Marek Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 During the past 3 months I've been on three dates with girls I've met on Plenty of Fish. Before we met in person I was getting all the right signals; these girls would be saying "Why's a nice good-looking guy like you still single?" And "You look like my dream guy." And "You seem too good to be true." I've had one girl send me over 150 text messages in the 1 week prior to meeting her for a date. The dates seemed to go okay. They were talking a lot and seemed interested. However, after the date they just say "It was lovely to meet you," and things to that effect. And that is the last I ever heard from all three of them. No more text messages or messages left on Plenty of Fish after the first date. I figure my looks aren't the problem, as I posted legitimate photos of my looks on POF; it must be my personality, but I don't know where I'm going wrong. Online and via texts I come off as cocky and funny, but I can't convey that persona in real life. I did, however, mention to all these girls before meeting them that I'm shy when first meeting people (especially girls) in person. What can I do? It takes a long time to change your personality, and I'm 28 now and feel as though I'm missing out on a huge part of my relative youth: dating and just general companionship with girls.
melindalea Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 where do you take these girls on your dates? If you are shy and non talkitive n person, try a place just to have fun, a comedy club, bowling, miniture golf, the races. You shouldnt have to change who you are to make someone else happy. Try making it more of a friendly outing then a romantic one until you feel like its ok to take it to that next step..
Author Marek Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 where do you take these girls on your dates? If you are shy and non talkitive n person, try a place just to have fun, a comedy club, bowling, miniture golf, the races. You shouldnt have to change who you are to make someone else happy. Try making it more of a friendly outing then a romantic one until you feel like its ok to take it to that next step.. The first date I had was at the movies and then we grabbed coffee afterwards. The other two dates I took to an upscale bar/restaurant where we had a nice meal. I really don't think it's the venue that's the matter; the problem is ME. In person I must have the personality of a dry sponge, otherwise one of these girls would have wanted a second date. About the bold: maybe it's for the best that I change who I am. Obviously my personality is banal and I should work on at least improving it. However, I don't know how to go about it. Such a thing seems to be a protracted process, as well. Thanks for the advice, though.
darkmoon Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) "They were talking a lot and seemed interested" look pal, drop the i'm shy thing; relying on your date to make all the conversation is unfair and expecting her to do all the work makes for her providing a virtual monologue for the evening - hard work then, cuz it takes two 50/50 just forget who you are and get interested in the girl, get absorbed in what her opinions are Edited August 4, 2012 by darkmoon
Author Marek Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 "They were talking a lot and seemed interested" look pal, drop the i'm shy thing; relying on your date to make all the conversation is unfair and expecting her to do all the work makes for her providing a virtual monologue for the evening - hard work then, cuz it takes two 50/50 just forget who you are and get interested in the girl, get absorbed in what her opinions are I heard women love good listeners, though. Besides, I did do some talking, although I was only talking for a quarter of the time. I have a bad habit of agreeing with girls' opinions even when I actually disagree. I guess I want the girls to think Wow, we have lots in common. I really need to stop kissing butt and chime in with my own 2 cents.
darkmoon Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I heard women love good listeners, though. Besides, I did do some talking, although I was only talking for a quarter of the time. I have a bad habit of agreeing with girls' opinions even when I actually disagree. I guess I want the girls to think Wow, we have lots in common. I really need to stop kissing butt and chime in with my own 2 cents. i hope you soon meet somebody who you have a lot in common with without you trying, it'll happen one day, look at dating's success stories, weddings and all that xx
bobsmith76 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 During the past 3 months I've been on three dates with girls I've met on Plenty of Fish. Before we met in person I was getting all the right signals; these girls would be saying "Why's a nice good-looking guy like you still single?" And "You look like my dream guy." And "You seem too good to be true." I've had one girl send me over 150 text messages in the 1 week prior to meeting her for a date. The dates seemed to go okay. They were talking a lot and seemed interested. However, after the date they just say "It was lovely to meet you," and things to that effect. And that is the last I ever heard from all three of them. No more text messages or messages left on Plenty of Fish after the first date. I figure my looks aren't the problem, as I posted legitimate photos of my looks on POF; it must be my personality, but I don't know where I'm going wrong. Online and via texts I come off as cocky and funny, but I can't convey that persona in real life. I did, however, mention to all these girls before meeting them that I'm shy when first meeting people (especially girls) in person. What can I do? It takes a long time to change your personality, and I'm 28 now and feel as though I'm missing out on a huge part of my relative youth: dating and just general companionship with girls. They're either playing hard to get or they just don't understand what they're doing with their life. They don't know what they want, they don't have a plan, they don't have a goal and if they did they wouldn't go after it. WE'RE MEN!!! It's up to us to go out there and go after these women. Every girl I've had correspondence with has always dropped the ball, left the ball in her court and didn't hit back. I always have to write back and say, hello, still there? Let's get with the picture. You've got to really go after these women before they open their eyes and realize what's going on. Be persistent, women like that. They respond to the men that like them most.
