whoknows11 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Ive been becoming worse since i found out recently my ex is seeing someone else. I was fooled the entire time into beliving we were working on things together. And believed the reason she left that she needs a break from relationships and to work on herself,school and work. And i became her emotional crutch unknowingly. Until she found someone not even a month and a half after we broke up. I found out on my own by seeing a picture of her and him. I figured id be well moved on cause i know the truth and its been a couple weeks. Ive just been plagued with the constant thought of her with someone else now and it just kills me still. It just seems like everyday gets much worse. I seem to be grieving more, becoming much more depressed and miserable than ive ever been. Constantly zoning out. I havent been able to sleep until about 10 am each day, sometimes later. I sleep half the day away. My constant headaches are coming back. I cant enjoy myself at all when im out with friends. Ive been training mma at my gym but havent been doing good recently. Even my instructor told me i seem out of it and am not mentally there or focused at all. Im sluggish lately too. I lost the drive to train anymore. Im just burnt out and out of it. Its hitting me much harder than i thought. As much as i realize its over. That shes happily with someone new now and possibly in love and not coming back, i just cant seem to move forward no matter what i do. Its unreal.Im just not myself anymore. Any advice/similar experiences?
mgce Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Hi whoknows11, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I've definitely been there, and can remember vividly just how intensely painful that time in my life was. I hope my story can offer some solace, although I know it won't help you day to day. When my ex, who I had been dating for five years and who I shared an apartment with, broke up with me, it felt like the worst possible kick in the gut that just wouldn't go away. I couldn't imagine anything worse. And then it got worse: within weeks, even before I had moved out of the apartment, I learned she had got a new boyfriend. And that's when real bitterness and anger and hatred settled into me, and just getting out of bed each day took an incredible act of self resolve. And I refused to speak to her for years. To this day that remains maybe the single worst period of my entire life. But that was years ago, and that hatchet ultimately was completely buried (even though it took a *long* time). Today we're great friends and she has no emotional impact on me anymore. As a casual friend, I have a better relationship with her than I've ever had, and all the pain that that caused is long gone now. It's fantastic now. One day you'll get there too, even though that may be way in the distant future. In the meantime, you might appreciate these things I learned: - That boyfriend my ex got: she grew tired of him and they broke up after a few months. It never was remotely as serious as what she and I had and she never had the attachment with him that she did with me. - She got another boyfriend subsequently. Their relationship lasted a year. That also hurt me incredibly. But (it's funny what time does), eventually they broke up and now he's estranged with her and I'm actually good friends with him. I know him pretty well now and know for a fact that even they never had what she and I had. There were important aspects of *our* relationship that she never could never get out of *that* relationship, no matter how happy I thought they were at the time. Ultimately that relationship was even *more* problematic and unviable than what she and I had. In retrospect, it never remotely challenged the times that she and I had together. - Today she's single and questioning what she even wants out of relationships or if she even knows how to have the right kind of relationship for her. She's confused about the whole thing. I wish her well figuring that out, and will do what I can to help her as a friend. The basic point is that I thought when she found someone new it was the ultimate refutation of me and what she and I had. But the grass was *not* greener on the other side of the fence and she actually went through a lot of time having challenged relationships with people who didn't really work for her, second guessing herself, having more hurt and emotional pain, and basically going through just as much struggle as I was. Even though I never knew it at the time. Being happy in life is still an ongoing project for her. And for years and years I had always imagined, completely incorrectly, that she had just barged on forward in life and never looked back my way. That's the best I can tell you. Your ex *is* with someone new and it *does* suck. But it's nowhere near as awesome and care-free as I know you imagine it is. And I *guarantee* you she doesn't love him. That's impossible in just a few weeks. Whatever she has with him is nowhere near as deep and meaningful as what you and she had. That's just impossible without a lot of time, and with the right person. And the odds that she is with that *right* person, and that her current relationship will last, are frankly low. That doesn't mean she'll ever come back to you, which is the hard part. But what it does mean is that you're *both* going through challenges in your lives. She'll never admit it to you but it's true. And somehow, knowing that fact that you're *both* imperfect human beings and that it's not just a walk in the park for either of you, makes some kind of difference, as you continue taking each day and trying one day to find yourself again. Good luck to you.
Recommended Posts