communityFan Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Good looking people have the power in dating. /thread
oaks Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Good looking people have the power in dating. /thread Meh. Not really. I've walked away from pretty girls before. 1
ThaWholigan Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Yes, I agree. It's a pity. Indeed. The best I can do is learn to navigate these games as best I can, so I can spot a game being played. If I have no choice, at least I can play the game. The preferred outcome being win-win of course. I maintain my personal power by not partaking in these games willingly due to my own personal beliefs. 1
communityFan Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Meh. Not really. I've walked away from pretty girls before. Exception not the rule. For every time you walked away from a pretty girl, there were 10 guys who would love to take her out.
oaks Posted August 4, 2012 Posted August 4, 2012 Exception not the rule. For every time you walked away from a pretty girl, there were 10 guys who would love to take her out. Yes, probably. Most guys are driven by their boners. Sad, really. 3
betterdeal Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Exception not the rule. For every time you walked away from a pretty girl, there were 10 guys who would love to take her out. And then when they do take her out, they feel like they're living under the sword of Damocles as there are 9 other guys figuring out ways to get into her knickers, so it's frequently a brief and stressful experience. I wish people would define what this power is. Power to do what? What is it that one person can do that the other cannot? There's nothing another person can do in a relationship that you cannot. You can walk away, you can end it, you can lie and cheat and deceive. You can set limits as to what you are okay with and what you're not okay with, and you can decide on what you will do if those boundaries are transgressed. There is nothing this other person can do that you cannot. There is no power to be wrestled from one to the other. There are two people trying to make sense of the world and enjoy it in whatever way they see fit to. Get that and you'll be able to see the things you are afraid of or cannot cope with very well, and find ways to meet those challenges, and so grow and become a man or woman who can partake in a relationship successfully, fruitfully, enjoyably. Don't be afraid to be afraid. 1
Els Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 If this debate was anthropological in concern, these statistics and estimates would be on interest, possibly of use, but it is not: it is deeply, intrinsically, personal to many of the debaters. The averages are still, always will be, useless in a personal context. Even the statistic of there being slightly more men to women in the USA is useless because people are not distributed evenly (not to mention the many more men who are unavailable due to being in prison). Taking macro-data (real, imagined, or educated guessed at) and using it to explain why you are having difficulties doesn't help you overcome those difficulties unless you rise to meet the challenges you think these data represent. You think women want supermen who drive Bentleys and have a billion in the bank? Well, go and get a frigging Bentley and make vast sums of wealth. I believe you who make these arguments are using these data and suppositions about what women want to create a hopeless, impossible reality: a set of conditions that can't be met, to satisfy something internal to you. I'll tell you what women want: connection. They want the same thing as you, which is to feel connect to the other, to step out of the self-conscious "I" and to just be, which is the state of being we enter when we connect with an Other. When you play (as in, play a game, do a jigsaw, roll down a hill), and it feels great and liberating - that's what it is to "be" and to let go of the self-conscious "I" and it feels liberating. That's what is at the heart of a relationship - letting go of your Self and just Being in the moment. Learn to let go of your inhibitions and you'll connect more with women. And you'll also be more vulnerable and it will be scary, but you'll get through that. Accept the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, be. Seriously, I wish we could sticky this post and redirect all the related threads to it.
GoodOnPaper Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 I wish people would define what this power is. Power to do what? What is it that one person can do that the other cannot? There's nothing another person can do in a relationship that you cannot. You can walk away, you can end it, you can lie and cheat and deceive. You can set limits as to what you are okay with and what you're not okay with, and you can decide on what you will do if those boundaries are transgressed. There is nothing this other person can do that you cannot. There is no power to be wrestled from one to the other. Theoretically true, but it's a matter of perception. When you are bad at the meeting/attracting stage of things, you always feel like you're between a rock and a hard place. First date opportunities are rare so even when the partner or situation is less than ideal you can't dismiss the potential or resulting relationship lightly. If you do, you could be looking at a year or two before the next first date -- all the while feeling like you are falling further behind everyone else because she'll meet someone the next day or week. The scarcity mindset explanation in the OP's article is exactly right and this mindset is a killer . . . but HOW do you change it? The article doesn't explain that. Also, I don't like how the article seems to say that we aren't going to get women that we are all that attracted to . . . so just deal with it. And then he goes on to contradict himself by assuming that every less-than-good-looking couple in Walmart are happily married. I don't see how that's going to motivate anyone out of the scarcity mindset.
ThaWholigan Posted August 5, 2012 Posted August 5, 2012 Theoretically true, but it's a matter of perception. When you are bad at the meeting/attracting stage of things, you always feel like you're between a rock and a hard place. First date opportunities are rare so even when the partner or situation is less than ideal you can't dismiss the potential or resulting relationship lightly. If you do, you could be looking at a year or two before the next first date -- all the while feeling like you are falling further behind everyone else because she'll meet someone the next day or week. The scarcity mindset explanation in the OP's article is exactly right and this mindset is a killer . . . but HOW do you change it? The article doesn't explain that. Also, I don't like how the article seems to say that we aren't going to get women that we are all that attracted to . . . so just deal with it. And then he goes on to contradict himself by assuming that every less-than-good-looking couple in Walmart are happily married. I don't see how that's going to motivate anyone out of the scarcity mindset. If you want to change it, know where to look for resources on how to do it.
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