Why did he drop me so quickly after making me out to be the love of his life?

[Char12]

My first love broke up with me because he said his feelings towards me had changed. I lost my virginity to him and he remains the only person i've ever loved. I begged for him to reconsider, he came back and told me he wanted to marry me one day, and then left the next day. I was devastated, and never really moved on, even after being in a year long relationship with another man.

 

When i broke up with that boyfriend, i got back in touch with him after 2 years, a short message saying congrats on getting into university. He replied with long messages saying what he'd been up to and we got talking again. It turned him leading the conversation towards sex we'd had. I told him i thought i wasn't comfortable talking to him about that, and it led to him getting quite hostile and telling me i was too sensitive. I told him not to contact me again, and his last message was him saying he did still love me and would like to try again but i didn't sound interested so he said he was being childish and trying to piss me off, and wrote a long apology email. I forgave him and he began talking about memories we'd had and i forgot about how he'd acted.

 

A couple of months later he was back in my town and i asked if he'd like to catch up enthusiastically said we should the next day. When i saw him, memories came flooding back and we just seemed to click back into it like we'd never been apart. He kissed me the first time he saw me and naturally began to hold my hand. I asked him whether this was a one off or he wanted to try again, he said he wanted to try again and now saw there was a hole in his life where i'd been. It gave me some fairytale notion that we were supposed to be together. I told him i needed to think about it, and got together to talk to him about issues with him going back to uni and how he felt about them and he said he wanted to try, so i got back together with him.

 

In the next couple of days he told me he loved me, the next couple of weeks he told me he wanted to see how far our relationship could go, and after a month he said he wanted my children one day. I was trying to take it slow after he'd hurt me so much, and had an idea he might just want some easy sex whilst he was back. He assured me he wasn't just trying to have sex. I ended up falling completely in love with him again and sleeping with him. He'd give me massages and make me feel so special. When he went back to uni, it was no different. He'd text me in the middle of the night saying he "loved me with all his heart" and he "needed me so bad to be happy." He also said that what have is worth the risk of being in a long distance relationship for a while and that when we left uni he wanted to rent a place with me.

 

He was this full on until i'd done badly in an exam and rang him for comfort, i said that being apart from him was hard on days i needed him and whether we could sort out a way to see each other more often, i could have travelled easily to see him. He suddenly said it was too hard and he was clouded by sex and our chemistry to realise how hard it was going to be. He wrote me a long break up letter and i never replied to remain some dignity.

 

Two months later, i broke no contact after having a bad day and just wanted his company and for him to comfort me so much that i forgot about how he'd hurt me so much. He told me he thought i was pissed off at him after not contacting him, and that he was busy and if i needed him i could email him. How much he'd changed from making me feel like the love of his life to so insignificant made me email him asking for answers. He either had no answers for me or he just replied saying he was sorry and that he was just a bad boyfriend and wish i'd never met him. The excuses this time ranged from that he loved me and only wanted me to be happy, and wished we could be together but he had to study (Which i'd asked if it would be a problem before getting into a relationship and he assured me it wasn't) and that he didn't know how he felt though he was making these promises and showering me with affection until i mentioned that being away from him was hard. He even said that i he knew i was looking for comfort but i did a good job of putting him off talking about problems in our relationship. He said that i brought it up and he was just agreeing with makes me feel somewhat to blame for all this. After him saying that, i just left it saying i wished him the best. His last message said that i shouldn't ring him again if i had a bad day to let him know how badly he'd hurt me, and that if i did he'd hang himself as his own guilt was bad enough.

