SpiralOut Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) This has happened a few times this summer and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Men who are complete strangers will ask me how I am while I am walking down the sidewalk. Sometimes they'll call me beautiful. Sometimes they'll give me the up-and-down stare. Normally I'll just ignore them, or will say "fine" and keep walking. They normally react to that by insulting me or laughing, like oh look at that snob. I don't know who you are. This is a street where lots of drunk people hang out. Seriously, it's not a great street. I live alone. I am just trying to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be a bitch but really, I don't feel like talking to these guys. It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. it feels like catcalls. On the other hand, if someone approached me inside a store where I'm shopping, or something like that, I would be more okay with it. So it's not like I'm a totally unfriendly person. What is a proper way to deal with this? I sometimes feel tempted to just say **** off. Edited August 4, 2012 by SpiralOut
freestyle Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Start weaving back and forth as you walk, and have a loud argument with someone that only YOU can see. The predators WILL back off, if you look crazy enough. 4
jeffmeyers Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 This has happened a few times this summer and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Men who are complete strangers will ask me how I am while I am walking down the sidewalk. Sometimes they'll call me beautiful. Sometimes they'll give me the up-and-down stare. Normally I'll just ignore them, or will say "fine" and keep walking. They normally react to that by insulting me or laughing, like oh look at that snob. I don't know who you are. This is a street where lots of drunk people hang out. Seriously, it's not a great street. I live alone. I am just trying to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be a bitch but really, I don't feel like talking to these guys. It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. it feels like catcalls. You'll get no argument from me on this. But as a man, maybe I can bring up a side issue to this. In evenings or late at night, I can come from work or from some other place, walking home at some point. The tricky thing is when a woman is in front of me. It often happens she will get scared or concerned, increase her pace or look behind her. Then I know I probably have to slow down, cross the street or take a detour just for the sake of a spooked stranger. Yeah, those are the times we live in, but it's still annoying.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. Sadly enough, it is not "creepy" (you and others surely use that term way too much), for if some suave guy who struck your fancy were to lead-in in the same, direct way, you'd be quite content. However, regarding the last part in quotes, those approaching are giving you a clear insight, and you probably owe it to yourself to take a hint from it and keep moving.
Author SpiralOut Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 Start weaving back and forth as you walk, and have a loud argument with someone that only YOU can see. The predators WILL back off, if you look crazy enough. Hahaha. Maybe I'll try that. Or I"ll start using my iPod and just sing out loud. lol You'll get no argument from me on this. But as a man, maybe I can bring up a side issue to this. In evenings or late at night, I can come from work or from some other place, walking home at some point. The tricky thing is when a woman is in front of me. It often happens she will get scared or concerned, increase her pace or look behind her. Then I know I probably have to slow down, cross the street or take a detour just for the sake of a spooked stranger. Yeah, those are the times we live in, but it's still annoying. Mm yes I see what you mean. It's too bad that all the creepy guys ruin it for the good guys. Sadly enough, it is not "creepy" (you and others surely use that term way too much), for if some suave guy who struck your fancy were to lead-in in the same, direct way, you'd be quite content. Umm. No. You don't seriously believe that it's okay to cat-call a woman you don't know on the street, do you? I really hope for your sake that you don't think that.
Radu Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Start weaving back and forth as you walk, and have a loud argument with someone that only YOU can see. The predators WILL back off, if you look crazy enough. If this doesn't work, i highly suggest you print out the OP and put it on your clothes, front and back.
