Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 So I've had quite a relationship with my ex as some of you know but I reached a different level the other day. I had been on NC for 1.5 weeks and found out my ex was now near my place of work. She asked to go out for a drink, I stupidly felt the need to break NC and agree. We spent 4 hours catching up and getting tipsy. In this time she told me that she loves me and not her rebound, that he's in no way as good in any aspect as I am, as well as many other demeaning things about him. She was attempting to hold my hand and asking for kisses the entire time. I refused because I didn't want to be "that guy". She then went on about how we should start again and be together. I was into the idea at this point but only if she was single. She swore she would dump her rebound to be with me. I couldn't believe that this was even happening. Long story short, we left pretty drunk and she begged me to have sex with her. I refused even though i would have loved to. I wanted to have her on the right terms and these were not them. Took her home and went our separate ways. The next morning she completely back paddled and said she loves her boyfriend and wants to pursue that. Taking back everything we did. I was disappointed but expected this to happen. I am pretty down about it though. I feel as though she really loves me but doesn't want to leave a comfortable situation. Since i would now be somewhat of a challenge. This guy also seems to be crazy about her, and a complete tool. but that's not my place to judge. If anyone has been in anything similar i'd like to hear your thoughts. And also any advice as to whats happening in this girls head right now.
not-a-drive-by Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I am glad that you passed off the invite for having sex with her. I think most of it was the alcohol talking in the end. She may have felt embarrassed after being rejected a few times over the night (you didn't answer to her love talk, kiss or sex), so I feel that in order to save "face", she called you and took everything back. If she was serious about getting back with you, she may still have took everything back for the sake of embarrassment, but, she would leave her current bf so that you guys can work things out and have a second chance.
Samilia Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 So I've had quite a relationship with my ex as some of you know but I reached a different level the other day. I had been on NC for 1.5 weeks and found out my ex was now near my place of work. She asked to go out for a drink, I stupidly felt the need to break NC and agree. We spent 4 hours catching up and getting tipsy. In this time she told me that she loves me and not her rebound, that he's in no way as good in any aspect as I am, as well as many other demeaning things about him. She was attempting to hold my hand and asking for kisses the entire time. I refused because I didn't want to be "that guy". She then went on about how we should start again and be together. I was into the idea at this point but only if she was single. She swore she would dump her rebound to be with me. I couldn't believe that this was even happening. Long story short, we left pretty drunk and she begged me to have sex with her. I refused even though i would have loved to. I wanted to have her on the right terms and these were not them. Took her home and went our separate ways. The next morning she completely back paddled and said she loves her boyfriend and wants to pursue that. Taking back everything we did. I was disappointed but expected this to happen. I am pretty down about it though. I feel as though she really loves me but doesn't want to leave a comfortable situation. Since i would now be somewhat of a challenge. This guy also seems to be crazy about her, and a complete tool. but that's not my place to judge. If anyone has been in anything similar i'd like to hear your thoughts. And also any advice as to whats happening in this girls head right now. My thought on it is that if she really loved you, she'd be with you. I don't see how you're kind of a challenge, at all. You asked her to be single and honest, what's wrong with that? Nothing, you're the dream guy at that point. I see a girl who is in a relationship and yet went to have drinks with her ex, got drunk, wanted to cheat, begged you to have sex with her, then did a 180 and stayed with her boyfriend. What is that? Not worth it, really. 3
StrangeBehaviors Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 She's nuts. She doesn't really want the guy she's with now. And she doesn't really want you either. She probably will never completely want any guy she is with. If you're unattached, bang her if the opportunity presents itself again. But never put any emotional investment into her. You shouldn't have any expectation or talk of future anything, ever. Not alot of texts, calls, emails or anything of the sort. No "exclusivity" at all. Or else you play into her control. My opinion. 4
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Not alot of texts, calls, emails or anything of the sort. No "exclusivity" at all. Or else you play into her control. My opinion. You might be right. I highly doubt the offer or herself will ever come around again to be honest. Edited August 4, 2012 by Tree_Salmon
mike588 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 She's nuts. She doesn't really want the guy she's with now. And she doesn't really want you either. She probably will never completely want any guy she is with. If you're unattached, bang her if the opportunity presents itself again. But never put any emotional investment into her. You shouldn't have any expectation or talk of future anything, ever. Not alot of texts, calls, emails or anything of the sort. No "exclusivity" at all. Or else you play into her control. My opinion. I couldn't of said it any better! Been there done that. 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 I couldn't of said it any better! Been there done that. I was fairly angry that i didn't sex her up. I probably should have. Still, it probably would have given me more of an emotional connection and that's the last thing i want from someone who's in another relationship. She needs to break up and actually do something that she wants. I have no clue how to act now. Besides NC, i can't really think of anything.
