rubyrage986 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I was dating someone in prison ( 10 year bid, 16 yrs-26yrs old. Our relationship started in prison and lasted for a year and a half) and before he came home i had a meeting with his parents. During the meeting his father was talking to me asking me about my life...pretty cordial conversation at first. Then he asked me how did my parents feel about him. My response was "they like him and talk to him all the time" his father was not very moved by the response. He then said, " his charm is one of his strong suits, he knows how to work it very well. See what he does when you tell him "NO". At that point i was uneasy. He then gave me a scenario of how he was able to charm his way out of being transferred to another facility. Then at the end of the conversation, his father asked me " why would you want to be with someone like him?" At that point i was very bothered so when i finally spoke to my boyfriend over the phone his words calmed me of course and all that above became an aftermath. When he came home... When i went to pick him up with his family on his release i felt something different about him the moment he was let out the doors as a free man. I didnt know what it was so i ultimately ignored it. Things were ok but i immediately noticed that his words behind walls weren't adding up to how he was acting. Little disagreement brewed here and there and started to get worse. Time with each other was almost non existent and it was putting a strain on our relationship. My intuition was kicking into overtime and it made me very paranoid and insecure about the relationship. He would tell me not to worry and everything was fine but my intuition would not stop kicking in. I went to speak to his dad again being that i had built a bond with him and he had once told me that he knew him like a book. His father told me that what i was starting to see is his true personality. He told me that his son is an adapter and loves attention and will be what they (his friends/people) want him to be to keep the attention on him. He also said that its like this because its a new situation and people haven't seen him in a while but when it all dies down, i will really see and it will probably get worse before it gets better. Then he said, " my question to you is, do you want to be here for that? I couldnt believe what i was hearing. I was already in to deep and had no idea how i was gonna to handle what was coming. Ultimately, he turned cold and vindictive towards me and then cut me out of his life all together with no explanation or closure. This happened 1 month after he got home.His family cut me off and it just became a very negative situation in which i live with the pain of guilt and betrayal. I have posted my whole story on here in previous threads but was encouraged to post this for many who have gone through something similar in hopes that it will help them in recognizing red flags. Thank you in advance for all your comments/opinions.
KatZee Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 That is REALLY weird... I'd say that whole family is all sorts of messed up... just look at how this guy's father talks about him. Sounds like a whole mess of dysfunction. Plus this guy was in prison... you can do better than this.
Author rubyrage986 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 That is REALLY weird... I'd say that whole family is all sorts of messed up... just look at how this guy's father talks about him. Sounds like a whole mess of dysfunction. Plus this guy was in prison... you can do better than this. it was weird and alarming. I thought that it must have been serious for him to talk about his son in that way.
Radu Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I think his dad might have done you a world of good. What's done is done, thank your lucky stars. I simply can't picture my daughter having a 26yr old bf who did 10yrs in the slammer and who changes like a chameleon [i bet it was for something serious to have been locked up at 16 for 10yrs]. So, where was your family in all of this if they accepted something as messed up as this ?
sally4sara Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 There are enough screwed up free people walking around with very little to give away how screwed up they really are till after you get to know them. What's with you choosing to get involved with someone who has oh so obvious signs of being screwed up enough to end up in prison AND a parent willing to clue you in to the mess their child grew up to be? What's with that? Love yourself better.
Author rubyrage986 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I think his dad might have done you a world of good. What's done is done, thank your lucky stars. I simply can't picture my daughter having a 26yr old bf who did 10yrs in the slammer and who changes like a chameleon [i bet it was for something serious to have been locked up at 16 for 10yrs]. So, where was your family in all of this if they accepted something as messed up as this ? He was in there for armed robbery. My parents weren't happy with the situation at all. They warmed up to him when he got out and put on the persona of a genuinely nice person and because of the lies his mother told them about the specifics of his crime. She made him appear innocent and in all actuality, he wasn't. It was when they witnessed the emotional torment and abuse he was inflicting on me that they no longer accepted the situation. It was me who was trying to make excuses for his behavior because i associated them with him trying to adjust and also i had a hard time accepting that he was showing me who he really is now that he is out. It was to painful for me to come to terms with and i still struggle with it.
Author rubyrage986 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 There are enough screwed up free people walking around with very little to give away how screwed up they really are till after you get to know them. What's with you choosing to get involved with someone who has oh so obvious signs of being screwed up enough to end up in prison AND a parent willing to clue you in to the mess their child grew up to be? What's with that? Love yourself better. I already knew that i would get the questions of why i was involved in the first place. I was trying to help him being that i knew of him from grade school. I want careful and was very naive and allowed him to suck me in. I paid for it greatly and am still paying for it. He hurt me really bad and doesnt care. I accept my fault in not taking heed to the clues his father was giving. I just never knew someone could be so cold and cruel especially not to a person that helped them when no one, including family would.
sally4sara Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I already knew that i would get the questions of why i was involved in the first place. I was trying to help him being that i knew of him from grade school. I want careful and was very naive and allowed him to suck me in. I paid for it greatly and am still paying for it. He hurt me really bad and doesnt care. I accept my fault in not taking heed to the clues his father was giving. I just never knew someone could be so cold and cruel especially not to a person that helped them when no one, including family would. Don't take it as a judgement of you. I don't know you nor you me so pffft to any judgements I might have. Just take stock of the choices you made and learn from it. Love yourself first so you can find people who are able to love you.
Author rubyrage986 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Don't take it as a judgement of you. I don't know you nor you me so pffft to any judgements I might have. Just take stock of the choices you made and learn from it. Love yourself first so you can find people who are able to love you. Thank you! i know you didnt mean anything by the comment I have learned that maybe the situation is an indication of how i feel about myself. being that i was devastated and the situation nearly severed my self esteem, i do INDEED need to love myself more. Its definitely a scary realization for me especially knowing that many people have told me that if i did love myself i would not have allowed myself to get involved with him.
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