maxmarkeeteer Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 dear all, i really your advice and guidance..i have been wth my girl for 7 (coming to 8 years) .We have been living together for about 3-4 years out of that. Things arent going well now as we started to stop having sex since a year ago..because i have lost interest in her...( can some one tell me...if we lose sexual interest in someone ..does that mean we no longer love them?) I no longer kiss or hold her hands but my care for her remains the same... We have talked about breaking up once or twice...everytime she cried and said she has given up 7 years of her life for me and in return i have betrayed her...She is alone and after her mother passed away( so did her dad later) only has me. I am sadden by this as it isnot right for her..she has asked me to marry her but i refuse....in my heart there is no reason to refuse just a gut a feeling that its not what i want... she tries so hard to keep us together.... In my office i met someone who i started talking to..over 1 year + we exchanged over 8500 emails....and counting....i dont understand her entirely ..neither does she...about me..but we are attracted...we had oral sex once..during valentine...but never got any further..i told her to maintain her virginity till marriage...i like the sex but its not what i am after in a relationship...she is waiting for me.... honestly..i dont know what to do....
TommyGirl Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Is there a reason that you have lost interest in your girlfriend? How old are the two of you? Do you see yourself with this new girl in the future? If the relationship is not what you want, I believe that you need to let go. Have you told your girlfriend, the way that you feel?
Author maxmarkeeteer Posted July 13, 2004 Author Posted July 13, 2004 actually i am not sure of the reason..there were times when we argued and we said we broke up but ended back together... she said she really loved me and really want to make this work. as for me...i care for her and sad when i see her cry but just not interested in her as a partner (life partner). should i gv the other a try?
moimeme Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 I think you should remove your confused self from the lives of both of these women. You have betrayed your gf with the other one; it's possible guilt has reduced your desire. If you don't want to marry this gf, then it's time she got looking for a man who will want to spend time with her. Don't just drop her; support her in getting a support network together but tell her that she needs to get herself ready to do without you. She's already wasted eight years of her life on you; it would be a mistake to do so for any more!
RoboHobo Posted July 13, 2004 Posted July 13, 2004 I'm sorry to say this but if you have lost interest in her you should at least split up for a short while to figure out how you feel. You might still love her, but if you aren't strong enough to resist temptation to be with someone else there is a huge problem that needs to be worked out. I'm not trying to hectic and put you down, but what you did was wrong and betrayed a trust. If you don't love her it would be unfair on both of you to spend any more time together. She needs to be strong and make herself happy, relying on you for her happiness is an unfair thing to do to you. Of course she is going to be sad, she obviously loves you and that is why she has spend 8 years of her life with you. Nothing is ever a waste though, it is hurt has made her say those things. Both of you will have learnt a lot about yourselves and that knowledge is invaluable. Splitting up with your current partner doesn't mean that you should get together with someone else now. Maybe there is something there between you and this new person, maybe she was just a distraction that made you feel excited about relationships again. You need to take some time to deside what a relationships and commitment mean to you and what qualities you are looking for in a partner. You have made a mistake once, try not to repeat it. Who ever it is that is devoted to you doesn't deserve that. Oh, and as moimeme said don't just leave her, make sure that she will be all right. It will be unfair on her if you are the one taking care of her because she will just be forming another dependence on you. Just make sure there are lots of friends who are there to take care of her.
Author maxmarkeeteer Posted July 22, 2004 Author Posted July 22, 2004 i will make sure she its ok.. i think most of you its right.....
EC Posted July 22, 2004 Posted July 22, 2004 You care for her and you love her but are not "in love" with her anymore. What you are feeling for her is pity my friend. You need to let her go and do not let her know about the other girl. If you do not plan on marrying her you are wasting the time that she can have to be out there finding someone who will kiss and hug her and marry her. Let her go.
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