, out of ordinary I made some summer dishes this afternoon :p:p:p Yummy as usual! I'm vegan and eat raw. Mount just think hard about what you are doing. Ok? I really must say lass I don't think this is the real you. Do you?
2sure Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 When I was OW I was comfortable with the restrictions of dating a MM as long as he made it up to me in the ways that were available to him. We both understood he would not be with me on holidays or most weekends, but he still wanted an exclusive relationship with me, so to show he cared he would do what he could. Most relationships are give and take. I was comfortable with MM paying off my education, taking me on vacations when he could, buying my car, things like that. Like any relationship, it has to work for both. In an affair, you each do what you can to make the others life happier or easier. In hindsight, I regret that I became involved with a MM..but I'm glad I walked away better off financially.
whichwayisup Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Alright, after yesterday's meet/date (or whatever you guys called), the MM slipped out what he really thought about - is that he wants to keep me (capture me) in his life, basically he wants to enjoy me I suppose :(. Meantime I like to have relationship with him as well, of course, careerwise he would help me a lot (I suppose people at work notice ALREADY). Guess it is what it is right now. If people find out at work and you get promoted, everybody will think you slept your way up to the top. etc..etc.. You know the gossip has already started. You're better than that Mount! I adore you and I can't stand that you're letting him use you like this. And he is..For his own use/pleasure. Selfishly. He comes first, and wants you when he wants you. On his terms and time frame not yours. 1
Author Mount Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 WWI, I adore you too:bunny::bunny: Do believe me in my mind I knew all this, but guess right now since I still have feeling towards him (likeness or love), that is why I have not pulled myself away from him yet (mean NC...etc). If people find out at work and you get promoted, everybody will think you slept your way up to the top. etc..etc.. You know the gossip has already started. You're better than that Mount! I adore you and I can't stand that you're letting him use you like this. And he is..For his own use/pleasure. Selfishly. He comes first, and wants you when he wants you. On his terms and time frame not yours.
whichwayisup Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I believe once he hurts you more and you ride that rollercoaster a bit longer, you'll realize how he makes you feel isn't worth it. You'll find the strength and courage to say ENOUGH and end it, go NC. Of course it's up to you if/when that happens, but from reading what you've said so far, you're not happy a lot of the time with how things are and it's affecting you on so many levels. The good may be good at times, but the bad is BAD and lasts much longer than the good. That's when one needs to exit and run.
Author Mount Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 Thanks WWI....after reading a few new posts here by OWs...I have to say that this is crazy, abnormal...their lives turning to be drama, destructive....those bankrupcy, bad credit score....To be honest, I threw away my EX immediately a couple years ago when finding out he was financially destructive and having BAD financial score/history coz it would impact me. Our lives are linked by each chain/dot, everyday our throughts/decision, actions are leading to each dot, eventually it is where we are right now, then it would be our destiny. Again, I try to be SELFISH for myself, want to take care myself, only getting goodness from others or MM... We have to be this way to live decently. I believe once he hurts you more and you ride that rollercoaster a bit longer, you'll realize how he makes you feel isn't worth it. You'll find the strength and courage to say ENOUGH and end it, go NC. Of course it's up to you if/when that happens, but from reading what you've said so far, you're not happy a lot of the time with how things are and it's affecting you on so many levels. The good may be good at times, but the bad is BAD and lasts much longer than the good. That's when one needs to exit and run.
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