It's Just Me Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 The dates seemed to go okay. They were talking a lot and seemed interested. However, after the date they just say "It was lovely to meet you," and things to that effect. And that is the last I ever heard from all three of them. No more text messages or messages left on Plenty of Fish after the first date. Perhaps they were expecting to hear back from you first? Were you quite clear about enjoying their company and wanting to see them again?
Author Marek Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) They're either playing hard to get or they just don't understand what they're doing with their life. They don't know what they want, they don't have a plan, they don't have a goal and if they did they wouldn't go after it. WE'RE MEN!!! It's up to us to go out there and go after these women. Every girl I've had correspondence with has always dropped the ball, left the ball in her court and didn't hit back. I always have to write back and say, hello, still there? Let's get with the picture. You've got to really go after these women before they open their eyes and realize what's going on. Be persistent, women like that. They respond to the men that like them most. It was abundantly clear to me after the date they wanted nothing further to do with me. I did text them back saying "Thanks for tonight. I enjoyed your company." They never replied. Perhaps they were expecting to hear back from you first? Were you quite clear about enjoying their company and wanting to see them again? They did hear back from me first, via text. I said I enjoyed their company. They never texted back. Bare in mind, that one of these girls sent me over 150 text messages one week prior to meeting her. Then when the date ended and I sent my "thank you" text I didn't get a reply. They were clearly disinterested after the date, and I blame my banal, awkward personality for that. shouldnt have mentioned the shyness. females dont like that. I had to. I couldn't outright lie and say I was gregarious when that wasn't the case. If I said such I thing, they would have picked up early in the date that this isn't the case and that I'm frauding. The problem is I'm witty and cocky online but that's not who I am in person. Edited August 4, 2012 by Marek
Imajerk17 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) I have a few thoughts on this. (1) Do you study any PUA stuff? What makes me suspect that you do is that guys who do often improve their "written" game (text and OLD profiles and emails) faster than they improve how they come across face-to-face. Anyway, see (2) below... I heard women love good listeners, though. Besides, I did do some talking, although I was only talking for a quarter of the time. I have a bad habit of agreeing with girls' opinions even when I actually disagree. I guess I want the girls to think Wow, we have lots in common. I really need to stop kissing butt and chime in with my own 2 cents. (2) What I bolded stood out for me. Agreeing with someone to get them to like you is a huge mistake. Agreeability is NOT attraction. Disagreeing with them and even teasing them a bit probably will build sexual tension. Anyway yes I agree with you that you DO need to stop kissing but and chime in with your own 2 cents. You mention that you are this exciting guy via text. What are you doing in your text conversations you aren't doing face-to-face? (3) In OLD, women, especially young women, are very much about first-date chemistry. A "nice" or even a "good" first date often won't lead to a second date. (Overgeneralization Police: I mean MANY or even MOST young women. I don't mean ALL young women.) I don't think it's the best screening process in the world when it comes to actually finding someone who will make a great boyfriend but it is what it is. Many young women are getting several emails a day so they can be picky that way and still go on bunches of dates. And if she is going on a date a week from OLD, you need to stand out to get a second date. So my point is that (a) it's not that you're totally lame as is you're not standing out enough, and (b) what Bobsmith76 said--a stronger follow-through than what you're doing now would be appropriate. Another phone call saying you want to see them again a day or two later might be what's needed. Edited August 4, 2012 by Imajerk17
proseandpassion Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Obvious: they are waiting for you to initiate the next round of contact. Go get 'em, fella.
SJC2008 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Of these three women did you want second dates with any? If so did you initicate contact with them to follow up and ask for a second date?
yongyong Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Act aloof. treat it like a business deal. that's the best advice I can give you.
turt Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 You need to initiate another date with them. Very few will start talking to you otherwise (even if they like you a lot).
SJC2008 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Stop texting them the same night and saying thank you. I've never heard of a man doing that no offense and they may have wierded out by that, just a possibilty. They are supposed to thank you, you spent the money on them. Call them two days after the date meaning if you went out on a sunday call them on tuesday. I'm not saying play games but don't jump them right after the date, especially the same night.
bobsmith76 Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 It was abundantly clear to me after the date they wanted nothing further to do with me. I did text them back saying "Thanks for tonight. I enjoyed your company." They never replied. Was that the only reason why you think they wanted nothing further to do with you? That doesn't seem like much evidence. Don't give up and to they really say explicitly that they're not interested. If they're not returning the first text after a date, that doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you. Remember, women are real flighty, (men are too) they don't think things through when they're dating.
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