GLDheart Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I highly doubt the offer or herself will ever come around again to be honest. I wouldn't be so sure about that. I respect that you held your dignity when it came to the sex. You didn't "just want to get laid" and you were looking for more. But I don't think this girl can settle down... she's just all over the place. Your feelings for her are going to drive you crazy and end up with you hurt. I would put money on this girl creating another situation where sex comes up. I've seen it first hand. If you want to use her for sex, go ahead... But you will be further damaging a damaged girl. If you can live with that, enjoy. 1
blue_jay_bird Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 To me she sounds like she's making people dance for her. She seems very confused, she should be it's only been 1.5 weeks. Like other people are saying it seems she doesn't want you or this new guy. And she doesn't want to be alone. Like other ppl are saying i smell, ( she's got issues) At 1.5 weeks i would have done anything to get back with my ex. Be proud you, seem to have held your own. NC it back up. 1.5 week, pff.. that dangerous.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 We've actually been broken up for 5 months. I went NC for 2 months immediately and then she started asking to talk. Now its been on again off again NC on my part. Sometimes i go for a month and she just doesn't like it. She'll keep talking to me until I respond. I can't help it. I'm not very good pretending to dislike people.
lil hoodlum Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 We've actually been broken up for 5 months. I went NC for 2 months immediately and then she started asking to talk. Now its been on again off again NC on my part. Sometimes i go for a month and she just doesn't like it. She'll keep talking to me until I respond. I can't help it. I'm not very good pretending to dislike people. I hear you about not pretending to dislike people. I find the whole thing immature. However, sometimes you just have to in order to protect your heart. I often wish people could just be straight up honest with others. No need to be insensitive or mean but it hurts more when you find out you have been deceived. Sorry I don't have any advice. 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 It just feels like she's settling for any comfort she can get. But she definitely does not love this guy. I mean we had a 6 year relationship I know when it got bad for us. If this guy is getting this crap in the first 4 months, then they wont last. And if they do itll be a miserable existance for both. I think she's still in love with me. She doesn't get this connection from other guys, and honestly I haven't felt a similar connection with any girl ive gone on dates with in the last 6-8 months. I think if she had some more power over her emotions shed be knocking down my door.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 She hasn't even attempted to speak with me anymore. A friend of mine said she will try again because I pushed her away. I don't see us ever spending physical time together like that again. She's the type to stay in something comfortable and pretend to be happy. Is this back to hardcore NC time? 1
Occu3.14'd Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 The worst part is that her current boyfriend will probably end up on this site in the near future with a post like "I think my gf cheated on me with her ex." Isn't it awful how one girl has the capacity to ruin two guys. 2
Thisisbs Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 The worst part is that her current boyfriend will probably end up on this site in the near future with a post like "I think my gf cheated on me with her ex." Isn't it awful how one girl has the capacity to ruin two guys. It's just awful how people in the world don't value love and aren't mature enough to interpret it. More sad than awful, it's a truly beautiful thing they're missing out on. 1
ladyabstrused Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I agree with ALL the posters here. Tree, you got to get a grip on this. You were in such better control of things. Now after breaking NC, you're hurt and in this mess again. Back to the starting point, as I said. She will no doubt keep contacting you. But it's really up to you now to determine the outcome of this. More hurt, more pain, more nights like that other night leaving you hurt and disappointed, cheated and played, at the same time affecting the other guy she's with who knows what he's like. Just being the way she is as she's always been, finding her comfort ground (you). She's used to having you for 6 years. The new guy can't be you so he's not giving her the same comfort levels. You keep feeding this to her..as she selfishly takes it from you. Come on, you know what to do, Tree.
