Ibista Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 My fiancee and I recently got into a huge arguement over money. He had decided he was leaving me. While he was packing, we argued, and then he punched me a few times in the face. My daughter grabbed the phone and called my mom. A few minutes later my brother and sister were there, and my brother punched my fiancee. It made things worse. Then my finacee left to go to his parents, and my sister called the police. I went downtown to file a report and they took pictures of my black eye and cut lip. I was shocked! He had never hit me before, we were together for over 6 yrs! That was just over a week ago it happened. It was July 3rd he hit me, and he was arrested and charged with domestic violence. He was released that night. The same night I had negociated with his parents to bring my dog back, which he had taken with him. So we were to meet in the morning at our apartment. Well, my fiancee ended up showing up with his parents. He was not supposed to be there because the police had given him conditions to stay away. The police came and arrested him again for breeching his conditions. He spent 3 days in jail and has a court date next month. I don't really understand what happened that day. We could have easily worked out our money issues...a lot of the fight was my fault I admit, but I didn't deserve to be hit, no matter what! I love him so much still, and I really want to know what happened to us. I know deep down we'll never get together again, but I don't know how to cope and handle the pain I feel. What should I do?
EC Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 You need to wake up. I think the only thing you wrote correctly in the post was the line "I didn't deserve to get hit!" He didnt even hit you one time and realize what he did... No he Punched you in the FACE..3times. And your sitting there saying i love him what should I do? Has he even apologized for his actions? Instead of crying there and saying I love him ask yourself if he Love you because a man that loves a woman would not raise his hands to her. Thats inexcusable! No matter how much of the fight was your fight it should never have reached that level. You said youll never get back with him and that exactly what you need to do. You don't need him and you'll definitely be ok. You can find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and won't hit you.
CurlyIam Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 What did he say when you sow him wih his parents? How did he react? Why did his parents bring him along, didn't they realize were making jail time for his som happen? I can tell you hitting is plain wrong, that no one ever, under no circumstanced deserves or should be hit etc etc, but I think what you need here is not to hear this, but to talk, to confess, to understand...so just tell us what went wrong, to make it possible for us to help you.
Author Ibista Posted July 12, 2004 Author Posted July 12, 2004 [font=arial][/font][font=times new roman][/font] The fight was over student loans and rent. I paid one over the other and did not tell him about it. We lived together and had a joint bank account. I should have been able to go to my fiancee and tell him the money situation without worrying, so we could have dealt with it together, but he still should not have hit. Thats what the fight was about, just that. This is the hardest thing to ever happen to me. I feel very confused. He has not said sorry. I know the same night he hit me, he tried to call, but I did not answer. I don't know if I should have or not. I need to talk and understand. Thanks for the help. I appreciate any thought and advice. :-)
Author Ibista Posted July 13, 2004 Author Posted July 13, 2004 [font=arial][/font][font=times new roman][/font] I have to be quite honest, the whole thing would not have happened if I would have gone to him about the money problems in the first place. If I would have just told him, then we could have dealt with it together and we probably would not be in this situation. He is not a bad guy, he made a mistake. He should have controlled himself without hitting me. I am in no way saying he was right on that part. We could have dealt with it in another way. I made a mistake too, I was not responsible with the money and once I got into the mess, it got worse. I didn't know how to approach him about it. But that was my problem, I should have found a way. His parents didn't really get to involved, my fiancee was actually arrested twice. Once on the day he hit me, but then was released the same night, then the next morning, because he breached his conditions to stay away. Both times he was arrested, I don't blame myself for..as he made the decision to hit me, and he knew the conditions he had to obey, and he chose to disobey that. I am in no way a saint to any of this, I have my own legal issues to deal with, all the financial problems are coming back to bite me in the ass, but they are getting resolved. I have court with the landlord, but am already paying it back, and i have already worked a solution with my student loans so there is no more worry there. I don't know what to do about my finacee though, he really isn't a bad person, we just had a very bad day and we both dealt with the problems in the wrong way. Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Mr Spock Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 You're lucky to have people that care about you close enough to do something about it. Consider yourself very lucky. If you want to get back together with him, I'd almost say it's mandatory that you both seek some help.
Author Ibista Posted July 13, 2004 Author Posted July 13, 2004 I agree about getting help, only right now I don't know if there is anything I can do as the legal issues of him breaching prevent him from contacting me. The court date is august 4th for him as well as me having my own court date on the same day. I am friends with his best friend, so I am trying to see if there is way way of reconciliation with my ex. If not, I'll have to just move on and be brave. But its hard.
Mr Spock Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 No, wait until the legal process is over before attempting any kind of reconcilliation. Listen to your family and protect yourself for now. He needs to get some kind of rage control therapy going on-would you feel the same if he had gone off like that on your child? I suggest you ask for copies of what your face looked like after he was done punching you. You'd be suprised how many women who get battered forget.
RoboHobo Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 Yeah, okay you messed up with the money stuff but so what! No one ever deserves to be hit, for any reason at all! Yeah, it's going to be hard but don't risk yourself and your daughter over a guy who would do that to you. I don't believe that there are bad people, just people who make bad decisions, I'd agree with you on that point, but he needs to work that anger issue out.
jonyx18 Posted July 14, 2004 Posted July 14, 2004 look sweety it was not ur fault get that through your head IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT no buts if or whats i went through that my ex after 3 years of relationship one day while i was cooking we were having an argument and i had a slick comment he went over to the kitchen and started beating on me he even slammed my head through the wall i kicked him out for 2 days that night he cried to forgive him (we were also arguing for financial reasons there was never enough money) i let him come back home but did not say anything to my family i blammed myself saying mabe if wouldn't have had my smart comment mabe things could be the same IT WAS NOT MY FAULT and it is deffinitely not urs ones hey have this open door they tend to use it over and over the last 4 month of my relationship were hell i would be afraid to say anything to upset him i would be affraid to go anywhere because anything i said or did was a good enough reason to get beat I SUAR I REGRET NOT WALKING AWAY THE FIRST TIME COMPLETELY , for you it is worst n front of your daughter how do u think she must feel dont let her grow up in a household thinking it is ok to get beat my your spouse there is no way she can respect him WALK AWAY you are smart enough to know what is not good for you that rage he took out on u he had bottle up for many years it was just a thicking bomb
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