I had it all!

[lil hoodlum]

I have not posted my own story. I will post more about the 4.5 years with the love of my life.

 

But for now, I just want to share about what happened today.

 

My girlfriend/ex and I work together. We broke up at the end of May. Her doing. She said she wasn't sure how she felt about me any more and wanted some time. She basically laid some blame on me about some things she wasn't happy about. However, she didn't bring these issues up when they occured giving me/us the chance to resolve them. So anyways, I really took what she said to heart and begun to see a therapist to work on some of my issues. I will say that I treated her extremely well and was allway chivilorous and respectful. I put in alot of effort into the relationship. I accepted her daughter and helped raise her as my own.

 

So after/during the "break" I started to make some necessary changes for myself and for her and the relationship. I started weekly therapy sessions. Begun to get myself right with God. Got back into school to finish up my bachelor degree. I will graduate May 2013, less than a year. I have put forth alot of effort into learning and making changes for myself and for her.

 

We haven't really talked very much at work but in spurts here and there. Seems that she still held onto some anger and resentment. I continued to give her space and time. However, she has been quite cold. I can understand where she is coming from but I think its immature and rude to just treat someone you have been in love with for nearly 4.5 years like that. At least say hi or good morning.

 

But anyways for the last week and half or so I haven't been initiating any small talk as is allways seems to push her away. We look for each other and smile but thats about it. Yesterday she looked really down/depressed and upset about something. I counldn't take anymore. I still love her and care for her so I talked with her for a little bit. She seemed to be a little better.

 

So today I purposely engaged her in a conversation for about 30 minutes. I could tell it was a little awkward and she looked a little uncomfortable but she did keep talking and was engauging the conversation with me some. I basically told so of the stuff that has been going on in my life since the break up. At the end of the convo, I told her I enjoyed talking with her and left her with an open invitation to go for coffee if she would like to sometime.

 

For some strange reason I feel really good about this. I think I might have actually touched on some feeling in her about me. What she might actually do I have no idea. She may or may not take me up on the invitation for coffee sometime. It doesn't really bother me at this point. I took the high road and was being honest with myself.

 

I actually feel like now I can begin to live my life how I want to. I feel postive and empowered. It is now out of my hands what will happen next if anything. It is in Gods hands now and I believe He knows what is best for me. I have prayed so much for my ex and her daughter. I have prayed that God would impress upon my heart what I should do and if she is the one for me. I still believe we are meant to be but maybe just now at this time.

 

I am looking forward to doing things that I want to do that I think will enrich my life, for example learn to salsa dance and going out and have fun meeting new people.

 

I have tremendous faith in Gods will for me. I know whatever His plan for me is it will be wonderful. I just pray and hope that she is the one for me and things will work out for the better. I am ready though for whatever does happen with or without her.

 

I am learning to be a better person because of all of this and for having read so many other peoples story here on LS. You all have taught me so much about relationships and some of the things to be on the look out for (i.e. red flags.) I am positive the next relationship I will be in will be the best for me. I am excited about the possibilites.

[HumptyDumpty]

That's good stuff there, thank you for sharing

What is the best here is that you put some effort in the past relationship, working on the issues but you did this for yourself, it's the price for your efforts and you should be really proud of this!

As I see, I guess you leave her a door open and even if it's just friends, however you moved on, in order to cope if she refuses and see some new people?

It must be hard but this is a great example to follow I think since it's extremely difficult after a break-up...

I wish all the best!!

[lil hoodlum]

Well, quite a few things have happened as of late since my last posting. As stated before, we are co-workers. Since the last conversation I told about, her attitude has changed quite a bit. She can be a little stand-offish at times. Mostly she seems eager to talk with me and I am to get her to smile and laugh like before. She still won't initiate anything which does get me discouraged at times. For example, I was getting tired of being the one to allways initiate so one day I dedided I wouldn't to see what she would do. We had to interact about something and she wouldn't ask or say anything. Really kinda hurt/angered me a little. Another co-worker asked what was going on and I explained. He said that if I loved her I couldn't give up. So later I asked her if something was bothering her because she was so quiet earlier. She immediately responded that she had alot on her mind and was thinking about things.

 

Another important step is that she started to park next to me again. This is a big deal.

 

She has even bit a little flirty with me. I of course have to initiate it first but she is responding to me.

[lil hoodlum]

Well today we were talking and she voluntarily said that another female co-worker has been asking about why we broke up. (I hate to admit I still don't know why she broke up with me except that she said her feelings for me have changed and she is confused.) Part of me wanted to ask right there and then why she broke up with me but part of me is scared to know the real truth. I have got lots of theories and ideas but I really don't why. It does bother me at times. I really sometimes wonder if it was because of another person. I feel this might be true but don't have concrete proof.

 

At some point in the conversation I had brought the subject of me finishing my degree and that I won't be working there very much longer. Any time the subject of my schooling comes up I can tell it seems to bother her. She will get quiet and the subject gets changed or the conversation is over. I will graduate and since I don't have anything to tie me down here I am open to possiblities of a job else where. I told her point blank that I won't be working there much longer. I did it to make her uncomfortable and to see how she will respond. I am waiting for her for now but I am open to possibility of dating someone else. Once I give my heart away, I am afraid it will be to late for her.

 

I have regained most of my confidence lately and I suppose that is why my actions and demeanor have been much stronger. I have had a few female co-workers and quite a few customers chatting/ flirting with me lately. I know she has seen some of this. In fact, I think she came by me to purposely try to engage me in someway. I was talking to a rather attractive woman who I know has a thing for me but she is married and I respect that.

 

She has been on the fence for awhile and I think she is close to getting off of it. Truely right now my life is at a crossroads. I will attain my goals in life with or with out her. Ultimetly though she is the one that I want and who my heart belongs to. But one way or another my life will go forward and in less than a year there is a good possiblity I won't be around here anymore.

 

Tomorrow I am going to point blank ask her why she broke up with me. I believe there was someone else but can't be sure of that.

 

What should I do if I don't think she is being honest with me about her response?

 

A friend said not to accuse her because that might back her into a corner and she may shut down. It was suggested that I might have to draw the complete truth out of her over a period of time.

 

Anybody have any thoughts?