henderson14 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 What a coincidence. I recently switched fields in a major city from construction to a professional job and now for the first time I have about 4 girls who are talking to me on online dating sites and not flaking. Any other guys have this happen? I didn't think working a blue collar job was hurting me that much.
maxy1 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Women are pretty much shallow, whether they admit/show it or not.
Author henderson14 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 Blue collar workers tend to be low-medium income. It was a union trade so it was medium-higher income. IN a big city trades arent respected though.
proseandpassion Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 It could be because of the job change, it could be a coincidence. It sucks if your profession was keeping women away--people are shallow. I have 'overweight' listed as my body type and I am pretty sure that is why I don't get as many messages as I would if I listed 'average' or even sugar coated it with 'voluptuous' (as some women do). OLD seems hopeless at times doesn't it
It's Just Me Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 It was a union trade so it was medium-higher income. IN a big city trades arent respected though. Agreed and agreed. My man's a mechanic/automotive tech, and we met online. He did say that divulging his trade made women run away. WTF? Who cares what the guy does, as long as he loves what he's doing? I happen to work in a high-falutin' white collar field, by the way. I may well be a mutant in not judging tradesmen. Trades guys are also very good with their hands.
KungFuJoe Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 This is a surprise? Of course you got more hits because of your title change. And of course listing yourself as overweight will make you less attractive, in general. It doesn't mean people are shallow. It's just reality. You either accept and understand it or you get left behind. 3
proseandpassion Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Agreed and agreed. My man's a mechanic/automotive tech, and we met online. He did say that divulging his trade made women run away. WTF? Who cares what the guy does, as long as he loves what he's doing? I happen to work in a high-falutin' white collar field, by the way. I may well be a mutant in not judging tradesmen. Trades guys are also very good with their hands. I agree with you! I work in a high falutin' white collar job, too, and I tend to be impressed by 'handiness'...
tivoconga Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I can tell you that for OLD, that I immediately ignore all women who don't fit in the thin/slender, athletic, or average group...if you don't have one of those checked, you don't get the time of day. As for jobs/money. When I switch from having salary listed as N/A to $150,000+/year, the number of responses increased by a factor of at least 10. Shallow - for some yes, but there were plenty of responses coming from women who wanted someone who was their equal (i.e. the lawyers making $150+K/year). You can argue that they're shallow as well - but at least they don't need your money - like some of the other people who responded.
The Way I Am Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Sure, it could be just the money for some, but for many I think it's just wanting someone they have something in common with. Accurate or not, there's a perception of blue collar jobs like construction. Hyper masculine, not well educated thus not very intelligent, etc. (In my own personal experience, the guys I've know who were in construction were stoners and irresponsible losers who couldn't get anyone else to hire them at a decent wage. I don't know if that's a common perception though.) So I guess I buy into the stereotype, because if I were using OLD, I would not been too keen on a guy who listed construction as his job. Not because of the salary. My boyfriend is an intern who makes peanuts -- less than starting salary on construction. I make significantly more than him. But he's in the same field and we have things in common. If I were currently looking for a guy, I wouldn't dismiss someone I met and got along with just because he said he worked in construction. But I also wouldn't seek out those people on OLD because of my perception and experience with people who work in the field.
Author henderson14 Posted August 3, 2012 Author Posted August 3, 2012 I was married to a General Contractor for many years, and the CLEAR majority of his workers were lazy, dishonest, blew their meager paychecks within 2 days of getting paid, were not very intelligent, and were very transient. One day they'd be there on the job, the next day no one could find them. I've lost count of how many times he had to keep calling one of his workers in the morning in order to wake the guy up just to get his ass out of bed and on the job site. Hell, my ex has even had to bail at least two of them out of jail that I can recall. I tend to avoid guys who list 'construction' as their profession on OLD too, because the stereotype - for the most part - is alive and well. I saw it for way too many years up close and personal so I can speak from experience. I have NO desire to be with a guy that makes a minimal wage and more than likely has no health insurance and doesn't pay taxes (if it's non-union which most construction IS, then it's usually under the table which means NO health insurance and no taxes are collected), is home a good part of the year because construction is very seasonal on the East Coast, and doesn't want better for himself. If you all want to call me a "gold digger" (oh brother) and "shallow," then go right ahead, I'll still sleep at night. I saw WAY too much of this crap and don't care to revisit it. Good for you Henderson, that you've moved into a professional position. I'm not saying you were like the majority of the workers described above when you were in construction, but it's NOT always all about the money. Lots of women want to admire and respect a man whose confidently working toward success, and "construction worker" simply doesn't fit in that "upwardly mobile" category. Do you have this same outlook on skilled union trades where they are paid well and with good benefits? They average around $33/hr and higher in larger northern and coastal cities. Of course they usually don't work year round because it is seasonal.
