KansasChica Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Hey all, So, as you can see from previous posts, I am still trying to heal from a horrendously messy breakup with the guy I thought was the love of my life. It wasn't until recently (about a month ago) that he definitively told me that he wanted to date others. I've been trying to move on since then. I met a guy who is close friends with another friend of mine, but he lives out of state. He's attractive, super sweet, and hardworking. He is also ready for a committed relationship and able to communicate which are two qualities that my ex lacked. The problem is I just don't feel any spark for him. I don't get giddy when texts or calls- I can't tell if I'm emotionally closed off or just not feeling it. He wants to do long distance and I just don't think I want to go that route. I'm thinking I should casually date for a little while before jumping into something serious. What do you guys think and how should I break this to him?
yongyong Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Because he has the opposite traits of your ex. it's plain and simple. All girls cry about 'my bf abused me, cheated on me blah blah' they end up meeting the same guy and keep blaming on their ex. Obviously you are one of them.
Author KansasChica Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Wow...really? My ex wasn't a terrible person, he was just immature and not ready for a serious relationship. I still FELT a spark with him. Thanks for the constructive advice!
Author KansasChica Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Because he has the opposite traits of your ex. it's plain and simple. All girls cry about 'my bf abused me, cheated on me blah blah' they end up meeting the same guy and keep blaming on their ex. Obviously you are one of them. And obviously you should stop making assumptions.
yongyong Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 hahaha now you are defending him. do you think he gives a damn about you? I kind of guessed your traits but by reading your reply I am 100% sure you are one of those girls. you will meet the same guy over and over because that's what you will choose to do it. Wow...really? My ex wasn't a terrible person, he was just immature and not ready for a serious relationship. I still FELT a spark with him. Thanks for the constructive advice!
Author KansasChica Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 He never treated me cruelly, he was just immature and couldn't communicate. I had my issues too and that's what I'm trying to take what I did wrong and learn from them. This new guy could be a potential, but I don't feel the butterflies for him. You seem to think that people can't change from relationships, which is sad.
morichu Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Probably just gonna have to cut him loose. If he's ready to seriously date, he's not gonna be interested in talking to you anymore if you're not looking for the same thing.
Author KansasChica Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Thanks morichu! I'm thinking that too- I don't want to waste his time and I can't force something that's not there. And I know that long-distance relationships are a lot of work, but there's no real foundation there.
truth_seeker Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 1) If it's not there, no butterflies, no feelings that bring excitement, abandon the idea of dating this guy. I think it would be cool if you told him this in a nice way, ie, let him down easy. 2) I don't know what the percentages are on LDRs working, but I tried it a long time ago, and it was frustrating. If you're planning to be serious with someone I don't see how it can work. In my opinion, LDRs only work if it's something not too serious, and you keep each as an option when nothing else is going on. I know people who had a gf or bf in another state but still dating other people where they live. 1
kaylan Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 You arent into this guy OP. Dont settle. Enjoy dating men you have real feelings for. PS - Ignore the first 2 responders. They are well known women hating bitter trolls who cant land dates. 3
Author KansasChica Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Thanks truth and kaylan! I think you're right. I just wasn't sure how important the initial spark was in the beginning of the relationship. I felt it so strongly with my ex, but it turned out to be an emotional rollercoaster. How about telling this guy the truth? Hmm, I suspect you are needy and cannot tell the truth. If that is the case you are simply using this man and that is dishonorable from your part. I am not using this guy, but I was just trying to give it a chance. He knows about my ex and my breakup, but I'm trying to enter the dating scene again. And again with the assumptions....wow.
Author KansasChica Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 But it's not immediately... it's been 7 months since my breakup.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Honestly I personally take about a month to evaluate spark-potential. It took me three weeks to find it with my husband. I think after you've been through a lot in a relationship, your brain gets weary and it's harder to bond with someone. A lot of times the initial excitement fizzles really fast too. 2
mortensorchid Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 That's rough, you meet someone who is, for all intensive purposes a "good guy / girl", but you just don't feel it. You're not that into him/her, as they say. Why? Well because it just doesn't ... DO it for you. I have been with a few in the past (mostly those I met online) who were good guys, or at least seemed so on the surface. Sometimes when you think to yourself "I'm going to go for quality over quantity", you see that the quality isn't exactly ... Quality. SO if you are not feeling it for this guy, you should just let it slide and move on. 1
The Way I Am Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 But it's not immediately... it's been 7 months since my breakup. If it still bothers you, then you're not ready for a serious relationship yet. Even if you did feel butterflies for this guy, the fact that you're not over your ex and it's long distance are 2 big reasons not to get involved. The fact that you don't feel butterflies is yet another reason. Since this guy is long distance, you can't even date and keep it light to see if it can go anywhere. Tell him you're not interested. 1
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