 

He has been severely depressed and attempted suicide in the past so I didn't reply but spent the next day worrying that he'd put something like that and wondering if there were issues he wasn't telling me about. I'd deleted him off facebook, however, later on that day, my friend was on facebook and saw his status saying "When a recent ex contacts you just to stab at you, maybe she'll get bored of stabbing soon". I hadn't contacted him until that conversation, and remained civil compared to what he deserved. I was so angry that he had the nerve to write that, especially considering he'd been in the wrong. We also have mutual friends on facebook who know i'm the recent ex and i'm worried will think i'm being a crazy ex girlfriend. To top this off, i was so angry and hurt that i raced round his house and confronted him about it, which i could tell by how speechless he was and the expression on his face that he thought i'd never see it. He said i was over reacting, but that he'd take it down. It then turned into me being in tears saying how much i'd loved him and how much his actions had hurt me, whilst he was a different person to the one who'd made me feel so special and was completely indifferent, even acting like it was a chore even talking to me. It also just seemed to confirm this false image he'd created of me, and i feel like i've completely lost my dignity and am back at square one.

 

Can somebody please shed some light onto why he's behaved like this?

[dinosaur]

UGH on-again-off-again relationships are the worst

 

i know what you're going through and it sucks so much like literally sometimes i just wish he'd have never existed because WTF

 

quite literally one day he's begging me to be his forever and how he'd like to get married and then the next day about how he doesn't have enough freedom and can't commit

 

my honest, honest guess is that it's because he's alone and feels like you're an easy person to reach out to for sex/emotional reasons; i don't know if you can relate, but when you're the kind of person who i like to label a "maniac lover" like i am, where you just love really hard you're very vulnerable for "love abuse" in which this person uses you as they want because they know they can trick you into their schemes. sometimes they convince themselves that they're sincere too, but they're just in a weak spot and need you temporarily.

 

once they're satisfied they vanish either mentally or physically and they claim to feel "guilty" but i know they'd do it again and again just to get their satisfaction and leave; the weirdest thing is sometimes we don't even have sex so i don't understand why he comes back just to talk ... does he just want the validation? and it's not like a one or two time thing it happens like literally every other week

 

i go nuts trying to understand what the %#!%! is going on because it never makes sense - what changes so quick, so fast all the time that makes them flip flop around; it drives me mad! sometimes i feel like oh my god i miss him so much because i NEVER get closure and other times i'm like he never loved you stop it you idiot!!!

 

i'm hoping i hold out and don't contact him because he will always, always hurt me

 

i quite literally left the country for 3 months and when i go back i'm going to be living 500 miles away at school instead of home so hopefully i can avoid him forever

Edited August 3, 2012 by dinosaur

[Samilia]

My first love broke up with me because he said his feelings towards me had changed. I lost my virginity to him and he remains the only person i've ever loved. I begged for him to reconsider, he came back and told me he wanted to marry me one day, and then left the next day. I was devastated, and never really moved on, even after being in a year long relationship with another man.

 

When i broke up with that boyfriend, i got back in touch with him after 2 years, a short message saying congrats on getting into university. He replied with long messages saying what he'd been up to and we got talking again. It turned him leading the conversation towards sex we'd had. I told him i thought i wasn't comfortable talking to him about that, and it led to him getting quite hostile and telling me i was too sensitive. I told him not to contact me again, and his last message was him saying he did still love me and would like to try again but i didn't sound interested so he said he was being childish and trying to piss me off, and wrote a long apology email. I forgave him and he began talking about memories we'd had and i forgot about how he'd acted.

 

A couple of months later he was back in my town and i asked if he'd like to catch up enthusiastically said we should the next day. When i saw him, memories came flooding back and we just seemed to click back into it like we'd never been apart. He kissed me the first time he saw me and naturally began to hold my hand. I asked him whether this was a one off or he wanted to try again, he said he wanted to try again and now saw there was a hole in his life where i'd been. It gave me some fairytale notion that we were supposed to be together. I told him i needed to think about it, and got together to talk to him about issues with him going back to uni and how he felt about them and he said he wanted to try, so i got back together with him.