Leopard Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Most women prefer a man with a professional job than one that doesn't require any intelligence or education. Anyone can get into construction. Illegals work in construction, teenagers. But not everyone can get and maintain a professional job. 1
tivoconga Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 My impression is that women appreciate a guy who's passionate, and it's harder to illustrate that in just a few words if it's not highly skilled labor. Consequently, passion, on some level, at least in OLD, is highly correlated with income, at least in terms of passion towards your job. A few that aren't are things like social worker, who make almost no money, but must be passionate. I'm not in that latter group - it would be interesting to see what kinds of responses they get - do they get the women that appreciate passion responding, or do they get a lack of responses due to no chance for every making serious $?
Woggle Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 Society in general looks down on blue collar workers. I would like to see them build their own buildings and build their own cars if they hate the working class so much. 4
phineas Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I put down IT professional but not salary & i'm thinking it's a toss up between that number & my height that screwed me on match.com. LOL! If I decide to go back to it i'll add in my salary. I may not be a top earner but i'm above the median for my area.
RedRobin Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 For quite awhile, I never had any requirement for income, title, education...or anything like that. I did (or am doing) my best to screen strictly on character. Unfortunately, what I've found is that men who aren't employed by a company that does some kind of background check prior to employment tend to have issues. Same goes for those that have the kind of work where addictions of any kind can easily be masked or are even encouraged. Some artistic and musical endeavors fall into this category. I realize it is a stereotype... but just offering some suggestions on why some women might be more attracted to a professional over a construction worker. It may have nothing to do with income, and more about screening out the pot smoking, recovering alcoholic, DUI guy with violent tendencies...
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 (edited) People use all kinds of criteria to judge/size-up potential love interests...that's something that's never going to change especially with the lack of face-to-face interaction...all they have to go off is your words and your pictures so I think to a degree it's understandable. However the bottom line is, whether online or off is that people really don't seem to be aware what is good for them in a relationship which is why they value these other criteria to find a partner...they use it as a kind of direction and for some people it's even mandatory that their SO meet them because they wouldn't be satisfied, It would make them feel bad/judged and possibly not give them the future they envision for themselves. I firmly believe there are a lot of people that would choose income/security over love. It's just about prestige to a degree, especially If you've worked hard in your life to accomplish what you have...somehow people feel that is apart of the expectations they can impose on someone else even though that's their own personal life and aspirations..I think people tend to live in a bubble and not really know any better than what they've experienced, and they develop these twisted judgments without even my knowledge...so that's how they make and base their decisions in life. They forget that relationships, emotions, compatibility, chemistry have nothing to do with titles, degrees or even race, background, culture...so many things are used to find a suitable mate and I think people forget what they are truly trying to gain and then wonder why they aren't satisfied when they find this person who was good on paper and from the outside but it just didn't "click" or work-out. It's like buying a car by the way it looks and the impression people get from it, but you don't even really like to drive it and you've driven cars worth half the money that had better performance and gave a more satisfying/fulfilling experience. I struggle with understanding how people can be so narrow minded, and settle for something that they think is the "best" when they know something doesn't even feel right about it. I guess In he end you just do what you feel like you've got to do or what's the "right" decisions...that's that is just the way it is. Everyone has been dealt different cards in life and has experienced different things, it would be foolish imo to determines someones worth and value by their accomplishments and what they could give you in return from that...but that's just not how the world works. Expectations are associated with certain criteria, that's why people impose them on others...satisfy me, be good enough for me, live up to my standards while I completely ignore my own faults. If you go with the flow in life and believe every little trend and conformity of thinking in life you'll be just as lost as everyone else. You've got to stick to what you believe in, and get what you want out life and not worry about what other people think or judge you for it because chances are they're not any more happy with what they're doing. Be honest about yourself and don't be ashamed of it...you work blue collar, you work it. You get called stupid or assumed you aren't intelligent then let them put their own foot in their @ss...you have nothing to prove or earn from anyone else, your life is yours to do what you like. Edited August 3, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 5