dropdeadredtx Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 It's only creepy if you don't find them attractive. How dare they think you might be interested in them! The very idea! Walk quickly and confidently, ignore the cat-calls and whistles, say thank you if someone calls you beautiful, it's just good manners. This homeless guy yells 'Good morning, beautiful' every day as I walk past his park on my way to work. I smile and say 'good morning' or 'thank you'. I'm not going to date him, but I can still be polite. The day I STOP getting attention on the street is the day I will start to worry. 4
spiderowl Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 This used to happen to me a lot too, I guess it happens to all women. It used to scare me as I didn't know what they wanted. I thought they were trying to sell me something sometimes, but I guess they just wanted to make themselves known. I ignored them or just gave a minimal response and walked on. I tried to avoid any guy in the street who even looked like he might approach me. I was quite paranoid about it. I didn't see myself as attractive - still don't - so I was always suspicious of these guys' motives. Looking back, I think some of those guys were genuine and just wanted a chance to get to know me. Yes, some were probably predators or weirdos too. I feel sorry for the genuine guys. For them it might have been their 'James Blunt moment' and their only chance to make contact with someone who caught their eye for some reason. 1
bentnotbroken Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 This has happened a few times this summer and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Men who are complete strangers will ask me how I am while I am walking down the sidewalk. Sometimes they'll call me beautiful. Sometimes they'll give me the up-and-down stare. Normally I'll just ignore them, or will say "fine" and keep walking. They normally react to that by insulting me or laughing, like oh look at that snob. I don't know who you are. This is a street where lots of drunk people hang out. Seriously, it's not a great street. I live alone. I am just trying to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be a bitch but really, I don't feel like talking to these guys. It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. it feels like catcalls. On the other hand, if someone approached me inside a store where I'm shopping, or something like that, I would be more okay with it. So it's not like I'm a totally unfriendly person. What is a proper way to deal with this? I sometimes feel tempted to just say **** off. I use to say just that "f" off. That was just fuel for the ones looking for an ego boost. So I started answering their questions. When one asked how I was doing, I replied wonderful that God's blessings are so many I can't count them all. Then I ask them if they know Jesus. That usually sends them in the other direction pretty quickly. But I did read a study about this very thing. It is called Talking City Trouble: Interactional Vandalism, Social Inequality, and the "Urban Interaction Problem" by Mitchell Duneier and Harvy Molotch (1999). 5
Shaun-Dro Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 This has happened a few times this summer and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Men who are complete strangers will ask me how I am while I am walking down the sidewalk. Sometimes they'll call me beautiful. Sometimes they'll give me the up-and-down stare. Normally I'll just ignore them, or will say "fine" and keep walking. They normally react to that by insulting me or laughing, like oh look at that snob. I don't know who you are. This is a street where lots of drunk people hang out. Seriously, it's not a great street. I live alone. I am just trying to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be a bitch but really, I don't feel like talking to these guys. It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. it feels like catcalls. On the other hand, if someone approached me inside a store where I'm shopping, or something like that, I would be more okay with it. So it's not like I'm a totally unfriendly person. What is a proper way to deal with this? I sometimes feel tempted to just say **** off. Are you serious? You're whining about guys appreciating your so-called beauty? It will never cease to amaze me the amount of ungrateful women we have running around these boards.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Umm. No. You don't seriously believe that it's okay to cat-call a woman you don't know on the street, do you? I really hope for your sake that you don't think that. Are you, uh, a bit challenged upstairs??? There is no reference to "cat-calling" in the OP.
Taramere Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) This has happened a few times this summer and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Men who are complete strangers will ask me how I am while I am walking down the sidewalk. Sometimes they'll call me beautiful. Sometimes they'll give me the up-and-down stare. Normally I'll just ignore them, or will say "fine" and keep walking. They normally react to that by insulting me or laughing, like oh look at that snob. I don't know who you are. This is a street where lots of drunk people hang out. Seriously, it's not a great street. I live alone. I am just trying to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be a bitch but really, I don't feel like talking to these guys. It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. it feels like catcalls. On the other hand, if someone approached me inside a store where I'm shopping, or something like that, I would be more okay with it. So it's not like I'm a totally unfriendly person. What is a proper way to deal with this? I sometimes feel tempted to just say **** off. Usually when a guy does that where I live, he's drunk, stoned, mentally ill or elderly. Other than at night when all sorts of people are walking down the street drunk and cat-calling eachother (which is why I try to avoid the city at night). I've occasionally been hit on if I've been walking home at night after meeting friends - and that is just plain creepy. People saying hi in a more rural or park environment is something different...but on a city street during the daytime, certainly in my town it's not something most people would do. I do get stopped a lot and asked for directions/the time by visitors....but