BooBoo1982 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I'm ex didn't even ask me to change. He told me "it's just who i am" I don't know how to interpret that. I can change, should i break NC to tell him? You've got to show him you've changed, I dont think breaking NC to tell him you've changed or want to change will have the desired effect.
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I'm ex didn't even ask me to change. He told me "it's just who i am" I don't know how to interpret that. I can change, should i break NC to tell him? Personally as I've stated, both parties need to change. When a breakup occurs, both parties are at fault. Therefore it has been proven the relationship doesnt work. So for the relationship to have a chance at working, both parties need to change. It would be useless for you to change and for your ex to stay the same. Just my 2 cents :\. But I think you should talk it out with your ex about the failure of the relationship and where it went wrong. Even if it didnt work out, at least you know where to work on in your future relationships 1
blue_jay_bird Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Personally as I've stated, both parties need to change. When a breakup occurs, both parties are at fault. Therefore it has been proven the relationship doesnt work. So for the relationship to have a chance at working, both parties need to change. It would be useless for you to change and for your ex to stay the same. Just my 2 cents :\. But I think you should talk it out with your ex about the failure of the relationship and where it went wrong. Even if it didnt work out, at least you know where to work on in your future relationships But he left me, don't want to be with me shouldn't i wait for him to contact me.
YorickBrown Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I myself have been struggling with this concept myself. And i have found that i get two response's: 1) He has fallen out of love with you/ he never loved you as much as thought. If you where the one he would go to the moon and back for you. You are not the one. 2) As Canadian731 says: At the moment doesn't mean that he never liked you, maybe he just doesn't see a future with you at this point in his life. If the relationship was a longer one I'm sure he likes you and still loves you. I bounce between these two alot when thinking about my relationship. The first one give's me so much pain, causing me to cry. The second response, seems like a bit of a cough out sometime. Because if he loved me he wouldn't be acting this way. You can dance around in you head for hour's and hour's. But i try to think it's a bit of both, everything in life is gray. To me it's simple if you love someone you do anything for them. But they are doing the opposite of climbing mountains to get to you. They are running the other way. So does that mean they don't love you? The only one that can answer that question is you ex. So in the mean time take care of yourself. Make yourself happy. Grow, you are a free woman, have some fun. Just set him free, "if you love him let him go, if he's yours he'll return". Ok, here's my "silly" 3rd response (no, it won't involve spellcasters, I promise ) here goes... 3) When someone "LIKES" you...they will "WANT" you more and more..and eventually "LOVE" you so much that they'll eventually "DO" you..er, I mean...DO anything for you (hence the moon going & back bit). Follow so far? but IMHO, for a relationship (any relationship) to continue and prosper over a lifetime...both of you (ideally) should "NEED" one another so much so that you can't live without the other. Unfortunately, "needs", like "wants" continously change over time...especially nowadays. Agree? So? How do we fix this? <cough> I don't think you're all ready for the answer...
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 But he left me, don't want to be with me shouldn't i wait for him to contact me. I'm sorry to hear that. But if he specifically said "he doesnt want to be with you" then you have to give him the space he needs. If you keep messaging him or bugging him, he will feel pressured and will tend to back off. Dont force, because it will only make him back off even further. Remember that there is no impossible, so work on yourself, make yourself even more desirable and a better person. He may or may not contact you, you can't change the way he works, but you can definitely change yourself.