brahmabull117 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 People use all kinds of criteria to judge/size-up potential love interests...that's something that's never going to change especially with the lack of face-to-face interaction...all they have to go off is your words and your pictures so I think to a degree it's understandable... Fantastic post but you really should aim this towards the women though. Men aren't anywhere near as strict about things like accomplishment/education/jobs as women are Most guys would be perfectly fine dating a woman who just supported herself, had her own place and was not a loser (let's say somebody making 50 grand a year). I know guys who make middle six figures dating waitresses Personally I have absolutely NO problems at all with women who have very high standards in areas like income, but you can't be disappointed with your lack of options when you disqualify 90% of men based on their income alone
kaylan Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 OP I dont see it as much different as me preferring to date an educated girl with a more professional job vs a girl whos going to be a waitress or secretary for the rest of her life. And contrary to what the above poster said, many men care about a chicks career goals nowadays. Especially since many men in this generation have been raised with a working mother and father.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 This is about the equivalent of a woman replacing regular pictures of herself with pictures of herself in stylish clothes, with makeup and hair done. When I first got on online dating, I put rather conservative normal pictures of myself up, and I got a decent number of messages. But once I put up a slightly more stylish, done-up picture, I got a lot more. 1
kaylan Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 As much as women would like to believe otherwise that's simply not true for most men. When it is true it's generally true for men that can't afford to pay the bills by themselves. Because you speak for most men? I can tell you all of my closer guy friends (all of whom are college educated professionals...some with masters degrees) expect their girl to be college educated and have some sort of career path. They seek an equal of sorts. So as I originally said, plenty of guys in this day and age want a chick whos on their level. You know there are guys out there who dont care about only looks and what gives them a boner ya know. 1
It's Just Me Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I think there is a HUGE difference between skilled trades and teenagers who help with carrying shingle bundles up a ladder to do a roof. But that's neither here, nor there. As I've mentioned somewhere else, 85% of people who are dating online aren't really looking for lifetime commitments. Most are damaged, hurt, and just looking for band-aids for their emotional boo-boos. I don't think that real life is accurately reflected in the OLD experience. You need a very thick skin, indeed.
Negative Nancy Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Men aren't anywhere near as strict about things like accomplishment/education/jobs as women are No, but they are strict about looks and age. Not much better or more noble. 2
monkey00 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I think I've had my fair share of women who judged me for my line of work. But it's funny thinking about it because my industry is hard to understand, and the only girls that did were the ones who were actually in it. Who knows, many people have pretty superficial criteria. It takes one to know one.
musemaj11 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 I judge women mainly by their beauty and drop them the moment I lose physical attraction. I feel no guilt about it because I know women judge me by my money and feel no guilt either.
Leigh 87 Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Most decent people know that a college degree does not make a person better spoken, or better to talk to than a blue collar worker; however, there happens to be a larger amount of blue collars that act and talk in a certain way, that allows for the sterotype to continue. I associate with college educated people and do not sound any different to how they sound. However, I also hang out with blue collars. Some of them I know are very talented and have a lot going for them. However, they all talk differently to the way me and my college educated circle talk. Just their general vocabulary. I am not a rocket scientist myself, but I am simply describing my observations on the matter.... It does not bother me AT ALL; as long as they are really passionate about life, want to travel and see the world, and want to get out there and have an interesting, action packed life! And not just stay at home, with no interesting hobbies or interests. My partner is an avid learner and loves learning, and he does not smoke dope, and is not a stoner drop kick who is not interested in bettering himself. The way white and blue collar's talk is typical different, but not always! There would be plenty of well educated blue collars.... If a college educated women can easily talk with and feel equal with a blue collar, most decent people would not discount a blue collar, unless he shows he is not suitable. Some college educated and well educated women would not bother with blue collars on online dating, especially if they have so many options to pick from; they would want to at least limit it to guys they think are their equals... However, those same women who would not normally agree to go on a date with a blue collar, IF they met one and actually got along really well with and thought was a good guy for them - they would not necessarily turn him down if they then were to find out the guy was a plumber or truck driver....
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