 

In the next couple of days he told me he loved me, the next couple of weeks he told me he wanted to see how far our relationship could go, and after a month he said he wanted my children one day. I was trying to take it slow after he'd hurt me so much, and had an idea he might just want some easy sex whilst he was back. He assured me he wasn't just trying to have sex. I ended up falling completely in love with him again and sleeping with him. He'd give me massages and make me feel so special. When he went back to uni, it was no different. He'd text me in the middle of the night saying he "loved me with all his heart" and he "needed me so bad to be happy." He also said that what have is worth the risk of being in a long distance relationship for a while and that when we left uni he wanted to rent a place with me.

 

He was this full on until i'd done badly in an exam and rang him for comfort, i said that being apart from him was hard on days i needed him and whether we could sort out a way to see each other more often, i could have travelled easily to see him. He suddenly said it was too hard and he was clouded by sex and our chemistry to realise how hard it was going to be. He wrote me a long break up letter and i never replied to remain some dignity.

 

Two months later, i broke no contact after having a bad day and just wanted his company and for him to comfort me so much that i forgot about how he'd hurt me so much. He told me he thought i was pissed off at him after not contacting him, and that he was busy and if i needed him i could email him. How much he'd changed from making me feel like the love of his life to so insignificant made me email him asking for answers. He either had no answers for me or he just replied saying he was sorry and that he was just a bad boyfriend and wish i'd never met him. The excuses this time ranged from that he loved me and only wanted me to be happy, and wished we could be together but he had to study (Which i'd asked if it would be a problem before getting into a relationship and he assured me it wasn't) and that he didn't know how he felt though he was making these promises and showering me with affection until i mentioned that being away from him was hard. He even said that i he knew i was looking for comfort but i did a good job of putting him off talking about problems in our relationship. He said that i brought it up and he was just agreeing with makes me feel somewhat to blame for all this. After him saying that, i just left it saying i wished him the best. His last message said that i shouldn't ring him again if i had a bad day to let him know how badly he'd hurt me, and that if i did he'd hang himself as his own guilt was bad enough.

 

He has been severely depressed and attempted suicide in the past so I didn't reply but spent the next day worrying that he'd put something like that and wondering if there were issues he wasn't telling me about. I'd deleted him off facebook, however, later on that day, my friend was on facebook and saw his status saying "When a recent ex contacts you just to stab at you, maybe she'll get bored of stabbing soon". I hadn't contacted him until that conversation, and remained civil compared to what he deserved. I was so angry that he had the nerve to write that, especially considering he'd been in the wrong. We also have mutual friends on facebook who know i'm the recent ex and i'm worried will think i'm being a crazy ex girlfriend. To top this off, i was so angry and hurt that i raced round his house and confronted him about it, which i could tell by how speechless he was and the expression on his face that he thought i'd never see it. He said i was over reacting, but that he'd take it down. It then turned into me being in tears saying how much i'd loved him and how much his actions had hurt me, whilst he was a different person to the one who'd made me feel so special and was completely indifferent, even acting like it was a chore even talking to me. It also just seemed to confirm this false image he'd created of me, and i feel like i've completely lost my dignity and am back at square one.

 

Can somebody please shed some light onto why he's behaved like this?

 

I wonder why the sudden change in his attitude. It makes me think he met someone else. Or he probably genuinely wanted to give another go to the relationship, seeing how independent you had become, but then decided that you weren't what he wanted.

 

His facebook post was childish, what kind of a person posts drama-like status like this one? I don't know.. but it would make me rethink the person that I thought he was.

 

I see a lot of posts here about dumpers who claim to be "depressed" and just "need time" or are "too busy with school/work". They use it as an excuse to walk away and not be bothered again by the dumpee. When you look into their life a few weeks later, you find them just fine, with another girl sometimes.

 

You really seem to be a nice girl, don't feel like you're back to square one, you have a new light now on who he is, that will help you turn the page for good.

 

I admire the way you stayed honest with him, how you "raced" to his house to call him out on his bullsh*t on facebook. People hide on the internet and post all kind of degrading comments, bet he learned his lesson!

 

Don't be sad, be glad you finally know what you were getting with him. I know it's going to take you a little while to move on, but just so you know, you can keep your head up chicka.

Edited August 4, 2012 by Samilia