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Ok, here's my "silly" 3rd response (no, it won't involve spellcasters, I promise ) here goes... 3) When someone "LIKES" you...they will "WANT" you more and more..and eventually "LOVE" you so much that they'll eventually "DO" you..er, I mean...DO anything for you (hence the moon going & back bit). Follow so far? but IMHO, for a relationship (any relationship) to continue and prosper over a lifetime...both of you (ideally) should "NEED" one another so much so that you can't live without the other. Unfortunately, "needs", like "wants" continously change over time...especially nowadays. Agree? So? How do we fix this? <cough> I don't think you're all ready for the answer... mm..I would love to hear the answer to that
YorickBrown Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Ok, here's my "silly" 3rd response (no, it won't involve spellcasters, I promise ) here goes... 3) When someone "LIKES" you...they will "WANT" you more and more..and eventually "LOVE" you so much that they'll eventually "DO" you..er, I mean...DO anything for you (hence the moon going & back bit). Follow so far? but IMHO, for a relationship (any relationship) to continue and prosper over a lifetime...both of you (ideally) should "NEED" one another so much so that you can't live without the other. Unfortunately, "needs", like "wants" continously change over time...especially nowadays. Agree? So? How do we fix this? <cough> I don't think you're all ready for the answer... mm..I would love to hear the answer to that Really?!? but are you ready to believe it?!? Actually, I can't believe you actually read my post..hahaha But if your really did...the answer is already my post my friend. PS: and luckily I think you can find a lot of them in your country....maybe in Geylang
Sav Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Really?!? but are you ready to believe it?!? Actually, I can't believe you actually read my post..hahaha But if your really did...the answer is already my post my friend. PS: and luckily I think you can find a lot of them in your country....maybe in Geylang OH..no way no way no way! HAHAHA that actually made me laugh the first time today. oh god. then if that's true, I should just stay single
Samilia Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) I read your posts and I see a lot of comments about changing. Why change? If you haven't done anything wrong. In his case the person was too materialist, that's a specific problem, that's something he walked away from and that's understandable. I wouldn't change for anybody, really. Now if I started to drink or spent all of his money, that'd be another story. To be willing to bend backward for someone for no reason but the fear of losing them is sending the message that you have no personality. I don't see any attraction in that. Edited August 4, 2012 by Samilia
Author youdunsay Posted August 4, 2012 Author Posted August 4, 2012 Being a spendthrift is another story but the point about not wanting to be with you anymore brings back the question: Guys, when you really want a girl will you do anything to get her?
Fortune Cookie Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) No. I am willing to do many things for many different people, but there will be limits for what I am willing to do. I may love someone, but my love does not in and of itself form a justification for literally any action for them. I have biked 7 miles (mostly uphill) in a snowstorm that was so bad I had to walk a good portion of the distance, just so that I could see my girlfriend and spend the day with her as we had planned. To others, this action may be crazy; yet I know my limits and prepared sufficiently for the journey. When I love someone I will willing attempt many things which are much harder than that which I would ordinarily do for another, but again: there are limitations. I do not needlessly endanger myself, others or valuables for someone on whim, but I go quite a long way for almost everyone. The other part of this response is to the portion of your message that says "to get her". If she does not love me, I will do what I can (within reason, again) to learn more of the situation. If I am truly impressed with this person I am supposedly seeking after and, after careful examination, see many of the virtues I hold in esteem and none of the "dealbreakers" as it were, then I will definitely approach her in as best a situation as I can devise and engage in a friendly conversation with her and at the appropriate time I will ask her out on a date. I would not overly pursue a person, as I think it uncouth, unseemly and mildly insulting. I may attempt a few more time (1-3) to engage their interest (unless I am certain their lack of interest comes from a misunderstanding that I can sort out). If I am turned down, I may hope to engage their conversation as a friend, for they still have the qualities I look for in friends and lovers both. Edited August 4, 2012 by Fortune Cookie
Sav Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I read your posts and I see a lot of comments about changing. Why change? If you haven't done anything wrong. In his case the person was too materialist, that's a specific problem, that's something he walked away from and that's understandable. I wouldn't change for anybody, really. Now if I started to drink or spent all of his money, that'd be another story. To be willing to bend backward for someone for no reason but the fear of losing them is sending the message that you have no personality. I don't see any attraction in that. It's because I believe that if a relationship fails, it's never one person's fault. In fact, both parties are at fault. One's side fault might be smaller but it's still a fault. Therefore I believe that for a once-broken relationship to work, both parties must change before jumping onto the bandwagon again
fucpcg Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 A great quote I read since my last breakup: "Always be 100% responsible for 50% of the breakup" 1
Author youdunsay Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 Also from one of the past posts, they said drama is a love-killer. What's drama? What's no drama?
Sav Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Also from one of the past posts, they said drama is a love-killer. What's drama? What's no drama? hmm..i do not know how to respond to that. But what I can say is DO NOT play mind games with your partner. It will not only tire yourself out, but your partner will also be sick of it. You might win the argument but you will ultimately lose the person
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