lovehurts5 Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 When I am in a relationship I tend to live my life for the other person and put them first with everything. Even if I were to go out i'd be sure to mention I had a bf to anyone that approached me. 3 months after my 4 year relationship has ended I still feel like i'm living my life for him. I haven't spoken to him since May 29th but I feel like any new person that comes into my life I'm very weird around.. My ex and I literally live 2 minutes from each other so we know all of the same people. I'm afraid of anything I do getting back to him. I'm nowhere near ready for a new relationship and I still miss my ex everyday.. I kissed someone new the other day and I can't help but feel guilty and I don't know why. I know he's doing the same thing because he kissed someone in front of me after only 3 weeks of being BU. I wish I knew how to go about doing things without feeling so bad about it...
durentu Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I highly recommend reading Atlas Shrugged - by Ayn Rand.
2muchlove Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I highly recommend reading Atlas Shrugged - by Ayn Rand. Care to explain why? I do the same thing.
k100danny Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I tend to do similar things in a relationship or pay way too much attention to the relationship (I obviously know it should be important) but i need to carry on my life also and not put people above me even when it isn't good for me. I think this is just a learning curve. As for you saying that you feel you are still living for him I think this is just the fact that you aren't over that person they still have an influence on how you behave psychologically and you should't beat yourself up about it. I still find myself doing it now after 7 weeks of a break up from a 7.5 month relationship I still wonder what my ex would think ect. This will just fade with time. It is probably harder because your circle of friends and distance between you is so small. My ex is working in italy for the summer, is dating someone else I think and I havent seen her in just over 2 months and I still think of her every hour of every day.
KatZee Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 I highly recommend reading Atlas Shrugged - by Ayn Rand. You know what, someone recommended this book to me as well. I may give it a look.
Floored Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 After putting him first for so long, of course it will take time to take the focus off him and put your own interests first. This doesn't mean you need to become a selfish person, or sleep around, or do other crazy things, you just need to either remember what it was that made you happy by yourself before you dated him, or find something new that does the same. I think a bit of both is good, something from where you were, and something new to develop an undiscovered side to yourself. This should be your number one goal, to find out what passions you have when no one is around to tell you what to do. I don't know who you are or who he is, but you saying Even if I were to go out i'd be sure to mention I had a bf to anyone that approached me. struck major jealousy cords; like I wished for a second that I had known your relationship so I could know what that kind of devotion was. Your ex will find that girls that treasure their relationships as a priority are a rarity, and even if he might like the girls gone wild now, he will one day realize he took your faithfulness and loyalty for granted. Do yourself a favor and don't wait for that day for him to realize the gem he threw out. Find yourself in a happy solo life, and the dudes will come in droves- that's a floored guarantee. Then you'll find someone who can really appreciate what you have to offer and give you so much more than your ex did.
SoConfusedAndInShock Posted August 3, 2012 Posted August 3, 2012 when i am in a relationship i tend to live my life for the other person and put them first with everything. Even if i were to go out i'd be sure to mention i had a bf to anyone that approached me. 3 months after my 4 year relationship has ended i still feel like i'm living my life for him. I haven't spoken to him since may 29th but i feel like any new person that comes into my life i'm very weird around.. My ex and i literally live 2 minutes from each other so we know all of the same people. I'm afraid of anything i do getting back to him. I'm nowhere near ready for a new relationship and i still miss my ex everyday.. I kissed someone new the other day and i can't help but feel guilty and i don't know why. I know he's doing the same thing because he kissed someone in front of me after only 3 weeks of being bu. I wish i knew how to go about doing things without feeling so bad about it... you and me both. Exactly how i feel word to word. </3 well i dont tlk to him tough. NC it is for me...
Author lovehurts5 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 I am going to this guys party tonight and I am getting anxious... he's not going to be there but I'm worried that rumors are going to spread about me going because he is well known in our town... I just want to have fun without this anxiousness!!
Floored Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Option 1) You go to party, he doesn't hear about it. Being anxious was not worth your time. Option 2) You go to party, he hears about it, is extremely jealous and he thinks about the girl he let get away; he'll now feel worse than you. Being anxious was not worth your time. Option 3) You go to party, he hears about it, he doesn't care because he's moved on. Good thing you went to a party to meet new people. Being anxious was not worth your time. Option 4) You go to party, he hears about it, starts spreading horrible nasty lies to slander your image. Being anxious was not worth your time, and he will be seen by his own friends as an insecure baby, and maybe you'll see how much better you are without him. Option 5) You go to party, have a good time, meet someone awesome and don't worry about anything. Seems to me that being anxious won't do you any good. There are only good or better outcomes for you going out. Go have some fun girl.
Author lovehurts5 Posted August 5, 2012 Author Posted August 5, 2012 Floored, you are awesome. Both of your responses seriously made me feel so much better. I appreciate it!
Appleness Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Atlas Shrugged is a long read. As far as pertaining to relationships the take away message I got was essentially that the worth of a person (your significant other) rises only because you perceive them as being worthy of your attention. This only works if you love yourself and know your own worth. This principle can be applied to objects as well. If I think a book is awesome, I haven't done anything to change the book to make it awesome. I have just endorsed it. Others who value my opinion will then give the book a try and see that's it's awesome too. This happens to lots of people in relationships. Your friends may not have hung out with your bf if they met him randomly someplace, They might even think he's a d-bag. But they see you dating him. Because they respect/love you, they think "well, he can't be that bad" or "Well, he may say sh*tty things but look how happy he makes her".
Recommended Posts