obviously that's fine. There's one poor individual who has approached me on several occasions. He's only about 19, and he always holds out his wrists in this helpless way asking if I'll do up the cuffs for him. I do up his cuffs (I keep some of those little bottles of hand gel in my bag and use it after he's gone, because he's a bit of a manky little soul) and he chatters on about this and that. In that situation, he's evidently not hitting on me...he just wants some sort of human contact with somebody who will give him the time of day. When you see how it brightens his day that somebody bothers to do that, it's really quite heart-rending. So yeah, I find those situations difficult. Sometimes it really is just a case of somebody going around hitting on women in the street in a foot-in-the-door salesman sort of way...and types like that will take advantage of women who are polite/good natured. Other times, it's a case of a marginalised person trying to feel like part of a community...and snubbing them would be unkind. Edited August 6, 2012 by Taramere 3
Radu Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 (edited) Taramere has a good point, it depends a lot on what the personal boundaries are for the place you live in, and the location where you try this. I did it simply to get dates. PS: I have gotten spit on for cold approaching by the women i approached. Or blown up on, etc ... Edited August 6, 2012 by Radu
Author SpiralOut Posted August 6, 2012 Author Posted August 6, 2012 I use to say just that "f" off. That was just fuel for the ones looking for an ego boost. So I started answering their questions. When one asked how I was doing, I replied wonderful that God's blessings are so many I can't count them all. Then I ask them if they know Jesus. That usually sends them in the other direction pretty quickly. But I did read a study about this very thing. It is called Talking City Trouble: Interactional Vandalism, Social Inequality, and the "Urban Interaction Problem" by Mitchell Duneier and Harvy Molotch (1999). That's a good idea. Maybe I'll try that. I've got pamphlets somewhere that bible people gave to me that I could carry around. And thanks for the reading recommendation, I should look into that . . . What do you do about the ones who don't run off when you start talking about Jesus? Are you, uh, a bit challenged upstairs??? There is no reference to "cat-calling" in the OP. Read more carefully next time. It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. it feels like catcalls. Usually when a guy does that where I live, he's drunk, stoned, mentally ill or elderly. Other than at night when all sorts of people are walking down the street drunk and cat-calling eachother (which is why I try to avoid the city at night). I've occasionally been hit on if I've been walking home at night after meeting friends - and that is just plain creepy. People saying hi in a more rural or park environment is something different...but on a city street during the daytime, certainly in my town it's not something most people would do. I do get stopped a lot and asked for directions/the time by visitors....but obviously that's fine. There's one poor individual who has approached me on several occasions. He's only about 19, and he always holds out his wrists in this helpless way asking if I'll do up the cuffs for him. I do up his cuffs (I keep some of those little bottles of hand gel in my bag and use it after he's gone, because he's a bit of a manky little soul) and he chatters on about this and that. In that situation, he's evidently not hitting on me...he just wants some sort of human contact with somebody who will give him the time of day. When you see how it brightens his day that somebody bothers to do that, it's really quite heart-rending. So yeah, I find those situations difficult. Sometimes it really is just a case of somebody going around hitting on women in the street in a foot-in-the-door salesman sort of way...and types like that will take advantage of women who are polite/good natured. Other times, it's a case of a marginalised person trying to feel like part of a community...and snubbing them would be unkind. Exactly, I don't want to be snubbing someone who doesn't mean any harm. At the same time, I live near an area that is frequented by drunks, drug-users and mentally ill people. I feel safe, but at the same time, don't feel comfortable talking to strangers. That's why I think it's ridiculous for a man to think it's a good idea to try and hit on a woman in an area like this. Most people are fine, but there are some really sketchy people around. I was conned into giving money to someone. It wasn't until afterwards that I remembered seeing that exact same woman telling her same sob story to someone else a couple of weeks ago. The one time I decide to actually stop and talk to someone, I get tricked!! I'm okay with people asking for directions, asking for the time. Stuff like that. Or sometimes people will talk to me when they see me with my camera, which is okay. I saw a woman walking down the street with huge headphones on her head. Maybe I should try that. I bet nobody bothered her!
serial muse Posted August 6, 2012 Posted August 6, 2012 Yeah, I really don't like catcalls. Been living in big cities for my entire adult life, and I walk and bike A LOT (you haven't lived until you've had guys shouting shxt at you about your form on a bike! OMGyay!). So I honestly feel that I've had my share of trying to deal with it in assorted ways, ranging from "thanks" to "no thanks" to "f off" to "pretend I'm blind and deaf". And that is why I now LOVE my ipod when I'm walking around. Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love it. Do I think I'm special because some random stranger honors me by propositioning me on the street or making kissy noises at me? No I do not. So do I feel that I am missing out of one of life's great blessings by not hearing that crap anymore? No I do not. So, my advice, OP: Tune it out! It's amazing how much nicer a walk around the city can be while listening to music or an awesome funny podcast. Screw that noise. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Read more carefully next time. You might want to take a course in logic, or something. The OP clearly grouped her experiences together in a set exclusive of cat-calls at the point when she stated: "It feels like cat-calls". There was no mention of cat-calls in the OP's experience.