Gulf-Delta Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 She doesn't know WTF she wants. Her changing her mind just because booze is involved proves that. Alcohol only lets you do/say things you'd never do sober. Go back to NC. There's no point in trying to be with someone who won't admit or can't tell what they want. IMO, she still has feelings for you, but if she isn't willing to admit them, there's no point in pursuing her.
TaraMaiden Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 We've actually been broken up for 5 months. I went NC for 2 months immediately and then she started asking to talk. Now its been on again off again NC on my part. Sometimes i go for a month and she just doesn't like it. She'll keep talking to me until I respond. I can't help it. I'm not very good pretending to dislike people. People don't get it. You're not 'pretending to dislike' someone. There's no 'dislike' involved, or needed. Nowhere in the 'No Contact' guide, does it advise you develop a 'dislike' for your ex. it's all about self-preservation. It's about putting the safety and well-being of your emotional fragility, first. You're not supposed to develop antagonistic feelings towards them, you're actually supposed to be going through a process, that teaches you to have less feeling for them - in order to heal. It's not a question of disliking them - it's a question of liking yourself more, and having the duty of care for you. No contact doesn't mean No Like. No contact means just that. Keep away, and let the healing process take place. The more you keep bowing to pressure, (pressure incidentally, which is self-inflicted - nobody's holding a gun to your head to compel you to respond) the longer it will take you to develop the necessary indifference to them. Indifference isn't the same as dislike. Dislike is still an emotional attachment. Indifference is well, really, minding as much about them, as you do about the guy in the queue behind you. 3
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Bang her bro, bang the hell out of her xD I really don't know why I turned her down. I should have ripped her a new one. But this is all true. And I get what NC is about, ive done it before. It's just hard to do it with her. Shes way to emotional and immature about these things. She takes NC as me disliking her.
TaraMaiden Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 It doesn't matter how she takes it - how she takes it, is her problem. You're not doing this for her benefit, or otherwise. You're doing it for you, and her feelings - sorry to say - be damned, right now. 2
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 It doesn't matter how she takes it - how she takes it, is her problem. You're not doing this for her benefit, or otherwise. You're doing it for you, and her feelings - sorry to say - be damned, right now. I can be fine without her when i force myself. I just hate doing it sometimes because i dont like letting people go emotionally. But it's clear that this is poison for me right now. I really don't see why she'd come back after all that though. I doubt we will even talk anymore
Gulf-Delta Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I really don't know why I turned her down. I should have ripped her a new one. Be glad you didn't. You'd feel 100 times worse. With the sex, you'd think things were happening for you two again, even more so. And you'd be even more hurt when she called it a "mistake" and went to another guy. 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Be glad you didn't. You'd feel 100 times worse. With the sex, you'd think things were happening for you two again, even more so. And you'd be even more hurt when she called it a "mistake" and went to another guy. Maybe. I'm sure i did it for a reason. Believe me, in 6 years neither of us has denied the other sex. We are the kind of couple that can be married to other people but can't be in the same room with each other at the same time. Things WILL happen. 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Maybe. I'm sure i did it for a reason. Believe me, in 6 years neither of us has denied the other sex. We are the kind of couple that can be married to other people but can't be in the same room with each other at the same time. Things WILL happen. Well it seems we've both blocked each other off every possible avenue of communication. Back to NC for good. I guess its been fun here at LS. But i highly doubt ill ever see this person ever again.
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