TheWatcher Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 This has happened a few times this summer and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Men who are complete strangers will ask me how I am while I am walking down the sidewalk. Sometimes they'll call me beautiful. Sometimes they'll give me the up-and-down stare. Normally I'll just ignore them, or will say "fine" and keep walking. They normally react to that by insulting me or laughing, like oh look at that snob. I don't know who you are. This is a street where lots of drunk people hang out. Seriously, it's not a great street. I live alone. I am just trying to get from point A to point B. I don't want to be a bitch but really, I don't feel like talking to these guys. It just feels creepy. Furthermore, they must be really stupid if they seriously expect a woman to be happy with their advances. it feels like catcalls. On the other hand, if someone approached me inside a store where I'm shopping, or something like that, I would be more okay with it. So it's not like I'm a totally unfriendly person. What is a proper way to deal with this? I sometimes feel tempted to just say **** off. Sorry to hear about the hard time that some men have been giving you. It must not be fun to made to feel uncomfortable just walking down the street. Maybe you could adopt a really strong B*tch-Face (or B*tch Shield as some call it ). A really stern.unfriendly straight-ahead look that conveys disgust/revulsion.A look that says if you even dare try to engage me you'll be embarrassed/humiliated like you never have before in your miserable life. Also, a lot of women wear headphones to help deter men from approaching and trying to spark a conversation. Keep in mind that all of this is temporary..you find as you get older you'll encounter this sort of thing less & less until eventually it stops happening altogether. Good luck 1
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 Yeah, I really don't like catcalls. Been living in big cities for my entire adult life, and I walk and bike A LOT (you haven't lived until you've had guys shouting shxt at you about your form on a bike! OMGyay!). So I honestly feel that I've had my share of trying to deal with it in assorted ways, ranging from "thanks" to "no thanks" to "f off" to "pretend I'm blind and deaf". And that is why I now LOVE my ipod when I'm walking around. Love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love it. Do I think I'm special because some random stranger honors me by propositioning me on the street or making kissy noises at me? No I do not. So do I feel that I am missing out of one of life's great blessings by not hearing that crap anymore? No I do not. So, my advice, OP: Tune it out! It's amazing how much nicer a walk around the city can be while listening to music or an awesome funny podcast. Screw that noise. I can still bump into you. I can still ask you things when picking up groceries. I can still interact with you when you buy other stuff. I can still pretend that i'm lost and in need of directions.
serial muse Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 (edited) I can still bump into you. I can still ask you things when picking up groceries. I can still interact with you when you buy other stuff. I can still pretend that i'm lost and in need of directions. What does any of that have to do with catcalls? This isn't about someone approaching you in the grocery store. And "bumping into me" on the street would be a much bigger problem, let me tell you. The OP talked about getting eyed up and down and catcalled on the street. I don't know why guys on here get defensive when they learn that women don't like this crap. But this has nothing to do with women not being receptive to being picked up in a bar or a grocery store, and it's not about women making it hard for Average Guy to get a date. It's not personal at all. It's just harassing for the sake of harassing, and it sucks. Why is this so hard to understand? Edited August 7, 2012 by serial muse 1
Radu Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 With the initial OP, not so much, with the thread as it developed ... a lot.
serial muse Posted August 7, 2012 Posted August 7, 2012 With the initial OP, not so much, with the thread as it developed ... a lot. Not really...the topic is catcalling. Almost all of the responses are also on that topic (as they should be).
Author SpiralOut Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 Thank you to everyone who understands... it's good to know that I'm not overreacting. Tonight I wore big headphones with my ipod. I was able to ignore someone who tried talking to me. I was alone at 10:00pm and he wanted to open the door to the bank for me even though he wasn't going in there himself. There was nobody else in there. It's not as if my hands were full. If they were, I would have said thanks and let him do it. I felt scared he would try and follow me inside. I got this weird feeling from him. So I ignored him and didn't feel bad about it because hey, look, I've got bigass headphones on my head. Can't hear you!!
Taramere Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 There will come a point where you'll long for the days when guys used to hit on you. And it'll be sooner than you think. With the odd lucky exception, the male sex drive does tend to reduce with age...which is obviously something that can be a source of stress and disappointment for married women who are still sexed up but find that their husbands aren't as interested in hitting on them as they once were. When sex drive goes downhill - CNN What defines a low libido for an individual is subjective and depends upon many variables, states Richard Kogan, M.D., a psychiatrist in private practice who specializes in the treatment of sexual dysfunction in New York City. Physical and mental health are key factors, and although many men are happy exceptions to the trend, sex drive generally decreases with age. However Viagra and an understanding partner can help greatly with that, Bob. As far as women go, hormonally charged and in their prime twenty something men are generally raring to go with pretty much any woman who is in decent enough shape....so from a female perspective, getting chatted up/pestered/hit on by randy twenty something men is something to be enjoyed/tolerated/suffered (depending on the individual perspective) for a long time. You just have to be polite and nice, but firm Spiral. Avoid eye contact if you're in a dodgy area, and walk purposefully like you know where you're going and have no time to waste in getting there.
Hawaii50 Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 Aigggggh I hate when guys do that to girls... and I'm a guy! I'm the sort of person that outside of an "excuse me" or the day's salutation won't say or do much. I can't I just don't work like that. It drives me nuts to see guys do that, lick their lips, assume that they're some sort of gift.
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